i tried to overdose infront of my fiance 2 weeks ago. hes cheated on me ages ago, we finally went to counselling this jan and in the end my fiance said that it destroyed us,i agree. it became very raw at the end and went round in circles. he finally said he wanted to finish which i wouldnt accept. after being together for 15 yrs, 2 engaged, i feel that ive put up with alot and if anything i should be the one to walk away. im in a difficult situation financially etc, long story! i couldnt see any way out, saw it as a choice to get away from all the suffering as id just had enough. he wanted to finish because he couldnt see how i was going to move on from the big issue of the affair. he thought it was too big a step for me to make but i had already decided to move on with him a week before my attempt.so i took advil etc infront of him, i really thought i wanted to go, get out of this world. ive been trying to work out what it was all about. when he was trying to grab pill bottle from me etc. i was secretly spitting out tablets from my mouth. he said that i scared him. i dont think i did it to 'keep' him, more for him to see just how serious i was about moving on with him and not being on this earth without him. after doing this we had a nice weekend downtown, celebrating 15yrs together of all things. after that im thinking can we really survive? surely he is thinking that he could never say he wanted to be rid of me ever again and feel trapped etc. i know it will only take me to walk away but i live abroad here in USA cos of his job, got no money to leave, no family, no job, no kids to live for.


Answers


sharkinfested8
1928 days ago
sorry, i need to add more to my story, im knew to all this.

so i feel now that fiance is not as attentive towards me, after making love he doesnt say i love you first. we went away this weekend and i had to prompt him to say it to me, saying that i always said it first. he said that i was impatient and he was getting round to saying it but i dont believe him. i told him that i want him to tell me to give me reassurance. my goal was to just get on with things and be happy but im fretting over what he thinks in the true light of day. this weekend he didnt hold my hand as much or be so attentive generally, i think he is realising he is stuck with me! i may be wrong! ive told myself to not be too clingy or to say i love you first or go to him first. one way of getting rid of someone is to ignore them, i wonder if that is his game plan. i said i would be positive which im trying to be. when ive said something negative generally or about him jokingly hes definitely turned it around to defend himself, hard to explain, i dont put him down in any way. he did say why the hell do i love him, that is a good question! so basically can a relationship survive on a suicide attempt, any personal experiences welcome. i really do feel that im not strong enough to move on, there are too many mountains to climb and yes, i suppose i am a coward, we are both in our early 40s btw.



Thumbelina
1928 days ago
As you know, those of us here are not professional counselors or therapists. My first reaction to reading everything that you've written is that neither one of you is standing on any kind of solid ground right now in this relationship. It kind of seems as if you are trying to keep your balance on a rocking boat. You say that you tried to committ suicide in front of him but as the actions unfolded you found yourself spitting the pills out as he was trying to grab the bottle away from you. I think at this point, both of you are more or less in shock following this event and where your relationship stands. You are doing a lot of guessing about your feelings and about his feelings. If you think that you can increase the communication and talk more about how each of you feel and what you want in the future, then that's what you need to do at this time. If you continue to have difficulty talking about what each of you want, then it might be wise to go back to counseling and see if you can work on better communication of these things. As it is now, the two of you are merely existing out of habit with little sharing of your lives and goals.



sharkinfested8
1928 days ago
im scared to go back to the counsellor, for lots of reasons, she will tell fiance he has a choice to end it etc, of course i know that but i dont want ideas put into his head. also ive looked up suicide here in states and its not a freedom of choice, instead you are committed and have to go infront of a judge, no way! the counsellor did say ages ago that if she thought i was at risk then she would have to report it so im in a no win situation re telling anyone about this, it wont be confidential. yes i think we are both in shock, you are right, im so scared we wont survive this, is it really possible to after such an event? thanks for your comments, they mean so much as i feel in limbo like you say, its good to talk about feelings. im scared to talk to fiance tho as we are supposed to be moving on and not dragging past up, i can defo tell tho that he isnt the same, i feel as though he resents me, im usually right with my instincts and this is starting to make me panic again and consider ending it all again.



Thumbelina
1927 days ago
If you feel at all suicidal again, go to your nearest emergency room and tell them how you are feeling. Feeling suicidal is serious and the next time you try you may succeed. Please do this if you feel very strongly about it. It is not good to use it as a ploy by doing it in front of your fiance again because - heaven forbid - what if he should not stop you in time again? Or what if he can't? If you start feeling this way again, go to the ER.



Chemar
1927 days ago
I do agree with Thumbelina that you need to seek professional help for both your own feelings and for your relationship.

A relationship cannot be healthy when it is built on the insecurity and desperation I sense in your posts.

