A year and a half ago I was sexually assaulted by my friend's boyfriend. I had already been depressed for years leading up to this. I've had a lot of suicidal tendencies in my lifetime but I could never do it, especially after my cousin did so several years ago and it was devastating for my entire family.

The real problem is that the guy who assaulted me shows up at my school often. This almost always causes the panic attacks I've mentioned before. Thanks to some of the help I've gotten here I've got some control over my panic attacks, but I don't know how to deal with seeing this guy on a day to day basis.

My logical brain tells me to press charges against him, but it's my word against him and I have no proof. And when I told my father what happened, he got really mad and it seemed as if he blamed me for what happened. There's just no way for me to avoid this guy unless I dropped out of school and that's just not an option for me.

He was eighteen and I was fifteen when all of this happened. I'm sixteen now, and all of this is just too much and I really don't know what to do about it. Can someone please help me?


Answers


Clyde
2306 days ago
Can you let the school know that you feel uncomfortable around him? Perhaps they can help devise a plan to keep the two of you separated?

If you feel that you should press charges, even if there is no way to prove it, then I would say do it, but then you also must realize if you do, and there is no way to prove it, then you are stuck where you were.

Why would your Dad be mad at you?

Perhaps also there are friends and/or family members (other than your Dad) with whom you can discuss a safety plan or a plan on not being around this guy much at all.

I hope that the school is able to help you. Discuss it with a trusted teacher or the principal/superintendent, perhaps they can help you.

Best,

Clyde



Bliss
2292 days ago
Consider visiting the RAINN.org website's online counseling for support http://www.rainn.org/ohl-bridge.php or call 1.800.656.HOPE.

I'm sorry your father did not support you. Sexual assault is a crime. Also the fact you were raped by an adult makes it also a child sexual abuse crime. It was definitely not your fault. A lot of people are ignorant of sex crimes because as a society we just don't talk about it and hope it goes away. The reality of it is . . . we must talk about it to protect and help the innocent.

This is why I first mention you seek help through RAINN.org. They are the experts. They know how to help you. They offer free counseling and will support you in your decisions and direct you to resources to help you. Most importantly, they are there for you when you have a panic attack. Just grab a phone and call 1.800.656.HOPE and tell them you are scared and just need to hear a friendly voice.

I think you could put a restraining order on the perpetrator. You may not have to go into too many details except that he threats your safety. Maybe a school counselor could help you with this? But I don't know.

I hope you contact RAINN.org. I think it's a step in the right direction for anyone sexually assaulted.



drjean
2288 days ago
Tarina, I'm sorry that your dad gave you a poor response. (((hugs))) Why not go ahead and talk to someone about this? It sounds like you haven't somewhat because of the response your dad gave you, and you might feel partially "responsible." Don't buy into that!

Talk to your school counselor, or even the principle, please! If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for other girls who this guy will prey upon in the future. You might have a tough road with this, but I think you will anyway whether you only seek treatment for yourself, or if you also turn this guy in. So why not feel good about yourself and turn the perp in? That would be the right thing, if you can find enough strength to do so. (This is one reason why a school principle could help immensely; he/she has the power you don't.)

Best wishes; let us know what you do, ok?

drjean



Tipsy
2274 days ago
It's difficult for somebody who hasn't experienced sexual assault to understand what the victim endured in and outside the assault. Sorry you have to deal with this, especially on a daily basis. I agree with everybody above that maybe there is somebody else you can trust enough to express this too and maybe they can give you advice on what you should do and where you should begin. You shouldn't have to live with this burden on your shoulders.



megly81
1840 days ago
although i have never been sexually assaulted i have my share of therapy and it does help. or you can go to a support group. i have had depression problems since HS too and let me tell you it will probably get worse if you do not deal with the problem. (i hope that is not true for you) i hope you find a healthy way to deal with this situation. i cant imagine what you must be going through but i bet a lot of people can relate to you which will not make u feel so alone...good luck and dont ever think that you brought this on your fault



drjean
1471 days ago
Well, you could report it anyway, and also obtain a restraining order on him (which requires him to stay a certain distance away from you.

However, if you simply can not change this situation, I would seek out the counselor who can help you turn this into a type of "flooding" or "exposure" therapy. There are positive things to tell yourself when you do see him, countering the negative and using the experience to help you become accustomed to seeing him and having him NOT assault you.

Take care.



sunkiss
1179 days ago
Tarina-it cannot be underestimated what you are having to live with on a daily basis and the way you have coped essentially alone for the last 18months. No-one can imagine what it was like for YOU-even if they have had a similar experience.

Not living in the US-but knowing that you have similar support services as are available in Australia, I agree with all of the above. Having been totally disempowered by this 18year old/adult-and considering the severity of your symptoms i agree:

*you must go to the equivalent of our Sexual Assault Referral Centre

* a police unit that specifically deals with children who have been assaulted

*. As mentioned it's a crime/carnal knowledge and between these services, i would anticipate they will 'take over' and support you every step of the way,

*As a matter of courtesy, speaking with the principal is a must-maybe even some sick leave/days off school as you deal with this without any interference from those in your year and avoid the fear of this person being on the school premises before a restraining order is in motion.

*Presently you may feel powerless and a victim. The possibility of meeting him in court can be....a challenging and un-nerving situation,.It may-as mentioned above-not work in your favour However from this point on you will never be alone.

Incidentally,i was raped. i walked away, gave up my work where he was a peer,and backed out of giving a police statement-though the police really pressed me for this. I blamed myself as he repeatedly blamed me and minimized it-three years on, it impacts negatively on my life.

But lest it seems like i'm suggesting something i couldn't cope with-this at least-is a pro-active pathway. The choice to do this is always yours. There may be other ways but you will be given advice. Again it is your 'call'.

Don't remain a victim. One of the ways you can do this is if you follow all the help & advice given you.

Don't be intimidated as i was. You can do it as you have already proven to yourself during the last 18 months,

Hugs++ and thoughts with you.