I have so many varied interests that I don't know who I am or who I'm
supposed to be.
I love the 19th century. All I ever read are the classics or books of Roman
philosophy or random novels from the 18th and 19th centuries. I tend to
dress Lolita just because it makes me feel happy. I love listening to
classical music and imagining myself at a ball with the band playing and
meeting gentlemen and gentlewomen.
Then again, I love my ripped up straight-leg pants, my chucks, and my
homemade band shirts. I love 70's punk. Iggy Pop and the Stooges ignites a
fire within me like nothing else. I love walking around at night listening
to the Ramones, The Sex Pistols, The New York Dolls and imagining I'm in
New York in the 70's and going to the Whiskey A Go Go. Or that I'm some
vagrant in California doing whatever and going to shows.
There are so many other sides of me that I have no idea which direction to
go in. Those are only the most extreme and polar opposites.
Seriously, when I'm in the mindset of the classic book loving frilly girl, all that matters to me is going to college, spending a day at the park, dressed Lolita, listening to classical music, reading books, and improving my writing skills.
And when I'm in the mindset of the self-destructing punk girl, all I wanna do is move to New York, form a band, get addicted to one or a few drugs, get some sleazy boyfriend and die there.
It's all so contradicting I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
I've tried throwing one of them away and going with just the other, but it doesn't work. And trying to live with both of them is just chaotic.
It's like two completely different people in one body.
Also, when I write poetry while I'm in the first mindset, it's all so perfectly yet not painfully rhymed. I make sure the meter is never off, and that I use my vocabulary to the fullest extent.
But when I write poetry in the latter, it's full of "wanna" and "gonna" and sporadic lines.
I -was- diagnosed bipolar. But I don't have the characteristic "manic" moments or the "falling to the bottom of the black pit of everything and wanting to die" depressed moments that fluctuate every so often.
I, also, was diagnosed anorexic and bulimic... yet again, two completely different things. I tend to shift towards the anorexia during my "punk" phase and then to bulimia during my "Victorian" one.
Again, living with them both is hell.
I read a little about it and I don't hear voices... except for right before sleep. I can't identify them, all I know is what they say and their gender (obviously). But I don't know if that is a thing to worry about.
So... what do you think? DID? or something else entirely?
supposed to be.
I love the 19th century. All I ever read are the classics or books of Roman
philosophy or random novels from the 18th and 19th centuries. I tend to
dress Lolita just because it makes me feel happy. I love listening to
classical music and imagining myself at a ball with the band playing and
meeting gentlemen and gentlewomen.
Then again, I love my ripped up straight-leg pants, my chucks, and my
homemade band shirts. I love 70's punk. Iggy Pop and the Stooges ignites a
fire within me like nothing else. I love walking around at night listening
to the Ramones, The Sex Pistols, The New York Dolls and imagining I'm in
New York in the 70's and going to the Whiskey A Go Go. Or that I'm some
vagrant in California doing whatever and going to shows.
There are so many other sides of me that I have no idea which direction to
go in. Those are only the most extreme and polar opposites.
Seriously, when I'm in the mindset of the classic book loving frilly girl, all that matters to me is going to college, spending a day at the park, dressed Lolita, listening to classical music, reading books, and improving my writing skills.
And when I'm in the mindset of the self-destructing punk girl, all I wanna do is move to New York, form a band, get addicted to one or a few drugs, get some sleazy boyfriend and die there.
It's all so contradicting I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
I've tried throwing one of them away and going with just the other, but it doesn't work. And trying to live with both of them is just chaotic.
It's like two completely different people in one body.
Also, when I write poetry while I'm in the first mindset, it's all so perfectly yet not painfully rhymed. I make sure the meter is never off, and that I use my vocabulary to the fullest extent.
But when I write poetry in the latter, it's full of "wanna" and "gonna" and sporadic lines.
I -was- diagnosed bipolar. But I don't have the characteristic "manic" moments or the "falling to the bottom of the black pit of everything and wanting to die" depressed moments that fluctuate every so often.
I, also, was diagnosed anorexic and bulimic... yet again, two completely different things. I tend to shift towards the anorexia during my "punk" phase and then to bulimia during my "Victorian" one.
Again, living with them both is hell.
I read a little about it and I don't hear voices... except for right before sleep. I can't identify them, all I know is what they say and their gender (obviously). But I don't know if that is a thing to worry about.
So... what do you think? DID? or something else entirely?
A place to come to ask and answer questions from others on mental health and relationship issues.
Copyright © 1992-2008 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Answers
I wouldnt consider it DID. I think you just have many interests, although I seriously worry about the possibility of drug usage with the one.
I would call it eclectic too.
I would seek possible counseling for the other issues, but with doing this over the Internet, I really don't see DID.
Best,
Clyde
Well what i think is that do people really have to label themselves? what is it chaotic having many interests?? i would call it eclectic! we all have many many different emotions, like for instance one day my boyfriend might annoy me the next he may not, it depends whether I'm in an irritable mood or not. sometimes i like a certain program on the telly the next day i may not. you are obviously a very creative person who can imagine many different paths that your life may take. who can imagine what your life could have been like in different periods. variety is the spice of life and it sounds that u are quite young because u mentioned college, the truth of the matter is you won't really find out what Ur about until u reach thirty. i believe that may you should work at excepting you for who u are. Ur not at risk of suicide and while you busy thinking about whats wrong with you, u could have wrote a book about all these different characters u image or could be. but number one thing, stop panicking you sound like an articulate young lady who needs to vent her creativity. p.s if all else fails i suggest counseling especially if u didn't have any when diagnosed with bulimia