Hi,
I have been married for almost a year now to my husband, and I love him more than anything. He has a daughter who is four years old with his ex girlfriend (we are both named Megan, this also worried me). I really truly love his daughter and love spending time with her, but we only see her about once a month. His ex girlfriend always tries to talk to Kris casually like they are friends or something and I get extremely upset when I even see her name on the caller i.d. I feel like I am constantly mad at Kris because he has a daughter with some other girl and I feel so horrible. Why does it break my heart so bad when she calls or comes around? I feel so selfish, I am trying to get counseling and my husband and I are actually about to get a divorce, in fact we are waiting for the papers to get here so we can sign them, but I would do anything to save this marriage. I just don't understand why it hurts me so bad to even hear his daughter's name, I don't know what's wrong with me. Please help...
I have been married for almost a year now to my husband, and I love him more than anything. He has a daughter who is four years old with his ex girlfriend (we are both named Megan, this also worried me). I really truly love his daughter and love spending time with her, but we only see her about once a month. His ex girlfriend always tries to talk to Kris casually like they are friends or something and I get extremely upset when I even see her name on the caller i.d. I feel like I am constantly mad at Kris because he has a daughter with some other girl and I feel so horrible. Why does it break my heart so bad when she calls or comes around? I feel so selfish, I am trying to get counseling and my husband and I are actually about to get a divorce, in fact we are waiting for the papers to get here so we can sign them, but I would do anything to save this marriage. I just don't understand why it hurts me so bad to even hear his daughter's name, I don't know what's wrong with me. Please help...
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Answers
meg, the first year is difficult even when there is no previous spouse or child to deal with! Is your husband also willing to work on counseling to save the marriage? If not, perhaps he wants the previous relationship with the child's mother still. How long he was divorced before marrying you could also be a factor.
You say you can't accept the child, yet you mentioned nothing about that, only that you really enjoy spending time with her. It might be kewl to have a (step) child with your own name, you know?
I think you have anger that needs to be resolved. You might have good reason for it though. Even if the marriage doesn't survive, I hope you will stay in therapy to help prevent your repeating any mistakes that might have been made, and give yourself a good chance for a happy marriage in the future.
Take care
drjean
Hi there.
It does sound like a lot of the issues revolve around insecurity that you have of the former girlfriend. There also is a lot of "weird coincidences" in there also, like you both being named Megan, etc.
Would you be able to see the stepdaughter after all of this? Would Kris let you?
I think (unless there is other reasons behind it--which I don't see) it is a good thing she talks to Kris like a previous friend.
I can understand and appreciate your worry, but if he married you, and is still with you--why remove stuff--why go get a divorce?
I would at least go through counseling, discuss this with your counselor, etc.
I mean, everything I see here does not show me that he is being "extracurricular" or anything.
I sense a low self-esteem in you because of her name being the same as yours and as you said, the daughter not being biologically yours. But that doesn't mean that you cannot love her, or that doesn't mean you have to leave the marriage.
Think it out awhile, go to counseling before you decide on a divorce, and try to get him to go with you.
Let him know how you feel too. Communication is so so so so so important in marriages, and everyone agrees that it is, but it never takes place in hardly any marriage. Communication can help save marriages--why not yours?
Best,
Clyde