I have 2 daughters ages 30 & 32. I live with the one that os 30 because she wanted to move to FL with me after my divorce. We have lived together 4 yrs. The past 6 months she has been saying things like, When I come home do not talk to me. And when I am in my room do not talk to me. I am hadicapped and have 5 chronic illnesses and have been mostly bedridden 13 yrs. Last time I came home from the hospital I asked her to do my laundry,which I usually can do but this time I had to recover from heart failure. I ran out of clean underwear and PJ's to wear because,even though she cleaned the close she didn't bring it to , I asked to bring it to me and she started yelling at me. She said she doesn't want to make me dinner anymore...but she only did about once a month. We lived in FL and moved to OK in NOV, she said she would pay for the move. Then at last minute said she didn't have the money for that. And asked me to sell my car for the money to move and she would buy me an older used car.I agreed. Now she says she does not owe me a car. Also while in FL she borrowed $22.000 for a car from me and agreed to pay $200 a month until paid off. Now she says she doesn't owe me,but she does owe me $10,000 for that. And when I sold my house I got 94 thousand and we took out $500 a day for food,furnishing the home we got which I put $15,000 in. She thinks she doesn't owe because she paid more morgage and utility money then me.I gave her half my SSI,$300. She put out $1100. in her view she has paid for the $48ooo and 20thousand for car. But that wasn't what we agreed to. I bought her a bedroom set and computer and new bed and the only thing I ask for money for was the bed,She said ok. Now she says no I figure I put out money to help you live so I don't owe you. She originally said she wanted to come to FL to help me because of my illnesses and that she was depressed. I am suppose to really not be seen or heard. Then lately she would call her sister and lie and tell her bad things about me I didn't do. She would tell me too..your getting sicker all the time I think you will die soon. daily she said that for months. Now both my girls are against me.They said i am too judgmental and they do not care or want to hear my opinion. Yet I hear theirs about men I dated,etc. The other daughter in TX,her husband said it was the last straw and I am a loser all my life...this is because i said to that daughter ,she was pregeant, are you going to stay home and raise the baby? I think you should put him before things..they travel all the time and have a new house and suv's and are very materialistic. I realize I gave my opinion there..but it was years of not giving my opinion toher and keeping it light on the phone.I have had many years of therapy and i am very aware what i do and say. They definitely give alot more opinions about me,my choices and what I should do..more then I do them. Now the one that lives with me...is engaged to a 50 yr old man(I am 51) and I am not saying a word against this.HE is a nice man.Now that she has used up my money and even my car money I am stuck. And she said she won't help me find a subsuidized apt. I have no car to get out to see one. But I am managing it. She also put my mail on hold and has stolen my money. When I bring anything up she will say,,,very accusatory, I KNEW you would bring this up!! And then calls me judmental. They both know I am a christian. they say things to me that hurt me because I am a christian..example.Mary,the I live with said that she takes showers with her boyfriend at truck stops..because he is a trucker. I did object to the tx daughter marrying her husband 7 yrs ago because he was unfriednly to me and my family. And came from Mexico and knows english well but would only talk spanish when over at my house. And never thanked me for furnishing their home.High end things too as a wedding present. I fought with my daughter then and didn't go to the wedding. Afterwards I appologize for years and years and asked them to forgive me for doing that.I am still being punished for that one. And now they had a baby boy and they are going to Mexico to baptize the baby. Because Alkex said I have gone too far.Well I have told you the 2 things I said to them in 7 yrs. I do not get it. And she won;t talk about it..she said it is 80% my fault and 20% their fault why we I am not welcomed to their home. Now,the one at home calls the tx daughter all the time now that she has a boyfriend.And now both girls are meaner then ever to me. I have the past 2 yrs actually stopped giving my opinion to either one...except for that one slip to tx daughter. It is very very upsetting to me. I cry about it..and all they can say is ,.,we can't think of examples but you are just so judgemental. What i have said...is your such a good teacher, your hair cut is beautiful, you really good at......whatever at the time it is. I want to move and have to now. And I feel like never talking to them again because no matter what I do or say nothing is good enough to them. And we were so close when I was raising them. Laughing to we cried. But also a balanced way of discipline. I was in therapy when I was raising them and took the advice of a very good psycologist on how to deal with them and I went to therapy so I wouldnt' pass on bagage from my family. I was very abused in everyway. But I still was there for my dad up to age 88 the most I could being bedridden. I just do not get all this and it is so hurtful.
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Answers
Hi there...is there any way you could find a way to live in your own place, even if you would have to call SSI and let them know you want to be the only person to receive your check?
I don't know if I would allow her to live with you anymore, either, if she is going to treat you badly.
Perhaps you both could seek therapy together? It may help.
Best,
Clyde
I'm sorry to read about all the hardship you have been through. Yes, it does sound like removing yourself from their grips would be a good thing for you. There are many resources to help you, especially since you are disabled. You can ask your doctor, or call the local hospital and talk with their social worker. Free consultations are usually very productive in finding what agencies and help are available to you.
We all have family members who seem inconsiderate at times, and some of them might never really learn to treat parents with respect. You have to do what you have to do to take the best care of yourself that you can.
Good wishes
drjean
I'm so sorry for you. Children should never treat their mother that way. Mothers are special and are meant to be a daughter's best friend throughout her life. And after all you've done for them! It may be hard but you should (at least for a little while) cut them from your life. Let them see what it's like without the nurture and love of a mother, and let them fend for themselves. Or you could always try and do therapy together like another mentioned, or perhaps find something you both would enjoy together to try and rekindle the relationship. Just a couple suggestions, best of luck, and God Bless.