I have written before that we think my son is bipolar.
He could be on drugs. He continually says he is going to kill someone. He never says who he will do that to. I talks about suicide also.He is not living with us so this is long distance. In other word he says this while speaking to me on the phone. It is also usually if I have said he should get help. Or he hasn't liked something I've said. Today he talked to his sister on the phone and swore at her and said he was going to kill someone.
We talked and thought maybe the answer was to call the police where he is and have them check him out. My husband says if we do that he will know and then be more angry.
He is spending money that is not his I won't go into the details of how he is doing that. But he is now in so much trouble I am sure eventually he will get caught and thrown in jail. When he is right he is a very kind hearted person. Even now the money he is spending is not only on himself but giving people he doesn't know things He bought a car for a girl he knew for 3 or 4 days.
My daughter and I both tell him to go get help. But to be honest I am afraid he will and no one will help him.
I feel helpless at this time. I am afraid he will hurt someone but at the same time he has said this for the past year and hasn't yet. My husband feels he is just blowing off steam.
His last e-mail he told me what hotel he is in and the room number and he had never done that before. Do you think he might want us to do something. I just don't know.
I feel desperate myself. Do you have any suggestions?


Answers


SeattleHeart
2223 days ago
Many cities have crisis teams that can respond to people who are feeling suicidal or homicidal. He might actually be bipolar and not realize it. Anytime someone threatens homicide or suicide you need to take it seriously and get professional help. As angry as your son might feel for you intervening it pales in comparison to the regret you would feel if he did in fact kill someone or himself.

If you can't find the local crisis line there is a national one 1-800-273-TALK as well that should connect you to a suicide prevention service. Unfortunately with the way that mental health issues are responded to it is very dangerous to involve the police. Many young men use the police to commit "suicide by cop" in which they provoke the police and end up dead.

At a minimum you need to get help for yourself and your family to deal with his threats. If this is a long standing pattern of his he might have a personality disorder and even that is treatable with long term outpatient.

On a practical level help to remind him of his reasons for living. Explore his suicidal thoughts. Does he have a plan, the means and the intent? Has he already hurt himself? If you really feel he will kill himself then do whatever it takes to keep him alive. Suicide is a permanent solution to what are usually solvable problems.



swtltlgngr
2222 days ago
Thank you that is very helpful. I did talk to someone where he is and they said they needed an address and at the time he hadn't given me one but now he has so I will try the crisis team. So do they go where they are and try to help them? I think it is a possibility that he would hide the way he is unless they could get there right after I talk to him. I do appreciate you help. I don't want to call the police because I have felt it might do what you mentioned above. If he says he is going to kill someone else besides himself should I ask him the same kinds of questions you mentioned about suicide? Like whom and how?



Clyde
2223 days ago
Wow, SeattleHeart has a very good post here, and ideas for you to follow :)

It is very true that he may be "crying" out for you to help him when he gave the number and the hotel.

You may want to call the police or the crisis help in that area.

Best,

Clyde



drjean
2219 days ago
I'm sorry you are in such a dilemma. Can you invite him to come home so you can help him? Did you return his call/email at the hotel? He is definitely screaming for contact and help, imo. That he acts out in rage or such shouldn't get in your way of helping your son.

Keep calling and talking to him until you find him in a more rational state, and help him make decisions on a good action to take. He sounds as though he needs professional help, and maybe medication. Have him see a medical doctor. Not only will that help figure out what is going on, but he probably will be more open to seeing a medical doctor rather than a psychologist or psychiatrist, first.

Don't ignore his cries for help. Do something. The person he is talking about killing might be himself.

Good wishes.

drjean