I decided yesterday that I was going to split with my partner of a year and a half! I thought it would be an easy thing to do, however I feel extremely remorseful, alone and sad. I know I should pull up my socks and get on with my life, as we've been having problems for months, which have just spiraled out of control. The problems generally stem from him blaming me about the past and the fact that I couldn't open up straight away, it's like I've been punished for not showing him feelings when he wanted me to. I did some terrible things, for example would just walk out of his house when I wanted or, turn off my phone so he couldn't contact me, but I think I was just running away from falling head over heels, and getting hurt! Nothing I done was intentional, I just didn't love him when he wanted me to, is that so wrong!! Anyway he blames me for the way he treats me now, he basically changed into a completely different person. At first he was so loving, sincere and caring, now he's turned into a jealous, aggressive, manipulative guy, I don't even recognize. I'm struggling to say the last as he has a funny way of making me believe that his actions are because of how I treated him in the past. When I call him, he says I call him too often, or when I wanna go out with my friends he makes me feel like it's wrong, it's like I'm living on eggshells worrying whether I'm going to upset him or not! He's even thinks I'm cheating on him, and said if he ever found out, what he would do. I've never cheated on him, I've even stopped speaking to my male friends, because he didn't like it, I just don't feel like I'm being myself. I love him, and I know I shouldn't but how do you erase the time you spent with someone, or stop blaming yourself for the way it panned out? He's even said he's not right for me, and I should find someone that works (as he doesn't) and someone that wears a suit, basically someone that has things in common with me. He's always questioning why I'm with him, and when I do special things for him, encourage or support him, he turns around and says he's not use to all this, so I can't win. I'm confused, I know he has a complex because of the fact that he isn't where he wants to be in life (but who is?), and therefore has this negative outlook about everything, including me. He even said once that happy people make him sick, because it's just an act!! I'm writing this and know the answers, but why do I still feel that he can change? He wasn't always like this!! I finished the relationship before, and we've always got back together, but I'm not happy or content with how things are. He always says he is going to change, but a day after the convo, were back to the same cycle, it's not healthy. I need closure, I just want to get on with my life, and feel that I've made the right decision, how can I move on without looking back?
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Answers
Hi there...
It takes a lot of time, for sure. And you have to be incredibly firm in your abilities to stay away from him.
He doesnt have a job, he is being mean to you, and manipulative. You have stated it yourself, that you need closure. You cannot get it if you go back.
Find your old friends again that you stopped hanging around with, and hang around them again to find stuff to do to get your mind off of him.
Perhaps they can help you find someone new to be interested in?
Its always hard at first to let go, because its so "new" to us, but after awhile, we do learn to let go...when we see what we had after awhile, we realize we could do a lot better.
Hope it all gets better for you.
Best,
Clyde
Thanks Clyde for your kind words. I'm feeling much more positive about things x
I agree with Clyde to try and remember the reasons WHY you decided to split from him, and assure yourself that they are good reasons.
It is tough to let go because we allow it to affect how we view ourselves, as though we are supposed to be able to get along with anyone, or fix everyone. ;) It's also tough because even though it wasn't the best relationship, you became comfortable in knowing the route with this guy.
He might change, but it isn't up to you, and do you really want to waste your life waiting around for something that might not happen to your liking? Probably not.
You gave a lot to the relationship, so it will be difficult to just drop it mentally, but focus on new and interesting things (and people) and they will force the lesser valued memories out.
Good wishes
drjean