Avatar Posted by ghost 1912 days ago (Question)
I was doing some research on Borderline personality disorder and i noticed some of the symptoms.....

"Impulsively in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)"

and so i was wondering....me and her fight everyday....since "sex" is one of the possible symptoms... what r the chances of her being unfaithful?? do most people diagnosed with BPD cheat?? Im concerned about my health...what should i do?


Answers


theskysgoneout
1911 days ago
First of all BPD is a tricky diagnosis that's pretty controversial. So just because some people have said she has it doesn't mean she really does.

Second base what you do off of how you know her personally not off of the diagnosis. I've been called borderline (Don't agree with it though) but I've never cheated and don't believe I ever would.

You can't really get much info from the diagnosis.

Just ignore it and react to her actions how you would otherwise.
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chahinet
1911 days ago
ghost,

Let's deal with your actual concern first. Is she faithful?

Statistics show 30 percent of men and 15 percent of women reported that they had been involved in at least one extramarital affair. The rate of infidelity goes up with age in both sexes. So percentage wise in the normal population, you have good odds that she will not cheat if she is content in the relationship. However, you admit that you are in a very volatile relationship. Which gives you reason for concern.

A true borderline only behaves in risky behavior when they feel stressed and out of control. Otherwise, they can actually be very appealing and entertaining individuals. It is only when their coping skills cannot accommodate the stress level they are under that the disorder rears its ugly head. We all respond in a similar manner to stress the difference is that most of us are not as impulsive, labile and risky as the person with borderline personality.
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Clyde
1911 days ago
(((Ghost)))

You have to separate the disorder from the person. Just because she may be BPD does not mean she is cheating on you. It is the same thing as saying that a person who is depressive is always, continuously sad...sometimes things are not always set in stone.

If you are worried about your health, too, get an AIDS test among all the other STD tests (if thats what you meant).

Has she really gave you any other identification of being "unfaithful" other than you reading that it may be something in BPD?

Impulsive in sex could also mean too, that she is having a ton of sex with you, not just sex with everyone.

Hope this helps, and hope there is nothing to worry about.

Best,

Clyde
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Bliss
1910 days ago
It's possible she is misdiagnosed. So don't assume anything.

Borderline Personality Disorder are just personality traits. It's not a predictor of behavior. It cannot predict the future.

BPD is characterized by instability in relationships. It's confusing. She might do or say things that aren't congruent to her true feelings. Give her time to sort things out. Don't give her an option for cheating. Be there for her. People who cheat are looking for something missing in their relationships. If she ends up cheating, then you'll know it wasn't due to any but her desire to end your relationship.
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AshleyJoan93
1286 days ago
Ghost,

It sounds like that since you guys argue alot that you may have some trust issues with her that you may be blaming on her disorder. You need to think things over, and discuss your concerns with her.

Good luck,

AshleyJoan.
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KIMSCRAZEE
1100 days ago
i have it honey and i don't cheat - they are unrelated. you ability to love and respect is not deterred by this disorder. she may have other problems that are unrelated to the disorder that you don't trust. life with me is not easy - believe me LOL but i would never cheat on my man!!
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randomxs
948 days ago
My Fiance has BPD also, the seriously bad arguments have near stopped now because I started reading and understanding her condition better. If you want to be with someone with BPD expect your feelings to be hurt, dont get angry "I know thats tough" But she really is feeling hurt its not a matter of it being true or not even though you know its not true. Alot of times I can interupt her behaviour by just holding her and telling her that I love her and everythings ok. As far as cheating on me I dont think she would because BPD also comes with fear of abandonment issues, I used to worry about it to but after 2 years of living with it I see that she does really love me with her whole heart and soul and 99.9% of the BS-talk is the BPD.
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olms
903 days ago
Ghost:

You're right to be concerned. I was married for 36 years to a bpd wife. The first month of our marriage, on her first day of her new job, she met a married man and four months later they were having sex, which lasted for six years. When he changed jobs, she applied at his place of work, and didn't get it. She then went to plan 2, which was to run me off so he could call on the phone and arrange new dates. I didn't leave because of our young son, which was why she didn't leave, for the following 29 years of our marriage, she hated my guts because I by my presence ended her affair. The lesson is, if you get married, don't have any children, for your benefit, and hers. That is, if she has an affair, she can leave without having to leave her child. It's also not fair to the child to have such a situation and such parents hating each other. She never forgave me, even on her deathbed from a long illness.

Tom
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howyoudoing
902 days ago
Hi Ghost - I found this thread through Google and read it because it was one of the first concerns I had about my partner when we first met. She was quick to tell me about BPD so I researched online and looked at all the symptoms to know what I was dealing with. I'm quite a hard-wearing guy so none of what I read really bothered me... apart from, like you, the sexual behaviour. I also read at the same time that BPD can be controlled a lot more by the individual then most give credit for. 'Theskysgoneout' above, made a post - very true in my experience; judge the person you are with on the person they are, not the illness they have. No one's actions are beyond their control in my opinion, although BPD peeps may find it harder than most. Wouldn't it be a bummer if your relationship ended because of something that didn't really exist? I'm not an expert by any means - I can only call it as I see it - but my advice would be to worry about the things that have happened, not the things that haven't. Life's too short by far
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lloyd7852
899 days ago
Well I have a feeling that Ghost has not seen many if any of your answers but you have all helped me immensely. I am with an incredible woman with BPD right now. We have been together for 4 years on and off. While I clearly have my issues I believe that our breakups have mostly been due to her BPD. Right now is an unusually tough time for us and I am not sure how to handle it. I am not so much worried about her cheating but I did catch that part about the risky sex behavior much like Ghost. I am going to take most of your advice and deal with what I know or believe and assume she is not so far.

The thing that I am confused about and struggling with is that it seems like things are going very well for her and us. So much of our lives is better right now and yet she is "stressed". I am surfing the web to learn more about BPD and all that it entales so that I can better understand her and the clues she lays out for me. Anyway I just wanted to leave this note so that you know that I appreciate what you all wrote and that it has helped, even if only a little.
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LovebirdsFlying
852 days ago
Only five of the symptoms are necessary for a diagnosis. Even if BPD is the correct label, it doesn't follow then that she will demonstrate ALL of the behaviors associated with it. By the way, I realize how old this question is, but maybe my answer will benefit someone else.
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servant1
287 days ago
you can go to the highest pay doctor in the world an will still not get help you.then again you can go to nearest church free an get on your knees an ask GOD to come into your life, then he will give yo the right the direction to go, for your girlfriend, she should do the same. but if you read an search for answer you know you will never fix it, why not go to GOD? We people make things complicated GOD don't. GOD love you an your girlfriend, don't think at a certain boyfriend an girlfriend shouldn't be. marry her or let her go, the longer you her boyfriend the less value she is to you or anyone. I thought a lady suspose to precious. but women lower there value when they have sex when not married, then if leave her who wants her now. but you wait till you was really ready, it would been well worth. oh you still love herright? make it right, an ask god for guidance, peace always
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