Avatar Posted by FallingApart 78 days ago (Question)
I have done my own research and I'm almost sure I have borderline personality disorder. Don't get me wrong I'm not a professional but it seems black and white to me. I do have ALL the symptoms.

I am married and have been for almost a year. And I feel it's going to hurt my marriage badly.

My life is scattered with unstable and ever changing relationships, jobs, and friendships (relationships always end badly.) I often hurt those I love and I'm not sure why. (Lying for no reason, saying hurtful things, doing things I shouldn't or said I wouldn't do anymore.) My moods change drastically within a matter of minutes it seems. My husband's feelings and patients are being torn! I often get into slumps about myself, feeling worthless and like the most horrible person. I also always feel like no one understands me or even cares to, (even my HUSBAND who obviously does).

One minute I adore my husband with all my might and just in an instance I will strongly dislike him and feel intense anger towards him for no reason! This causes really bad arguements. And in these arguements I say hurtful things and immediately regret it. I try to put the blame on him when I know it's me.

Some other things that concern me are sometimes I regret being alive. (Don't worry I would never committ suicide or harm myself, I know better.) I have abused drugs and alcohol. (I do not anymore.) I act or say something before I think, and extremely regret it after it is done.

I know this isn't that good of a description but I'm not that good with words these days. I will later try to fix this. But if you can give any advice please do. I don't want to lose my husband! I am going to see a professional, I just have to wait until finances are right. Thank you in advance.



Answers

Written by leonita 78 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Fallingapart,

Well I don't know much about borderline personality disorder and I'm not a therapist, but the best thing you can do is seek professional help, and you are, which is a very good thing. So right now your already on the right track.

As for your husband, sit down and talk to him. Tell him what is going on. He has the right to know and when you two get into an argument, he will be more understanding.

I'm glad you stopped using drugs and alcohol. They do not help in any way. Sometimes I regret being alive to, but what I usually do is think of my family and friends and how they are glad to have me here. So even when I hate myself, it makes me feel better knowing they don't. Try it, maybe it will work for you.

We all say things out of impulse. That is only because we are angry and I'm sure your husband understands that as well.

I wish you the best of luck.

Take care.

Written by Chemar 78 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Fallingapart

I agree with leonita that seeking professional help is the best way to identify why you are going thru this, and be able to get the right treatment to help you

so many things can mess with our heads....even hormone imbalances....so having a check up with your doctor is really a good idea and then, if needed, a referral to a qualified therapist who can help

there is a forum for borderline personality disorder at PC where maybe you can chat with others and see if you still feel that you fit that dx

here's the link

http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=75

hope things get better for you soon

Written by Thumbelina 78 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi,

With all of this going on, no wonder you feel like you are "Falling Apart". Anytime you feel out of control of your thoughts and the things you say, it is so frustrating. I agree with what Leonita and Chemar said about talking to your husband and seeking professional help. There is another couple things I would like to suggest to you. I've been diagnosed with a mental illness for almost 30 years and have been in counseling and psychiatric care for all of that time. First, if finances are a concern for you, check to see if there is a community clinic where they can charge you on a sliding scale based upon income. The sooner you can get the ball rolling on getting some help for yourself, the better. Also, when you finally do see someone, either a therapist, social worker, or a psychiatrist, talk to them about the symptoms you are experiencing as opposed to which illness you think you have. It is their job to diagnose you but your part is to tell them the symptoms you are having. It may be that you are suffering from something quite different than borderline personality disorder. So, kind of try to go in with an open mind. That would be the best approach. I wish you luck.

Written by Clyde 78 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I too think it is a great thing that you are seeing a therapist as soon as finances are "right". Does that mean you are seeing one soon, or do you have a plan on whom to see, etc?

It could be something different too, so it probably wouldnt hurt you to call as many as possible local therapists and see if they can fit you in or whatever, especially ones with sliding scale fees or other things for persons with limited income.

Its just a thought, and it may not hurt, it may help.

Best,

Clyde

Written by Aneohoh 77 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Most people are unhappy because they dwell too much on themselves. That's my opinion.

Get involved with something that is bigger than yourself and focus on it. Whether it is helping the poor, educating our children...mentoring programs, etc. or

helping the homeless....who themselves have a miriad of mental problems.

I think that the less you concern yourself with your own problems and instead focus on others, the happier you will become.


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