Since the beginning of June... Around the 9th, I came back from visiting my girlfriend out in California. there was a issue of her being depressed and semi-suicidal and resolved the issue by talking to her and letting her get all her fears out in the open. This was due to a letter I found saying goodbye to everyone and apologizing for being a burden.
Well I came back to New York and on the 22nd she wound up overdosing on 40+ tylenol. I wound up leaving work early and stayed by the phone for updates and found out she was better a few days later... Her friend and her friends family, her 'foster family' are ok... Except the mother who is close to a zealot jehovah's witness and won't let my girlfriend out to do anything and keeps her in the house 95% of the time. She also disliked me and thought that my girlfriend deserves better, but my girlfriend said that she's sticking by my side no matter what. (We went through alot of issues for a year. This December will be 2 years together.)
So her friend is on the phone asking if anything happened that might have caused this, (Me leaving... Duh?) and I mentioned the conversation me and my girlfriend had in front of her about the being suicidal and the note. She said she didn't remember any of this and went and told her mom that I knew about this suicide note and it upset the whole family. What's messed up about this is that she is accusing ME of not letting anyone know when it got resolved, and in the meantime letting herself be a scapegoat in the same problem. (She was there and heard it all also, so she's to blame and ignores that fact.)
So while she was recovering everyone in the foster family thinks that I basically MADE her attempt suicide OD, but in reality it turned out to be alot of stuff from an abusive father and a neglectful mother and brothers. The family made it so I couldn't call her or anything and she wound up sneaking calls in to talk to me. I was broken up and disturbed by the families reactions to me and pretended everything was fine and dandy, to be her strength while she was recovering.
So she comes back yesterday we talk on the phone for a bit and the foster mother goes and takes the phone and CLAIMS that the doctor said I cannot have ANY contact with my girlfriend, no writing, email or phone conversations at all.
I'm pretty sure that's wrong and it's the mother disliking me and as usual not even hearing what really happened. So at this point her friend is relaying messages between me and her for me so she knows I'm there for her. She turns 18 on September 5th and being in foster care in California, I'm not sure what happens at 18, but I want to drive out there and take her back to my apartment to take care of her unlike her foster family can.
Anyone care to suggest anything to help me out? There's alot of things that don't make sense here and I need help big time.
Well I came back to New York and on the 22nd she wound up overdosing on 40+ tylenol. I wound up leaving work early and stayed by the phone for updates and found out she was better a few days later... Her friend and her friends family, her 'foster family' are ok... Except the mother who is close to a zealot jehovah's witness and won't let my girlfriend out to do anything and keeps her in the house 95% of the time. She also disliked me and thought that my girlfriend deserves better, but my girlfriend said that she's sticking by my side no matter what. (We went through alot of issues for a year. This December will be 2 years together.)
So her friend is on the phone asking if anything happened that might have caused this, (Me leaving... Duh?) and I mentioned the conversation me and my girlfriend had in front of her about the being suicidal and the note. She said she didn't remember any of this and went and told her mom that I knew about this suicide note and it upset the whole family. What's messed up about this is that she is accusing ME of not letting anyone know when it got resolved, and in the meantime letting herself be a scapegoat in the same problem. (She was there and heard it all also, so she's to blame and ignores that fact.)
So while she was recovering everyone in the foster family thinks that I basically MADE her attempt suicide OD, but in reality it turned out to be alot of stuff from an abusive father and a neglectful mother and brothers. The family made it so I couldn't call her or anything and she wound up sneaking calls in to talk to me. I was broken up and disturbed by the families reactions to me and pretended everything was fine and dandy, to be her strength while she was recovering.
So she comes back yesterday we talk on the phone for a bit and the foster mother goes and takes the phone and CLAIMS that the doctor said I cannot have ANY contact with my girlfriend, no writing, email or phone conversations at all.
I'm pretty sure that's wrong and it's the mother disliking me and as usual not even hearing what really happened. So at this point her friend is relaying messages between me and her for me so she knows I'm there for her. She turns 18 on September 5th and being in foster care in California, I'm not sure what happens at 18, but I want to drive out there and take her back to my apartment to take care of her unlike her foster family can.
Anyone care to suggest anything to help me out? There's alot of things that don't make sense here and I need help big time.
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Answers
I do think that at age 18 they are pretty much out on their own. Some States do have additional help, usually provided by a faith-based entity though, and she should check into this through her social worker.
You didn't say how old you are, and whether you are financially able to maintain a household for two, and if she has health care that will let her be in therapy like it sounds she really needs (to work through her life of trauma.)
What does she think about this? She might not be in a good position to make any decisions, and might agree to go with you just because she feels she's trapped and has no where else or nothing else. That wouldn't be a good thing for either of you at that point.
TC
drjean
Yes, I, too, think that in most states, maybe all, that at age 18, they can pretty much make up their own mind.
It does sound like she needs therapy, indeed, still.
It may not be the best thing for you two to take off, but at least, perhaps confront the fears together, if you are allowed to do so.
Best,
Clyde