I lived under the reign of a very disturbed
& abusive father, for about 12 yrs.
It was very damaging, and I endured a lot
of hardship and trauma because of it.
I was also sexually abused by a foster parent.
Now more than 10 yrs has gone by. I have horrible
anxiety in crowds, suicidal thoughts, I feel as if I'm in a dream sometimes. I freeze in place sometimes, while re-living a traumatic event in my mind. Everyone says that I stand very stiff and stare. It's happened while walking to work, and I've 'come-to' while standing in the middle of the street with cars dodging me. I find myself falling into deep depression with almost no 'justifiable' cause.
I ponder suicide about 1 - 3 times per month.
It's always because of these 'flashbacks?'.
Reliving that hopelessness without any light at the end ofg the tunnel, makes me feel so trapped. Help, please.
What will fix me?
& abusive father, for about 12 yrs.
It was very damaging, and I endured a lot
of hardship and trauma because of it.
I was also sexually abused by a foster parent.
Now more than 10 yrs has gone by. I have horrible
anxiety in crowds, suicidal thoughts, I feel as if I'm in a dream sometimes. I freeze in place sometimes, while re-living a traumatic event in my mind. Everyone says that I stand very stiff and stare. It's happened while walking to work, and I've 'come-to' while standing in the middle of the street with cars dodging me. I find myself falling into deep depression with almost no 'justifiable' cause.
I ponder suicide about 1 - 3 times per month.
It's always because of these 'flashbacks?'.
Reliving that hopelessness without any light at the end ofg the tunnel, makes me feel so trapped. Help, please.
What will fix me?
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Answers
(((Sunny)))
Yes, to me, it does sound very much like it. Have you talked to a T about it, or a pdoc? Counseling could help you "get through" some of the issues...
Best of luck!
No, I know it sounds stupid, but I know I'll feel really bad about myself if I talk to one of them. I know I'll feel like I'm screwed up. So..I have been counseling myself through poetry. I write whatever comes to mind, and then I break it down and choose what I need to work on, to help change my state of being. It's been working little by little.
I do have one good friend with whom I can speak openly.
Thank you very much for your input, Clyde.
It's much appreciated.
Sunny
Oh yeah, poetry is very cool...I really hope you are feeling better soon...
I had an abusive family to. It makes you stressed out because you can't let go. The best thing you can do is talk to somebody or a therapist. it will help you more than you think. Me myself I'm still stressed and depressed. I lay in bed and cry everyday. But Iv'e gotten so much better since I have talked with a therapist. I take adhd medication wich also helps with depression Ive found that it helps me concentrate on the now and not the past. if you need to talk just send me a message