I would also like to point you to a Survivors of Suicide group where other members may be able to offer you the kind of support you need

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

I do hope you manage to work things out as you seem to love your partner dearly, but hope you can see that loving someone does not mean controlling them!



bella
1927 days ago
I agree with the above posters. To answer your question "can a relatioship survive a suicide attempt"? That depends and every situation is different. I also think there is more than just the suicide attempt that's wrong with the relationship - your relationship is very fragile due to the affair he had and you are very insecure and justifiably not trusting of him. I will also be honest that you mentioned that you were broken up at the time of the suicide and that out of desperation you took the pills - but you admit you were spitting them out. I know you were desperate, but this is manipulation on your part. I'm sure your boyfriend is very afraid and confused.

You need to see a psychologist to address why you associate so much self worth in relation to your boyfriend. Even if you're not with him - is it worth your life?? No it isn't. A year and a half ago my brother committed suicide and it's devastating to friends and loved ones.

You say you're stuck there with no money. Can you call some family members to help you. There is nothing or no one who is worth committing suicide for!! Here a good link http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

The important thing to remember is to wait when those feelings of suicide come and remember they're only thoughts. Think of it like a scale - the pain on one side and coping skills on the other. You can sharpen your coping skills by taking care of yourself with healthy eating and regular physical exercise. The most important coping mechanism is having a STRONG self esteem - knowing that no matter what happens -you can handle it. Ask yourself don't you deserve better than this? Don't you have the right to live like anyone else? Should you allow your unhealthy attachment to your boyfriend, make you want to die. Please reach down and find the survivor in you. I hope you feel better. Hugs, Bella.



zanzivar
1927 days ago
I know what it feels like attempting suicide and I know that you felt that you were losing everything. I haven't attempted it in ages but more so since my brother committed suicide about 7 weeks ago. Now my eyes are opened and I realise the heartbreak that I could leave behind. It's a cry for help is what you were looking for but I think the main thing behind it is that you aren't able to express yourself properly. That's what I have found anyway.

You need someone outside of the family like a therapist. If the last one didn't suit you then go for another one. It is very hard to tell members or your family or your partner that you are suicidal. But professionals are there for those purposes. They are great at being non-judgemental and won't be afraid to hear you suicidal thoughts or urges.

There was a talk show on Today Tonight here in Ireland and they were saying that there isn't enough Talk Therapy. I think there is great truth in that and I feel a huge sense of relief after a session. I also feel energized and am rearing to go afterwards. I think these people do great work and are so badly needing in our community. Go now and work on this issue so that you can assure your partner that you will not do this again. He needs to hear this and may be very frightened by what you did.

You might also consider the economic cost you would be to your country if you tried suicide. How much less food, clothing, hobbies ect. would you not spend if you decided to not go now instead of waiting for your natural death. How many jobs would be lost because of you alone. One job lost would be too many but I would imaging the figure to be much higher. I thought that was a very interesting topic that was brought up on the TV. I had never looked at suicide from that angle.

Hope you will look after yourself.

Zanzivar



Clyde
1927 days ago
I think it is also vital that you talk to him about this stuff when you two are calmed down a bit from the whole affair. Its not like nothing just happened.

A major event just happened, and you both really have to talk it out with each other, and see what he feels like, he may not feel that good about you anymore, but you never know either, until you actually talk to him.

Best,

Clyde



sharkinfested8
1927 days ago
yes, im scared Clyde that he doesnt feel that good about me anymore, it may have seemed controlling but i just wanted to show that i was prepared to move forward and put everything behind me which he believed we couldnt do and would never come out the other side. i dont feel i can go to a counsellor again, she said that if she thought i had suicidal tendancies, was going to harm myself, then she could report me. ive seen that its illegal here in usa to kill yourself, and you get committed then go infront of a judge, scarey. so who do i speak to instead. btw, got no family left at all, had older parents so all gone now. only child, got good friends but would never ask them for money.



bella
1926 days ago
Do you have a job so you could support yourself? You need to learn how to depend on yourself and not someone else for happiness. You can't end your life over a man!! If you live in the U.S. there's always social assistance.



sharkinfested8
1926 days ago
because we arent married, just engaged, this isnt recognised with immigration, im on a secondary visa accompanying partner cos of work, v.scarey, i expire every six months and have to leave to come back in again, we both expire next aug so maybe thats his deadline to not 'renew' me! i cant work cos we arent married, i would get kicked out so hard. i used to teach but really dont want stress again of it all back in uk. please tell me, am i right in thinking suicide is illegal here in usa?



sharkinfested8
1925 days ago
im in total shock, ive just found out hes seeing someone else over here, early mornings going to see her instead of going to office, i feel sick, i just dont want to exist anymore, i just dont feel strong enough to carry on and walk away. i want to trash everything before i leave but think i will just pass out as i walk down the road with my cases after it all.



duck
1917 days ago
Seek out help.

Pretending to O.D. in front of someone is cruel and sick.

His cheating on you was wrong, too.

Perhaps it's time to move in, literally and figuratively. Find somewhere/country that you can work, and stand on your own two feet for a while. Get a good therapist to work with.