Ok so heres the deal Ive been diagnosed with manic depression and bipolar when i was 12 before that when i was 7 i was just diagnosed with depression my mom has told me many a times that Ive been like this every since i was a baby i never cried sometimes she would have to pinch just to make sure i could even feel anything .... now I'm 20 and Ive been self destructive for i don't know how long.... i have 2 children .... the first time i was pregnant was at 16 and then at 18 they are 17 months apart...i do believe that sometimes I'm just going crazy i never feel like i get enuf sleep even if i sleep for days .... which i don't get to do very often...i have severe migraines sometimes lasting for days....I'm always hurting some were...it seems to be that if the only time I'm happy is when I'm using drugs Ive been in 3 rehabs Ive been going to A.A. and N.A. meeting since i was in my mamas belly .... so i know all bout that...Ive tried to kill my self several times but only bye overdose the first time was when i was 9 i ate 40 Bayer aspirin.... i had to eat charcoal not very fun .....Ive hospitalized many times .... but now that i have my babies .... i cant just take a break to get my shit together the only reason why i keep on going everyday is because of them but when they are not around i go into a deep spiral real quick .... Ive a HUGE problem with being by myself and it has driving away many a people I'm very clingy whether i have a boyfriend or several people living with i always manage not to be by myself I'm always trying to help other people and i just trust to many people most of the time i get burned but i never seem to get mad about though there is the rare chance that i will never talk to someone ever again and it usually over something stupid but i still continue to do the same thing ....usually things will go good for awhile but then something will happen to make everything go astray and it is usually caused by me ...I'm so scared to do anything in the fear that i may fail (getting my GED or driverlicence) i can never seem do anything right....bout the only Ive done good is raising my girls but even my mom seems to criticize that alot along with several other people though cps has been to me many times they always say there is never a reason to be there my girls are perfectly fine and that i am a wonderful mother.... pretty often i catch my self peeking out my window think that my neighbors are plotting against me and watching me to see if I'm doing anything wrong so that i can be kicked out of my house even when I'm walking down the street i feel as if somebody is just going to jump out in front of me and harm me in some kinda way though it doesn't really scare me the thought of it ...also when I'm in my house i cant have the light off i run through the house thinking something is right behind me and is going to get me kinda like the "boogie man" though much much worse than that even with the slightest noise in the dark i cant even get outa bed ... i don't know what the hell is wrong with me Ive been going through this for the past 20 years I'm bout to be 21 i want it to all stop i just want to be happy I'm so sick of feeling like this if i doesn't stop i feel I'm going to lose it one day and never be able to come back from it
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Answers
Hi there...wow, sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Have you seen a therapist for any of this? I read about the hospitalization, so you saw them then, but do you have a current one?
That would be a good thing.
Also, it does sound a lot like bipolar and a lot of anxiety issues too. Please get all of this checked out as soon as you can.
Best,
Clyde