I'd love to have some good quality resources that offer advice in raising a child that's not your own. He's five and his parents are in his life, but extremely limited. He's been with me for over three years now.
As he's getting older, he has alot of questions regarding his parents, what and who I am in his world. What concerns me is the insecurity that I'm picking up on as he's starting to realize more about his "situation". I think he realizes that people as important as parents can "not be there", and might be afraid I won't be as well.
I realize that one wrong sentence on something this important can make the world of difference right now, and hope to say the right things as well as gain some insight into what he might actually be dealing with.
KD
As he's getting older, he has alot of questions regarding his parents, what and who I am in his world. What concerns me is the insecurity that I'm picking up on as he's starting to realize more about his "situation". I think he realizes that people as important as parents can "not be there", and might be afraid I won't be as well.
I realize that one wrong sentence on something this important can make the world of difference right now, and hope to say the right things as well as gain some insight into what he might actually be dealing with.
KD
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Answers
I totally am in agreement with Aletha Solter, Ph.D. Consider reading her books. Maybe in the second book, Helping Young Children Flourish, chapter on helping your child overcome fears, is a good place to find your answer?
http://www.awareparenting.com/
Hmmm...that is a really good question. While I know you will do so, honesty is of extreme importance. If he asks and it does not hurt the situation between you and the parents, let him know if it is feasible for you.
You are such a great help to others, so by reinforcing him, letting him know you are there to answer questions for him, that helps you help him with the insecurity.
I dont have any links off the top of my head, but hopefully I or someone else can find some...
Interested in knowing how this is going for you KimmyDawn. Check back and let us know if you can!
www.preschoolrock.com might have what you're looking for; google "raising your grandchildren" for other website resources (second page)
Kimmy, I personally think that anything told with love and consistency will work, and that there are no "one wrong sentences" to worry about.
At age 5 he already has assessed the situation, but doesn't have all the answers for what he knows. Just as you probably have been doing, just answer his question with a short reply. If he needs more he'll keep asking more questions. Often people give children too much information (such as the whole story of the birds and the bees when all the kid wanted to know was "when people love each other they decide to share it with a baby."
Children ask questions that are "acceptable" but hold back and fear asking the ones that aren't (to them.) He's wanting security in his life. He needs to know that everything is ok, and he is loved and will be loved forever; that he will always have you there to help him. Make sure he hears that while things might change as he gets older, those things won't change. And help him realize that even if the situation gets bad (again?) that it won't stay that way, it will get fixed and better again.
Be sure to ask him, when he thinks he's done asking, if he has any more thoughts or questions. Keep the door open. You have a good mother's instinct and while your concern is genuine, the worry isn't necessary, imo.
TC
drjean