In my late teens/early adulthood, my relationship with my older sister/legal guardian became strained when things she perceived (that were not true) caused her to not trust me anymore. She was always accusing me of backstabbing her and deliberately trying to hurt her, and it got to the point where I chose to put distance between us because I couldn't take it anymore, and I hoped time and distance would help. Now (15 yrs later) I regret that she and her sons are not a bigger part of my life, but I don't know how to make this relationship work when she still surprises me with oversensitive reactions to things I say, making me think she still views me in this way. I'll be making general conversation, with no agenda, and she'll suddenly snap out some defensive remark, as though I was implying something about her, or she'll respond as though she thinks I'm either lying or exaggerating. She seems to think I'm always up to something, and she tells others in the family about these things, and I think they believe her. I don't know if she will ever believe me, and I don't know what to do, or if/how to approach the subject with her.
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Answers
First, you have to realize that things might never become good between you and your sister. If she hasn't worked on her feelings and reactions to life incidents, then she probably isn't ready to consider that she may have been wrong in making those accusations of you in the past. She may still hold to the old picture of you, too.
Begin by sending cards, or e-cards to her. Express your desire to repair the relationship. The next step will be up to her.
Good wishes
drjean
Hi Half-Full:
Could you write her a letter, describing how you want to be back in her life, and the kids lives?
It would be good to get it all out...if you do, make sure you do a big letter, getting everything out, about how you feel, how you miss her and the kids, and the like.
Tell her you want things to be different, and that you are trying to change your relationship.
I hope it works for you.
Best,
Clyde