I have been in therapy for 3 yrs plus with the same therapist. We have covered alot of ground and I have grown so much with her help. She is now leaving her job, which brings me much sadness. However, I know all good things must come to an end and I am trying to see the positives in this! How do we bring closure to our relationship?
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Answers
Talk about it! And talk some more about it with her. I hope she has given you plenty of warning so you don't feel rushed to end this relationship.
Do go over your progress, count it all up together. Do make a future plan for you and therapy, whether it's to take a break or move into working with another T that she knows and recommends and maybe one who can sit in with a session first.
Do allow yourself to grieve. This is a loss. It could be sweet sorrow, but still carries a lot of emotions that need to acknowledged.
I will you well on your journey.
drjean
If you still have sessions coming up with her, you could bring the topic of closure to work on in therapy. Do you feel comfortable asking her about this question? Perhaps she can work with you on what this means for you, such as your loss and sadness. (By the way, it would be perfectly normal to be angry with her too, which wouldn't mean she did anything wrong.) You could also talk with her about whether you'll be ending your own therapy and whether that seems scary or exciting or lonely.
You asked "how do WE bring closure" so it may be satisfying for you to work on this within the context of your relationship with your therapist.
Grief over losses is normal. Let yourself grieve as well as find the positives. And if your therapist has already left her job, it may help to see someone else, even if only temporarily, to help you find closure for yourself.
I imagine you'll be finding another therapist to continue your work, and it's true it will never be quite the same. But you might find a therapist who's just as wonderful, who explores new perspectives that help you in complementary ways.
Well, any time our relationships end, they can be very traumatic and hard to let go of.
The good things I can see in this is that after 3 years, you have grown so much, as you said--are you going to see another T after her?
I would definitely let her know before the last meeting or at the last meeting how much you appreciate all that she has done for you, and be specific with some of it. Let her know specifically what she has done to help you and how your life has improved.
Discuss how you were when you first came there, and how you are now--how much you have changed.
Its a good thing that you have come this far and grown so much--celebrate that much at least! :)
Tough one, as all have said, it is a difficult and emotional process.
One thing I have used in the past is to create a plan of action for the final session, sort of a ritual or whatever to bring closure to the session.
Maybe have them write a note to you of support and positive affirmations you can post on your fridge for comfort and support.
If you have ever used things like divinations cards, etc, you could (if your T is open to it) a "reading" of how this relationship has helped you, what you have accomplished, etc, and write it down, again, post it where you can refer to it for support. Or just have your T write down what they think of how this has helped you, your progress and accomplishments during the relationship, what to remember and take with you on your journey forward.
Ask you T at your next session for suggestions on how to make the closure easier for you, and like everyone has said, allow your self to grieve the loss of a confident. And if you have someone you can talk to about it, talk, express your emotions, don't bottle them up.
Good luck and I hope some of this has helped.
tinkerbell
Find out if they are willing to have monthly email contact, a touch base, kind of thing, to wean you off...
Is there a crisis 24/7 line associated with where your T is you can use if you need too?
Your therapist is trained in how to end your therapeutic relationship positively and on a high note. Your willingness to do so positively, recognizing this is the end of a relationships that's helped you in your life, is a good sign.
Be honest in your feelings with your therapist when you talk about this. If they've helped you, let them know -- therapists are human too(!) and appreciate any feedback you can give them. And they'll usually let you know what effect you may have had on them too.
Good luck!