My family always gets together for birthdays, and we plan it for what the birthday person wants. My mom planned a little b-day party for me, and although I tried to keep her from bothering, or spending her money on me, she wanted to do it.
She was saying it's an important day and I should celebrate it, and that I could have my favorite black forest cherry cake, or whatever kind of cake I want. She just called me last night, to tell me it's all set up, and she got a white cake. I asked her why, because I'm the one in the family who doesn't like vanilla.
She said that nobody will eat the kinds I like.
She even planned and ordered the food without even finding out what I want. It's not about the cake or the food, it's what's behind it. We always make a special seafood dish for birthdays, because it always makes the birthday person happy. This time she just decided to order pizza, and she didn't even ask my opinion. I always feel like don't belong anywhere, and she really made me feel like that's true. I cried all night, because I feel as though my brothers and her should just have the party that they want, to amuse themselves and for them to have a good time, because they weren't thinking of me at all when they planned it. I really feel like I'm nobody right now. I don't know why on my special day, she gets all the stuff that my brothers like, and doesn't care about me. She just says, nobody likes what you like.
Am I just being too sensitive?
Sunny
She was saying it's an important day and I should celebrate it, and that I could have my favorite black forest cherry cake, or whatever kind of cake I want. She just called me last night, to tell me it's all set up, and she got a white cake. I asked her why, because I'm the one in the family who doesn't like vanilla.
She said that nobody will eat the kinds I like.
She even planned and ordered the food without even finding out what I want. It's not about the cake or the food, it's what's behind it. We always make a special seafood dish for birthdays, because it always makes the birthday person happy. This time she just decided to order pizza, and she didn't even ask my opinion. I always feel like don't belong anywhere, and she really made me feel like that's true. I cried all night, because I feel as though my brothers and her should just have the party that they want, to amuse themselves and for them to have a good time, because they weren't thinking of me at all when they planned it. I really feel like I'm nobody right now. I don't know why on my special day, she gets all the stuff that my brothers like, and doesn't care about me. She just says, nobody likes what you like.
Am I just being too sensitive?
Sunny
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Answers
(((Sunny)))
Are they always doing the kind of thing you mentioned above? If so, I would definitely think they are being too mean and cruel to you...if not, I would wonder.
Is it possible that they were thinking of everyone else as well? Would there of been a lot of people eating the food, or just a few people?
If there were a lot of people eating it, I could understand more about your birthday foods not being exactly what you would want, but if it is just your brothers and your mom, I can see how it would upset you.
Do something for yourself to feel better on your birthday, or the day after, I should say.
Hugs,
Clyde
Thanks Clyde,
It's just my brothers,my great uncle, me and my mom.
I had a really great birthday, with my boyfriend already.
It was the fifteenth of February. He took a lot of care, as he always does. It's something we do for each other each year. We make sure we make it a special day, where the other is absolutely celebrated. That was really nice.
I think that because this is the family I was born into, it just really hurts to be 'forgotten'. It's not so much the cake and the food themselves, as is it the symbolism.
I feel as though I didn't matter to her.
She wasn't thinking of me when she planned out 'my party'.
I don't know who she was thinking of.
Then she got mad and defensive, when I brought it to her attention. She just said that nobody likes what I like, and that they won't eat it.
That's not true though, because last year we had my favorite cake and they all loved it.They said they liked my taste.
I recently bought a workbook for managing the symptoms of
complex post traumatic stress disorder, and I'm a little more sensitive now that I'm working through some of the things I've been through. I wish she could be a little more understanding, and not break me down like this, when I'm trying so hard to just live.
It was as if she had no clue, that she was subconsciously putting the party together as if it was only for my brothers. Later, she offered to buy a small chocolate cake for me, but that's not what I wanted. I wanted her to realize that she was putting the party together without me in mind. It really hurt me to know that my favorite things never came to her mind, when she was planning out a party that was supposed to be for me. It just really hurt, and I spent all night in tears. I felt like I could be invisible, and she wouldn't even notice.
Of course I'll go to it. I'm not going to be childish about it or anything. I just feel that it wasn't really meant for me, that's all. Thanks for your reply, Clyde.
(((Sunny)))
I hope they think more of you from now on. Best of luck working with your PTSD, and I hope that it is a good process for you.
I am glad you have such a kind and caring boyfriend.
Best,
Clyde