Avatar Posted by jrm246 240 days ago (Question)
Basically, I found a chat conversation my husband had with a classmate of his whom he met last semester. She was bummed because a guy she liked dumped her saying she was dressing too provocatively. So my husband says to her that she has a provocative body, though it's not her fault. and that many men see her and get excited and want to have a sexual relationship with her assuming that she is ready to give it up. He goes on to say that she is a good girl with a good heart, delicate with a good sense of humor and that she deserves a guy that would respect her. That's basically it. Some background: When I first introduced myself to her, she didn't know that my husband was married. One time, in phone convo that he had infront of me she mentioned it was her birthday but she was stuck at school with no ride and he said he would take her to get some ice cream, but when I told him "cool, let's go" he cancelled the plan saying it would be awkward if I went since I didn't know her that well. Also, he had a text message from her where she was gripping about a guy not visiting her and my husband said that he(the boyfriend) was dumb, because if it was him he would be there.
So I have talked to him about this and he says that i'm overreacting. I want to know: Am I overreacting or is some boundary being crossed?

THANKS!


Answers


Chemar
239 days ago
Personally I don't think married men should be getting into such personal convos with other women
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madluvme
239 days ago
Hard I can see both sides. If it was a guy saying all that you wouldn't have any issues with that conversation but becuase the women is good looking and is being very open.

I think it's great that your talking to him about it. Not sure how your reaction was but remember presentation is everything.

just tell him something like this.

Honey i'm sorry for over reacting maybe i could of calmed down first. Well I'm calm now and I feel that your crossing a line that I"m not comfortable with. I don't care what others couples have their lines we are in this together and i'm drawing a line right now. Please do not go into deep conversations with this women. it makes me uneasy and makes me feel as if you don't love me as much. I am coming to you with this problem your choice what you do with it and how you react again i'm sorry i snapped and jumped to conclusions I don't want you to think you can't have female friends but please keep me on top of your mind. and when I tell you I don't feel comfortable you should be more worried about apeasing me then some other chick. unless we are not on the same page and if that's the case we need to get on the same page.
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bella
239 days ago
I agree a married man shouldn't be the cheering squad for an woman who needs relationship advice. He also shouldn't be taking her for icecream like he's talking to a 12 yr old. Reverse the situation and ask him if he would be comfortable with you chatting with a hot guy......where you would be boosting his confidence, talking about his hot body/how all women are anxious to have sex and how you'd be running to his side anytime. His ego is being stroked by this needy attractive woman and he needs to work on making you feel good.
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tammy122
238 days ago
well i have wen through that same situation with my husband an i let it go an thought it was nothing an well i ended up catching them in bed togeather at our house so no i do not think u r over reacting at all a man that is married has no reason to b talking to other women at all an if its nothing going on then why cant u meet her just keep your eyes an ears open an go with your gut an im sorry u r going through this i know how it feels but on the other hand your husband might not b a sorry jerk like mine
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EmmaM
236 days ago
i dont think your over reacting at all i definitly would have a problem if my husband was chating/talking to another woman the way he is, Maybe sit down and talk to him about your concerns?
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fredflintstone11
234 days ago
I don't think you are over reacting you have a right to be upset however I think you should talk to him about it and let him know exactly how it makes you feel because he may not even know. When he tells you that you are overreacting tell him that he needs to understand where you are coming from. Explain your feelings with out getting angry or upset just talk. I hope everything works out.
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nitty03
221 days ago
To be quite honest I feel you were absolutly right in takling about this situation with your husband. There are bounderies in every realtionship. I know that if my fiance just started chatting up with a girl/woman he used to know etc I would have a problem with it...esp if I did not know the woman. I have many male friends that I have been friends with for 30yrs. My fiance knows most of them & anyone I speak to on a regular basis he is quite aware & knows that I have never had nor want anything more than friendship. He knows these guys are like my brothers. So no, not appropiate in my eyes. Just like the whole hanging out with people from work of the opposite sex. Its just not appropiate...and just asking for trouble.

Just my opinion
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