I get angry so quickly and act immediately, usually leaving me filled with guilt. What can I do to delay my reaction
A place to come to ask and answer questions from others on mental health and relationship issues.
Copyright © 1992-2008 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Answers
Hi there...
What Jean says about counting to 10 is indeed a great example. The 10 thing enables a person (if successful) to relax a bit, and hopefully take some of the stress away from the issue.
When someone says something you dont agree with, allow yourself time to mentally think what they just said...for instance, if they said, "Hey, you look like you just ate a huge meal," actually think to yourself what they said. Dilute it a bit, (within reason, of course) and think through it before you act on it a bit.
Even a comment such as above, while not always in the best of taste, can be diffused by allowing yourself some extra time to take the fuse off of the pressure valve.
Best,
Clyde
Hi happyme1 by recognizing you need to change this you've taken the first step. Often anger is based in a sense that you're not getting what you deserve, that you shouldn't be treated "this way" or such. Learning to use CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) can help you learn healthier thoughts and actions at those times you find yourself overwhelmed and unable to get the solutions you want immediately.
But in the meantime, try to step back mentally when you find yourself becoming angry. Take a good, deep breath and let it out slowly. (Remember the idea of counting to 10 first?) Try to realize that most things are not personal, and people who are making you angry are acting out of their own dramas, or their job requirements. Regulate your speech and work at not allowing it to speed up, nor the tone to rise incrementally as you feel you aren't being heard.
If you can realize that you don't have to become angry and react right then at that moment, but make it a habit of taking things under consideration and returning to them later, that might help develop a good habit that delays a poor response.
Good wishes!
drjean