I realize I hold on to my past and it's effecting my friendships,relationships and myself. My mother and father divorced when I was 5, and my mother remarried and divorced the step dad I recognized as my father. She has had many relationships where they have cheated on her or hurt her physically and emotionally and is always putting my head that I can't trust anyone and every man is the same. I'm in a relationship now and he's very patient with me and treats me right but my mother has given me the need to want to question everything he does. As a result any problem I may have with him I hold on to even if we have resolved it. I too am also afraid of making mistakes in my life sometimes to the point I don't try and attempt to do things so I wont get in trouble or carry the guilt for making that mistake. As life goes on I make more mistakes and the more I carry.Sometimes all those mistakes hit me at once and I just break down or freak out or ask my boyfriend tons of questions that deep in my heart I know he wouldn't do. I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life help?
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Answers
I've been in almost the same situation, and its not easy.
Letting go of the past can be a tough thing to do.
The way i think of it is: what's happened, happened. And it cannot change. I wouldnt let the past affect my present, though. Try to concentrate on the this and now.
Good luck to ya.
Have you discussed this with your mom or boyfriend yet? What do they think about it? I hope she stops talking to you like she has been. And I hope your boyfriend is supportive of you.
I also think if you cannot get the answers you want from there, you must talk to someone, such as a T or a priest, or family friend who may help you work through these issues.
Keeping yourself isolated in your family struggles makes it just a cyclical thing, in which nothing ever really gets solved.
I wish the best for you.
wangari07 learning to let go of the past is something everyone needs to do, and it isn't easy. If you like to read and find self help books helpful to you, why not seek out some at the library regarding this?
If you want to talk with someone, finding a therapist to work on how to put things behind you and not let them impose upon your present life, I think that would be a good thing to do too!
One idea is called "thought stopping." Whenever you find yourself thinking or comparing something to the past, tell yourself (out loud if you must) "STOP! I don't need to think about that, this isn't then, this is now." Or something to that effect.
That will help you realize and allow yourself to evaluate just exactly what you are thinking, and how much or little you are basing on the past.
Good wishes!
drjean
Hello! I personally think drjean's idea of thought stopping is very good, I've used that method myself and it works.
Letting go of the past is something extremly hard to do, so maybe talking to a T, counsellor, a priest or even a family friend would help you.
Also try discussing this with your boyfriend, you should feel much better after that.
Best wishes!
Leanne