Avatar Posted by ilaria930 62 days ago (Question)
Hey. Before telling what has been bugging me for the last two years. Let me tell you about myself (of course, this has a point).

I am a 15 year old student with good grades and a growing confidence, which has abeen growing in the past year. I come from an Asian family (meaning strict), with a father who works as a social worker, and a mother who works in a salon. I live in a flat, because my parents can't afford to buy a house yet. Don't get me wrong, we're not dirty poor, we actually get on quite well. Also I'm emo. I've started about 3 years ago. No, i don't self harm in ANY way, but I'm not scared to aknowladge that, along everyone, I have a dark side. I like punk and rock clothing and music, the works. you can imagine. I don't follow fashion, but I make my own; If I do, I only go for high-street clothes, but never designer. I don't care if something's cheap, if i like it. I am also into manga. one thing i hate is romance, and always choose horror over love. i dont get as emotional as some girls get at my age and i dont act harshly or desperatly because of love.

I was never ashamed of who I was, because I am an individual. but then i met this girl, let's call her x, whom i gres friends with. x is 15 too, comnes from a middle class family, living in suburbs, going on holiday every year. her family isnt as nuclear as mine, but they do earn a hell of a lot. x is very fashion centered, she wears classic clothes, never jeans or hoodies, and doesn't buy anything unless it's from a brand she heard or from an expensive shop. she likes hip-hop. before she met me, she hated emos, and probably thinks of them as satanists (which by the way I AM NOT), and probably does still. that didnt stop her from almost strangling herself at school and being almost suicidal (when i was there, i did do my best to control her), because of love. she practically lives because of it and me, being insensible, cant say anything sincerely because i cant sympathise. i got her into manga, which she loves, but her parents disagree and told her severily never to bring one home again. she still does, and hides it form her parents. and because my parents checked it first, i am sure there isnt anything explicit in them. her dad hates me, even though he hasnt met me yet. x isnt fond of him either. i think she thinks her mom will hate me too because of the way i look. for example she would go with me at the cinema, but not shopping with her mom, as she said herself 'hoodies and jeans aren't my or her thing'. she seems to be ashamed of her parents and mine to meet, even though my dad has been always kind to her. she doesnt agree with my style of fashion she says that her kind of fashion is the only fashion. i wonder what things she would think if i told her i live in a flat. she gets slighter grades lower than mine, but always moans when i tell others that i got an A (pride i know. but people do ask me, and i have a reputation for getitng good grades). its really annoying. i mean, she told me to get a whole new formal wardrobe for a college with a formal clothes only uniform. i am sure i havent got the means or the want to buy a whole new wardrobe (i only have jeans, tshirt, that kind of stuff)

so there. is our friendship actually worth it, is she being too posh and patronising? or is it my stubborness?


Answers

Written by Thumbelina 62 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi ilaria930,

You know, I was thinking as you were describing yourself, how really great you are. This sounds lame, I know, but you sound a lot like my son. He's got his own style like you and his friends are unique, too and peole acuse him of being emo but he's not and he's smart and gets good grades cuz he knows he's smart and he wants to be an art teacher. He's into 3D art right now.

I think your friend likes you because of who you are and because of your uniqueness. She sees that in you. She is who she thinks she's supposed to be because of what she sees in the magazines. You are who you are based on what you like, not what it cost or who made it. She sees that and envies you. And I think she also envies your family, I'm serious. Even though your parents are strict, I think she envies it because she sees that they care about you.

Don't ever apologize for getting good grades. That's what you are in school for. And twenty years from now, that's what will matter, not whether or not you wore jeans or not.

I think if you and your friend enjoy being friends, then be friends. Look past that other stuff. Be friends in spite of your parents. You can teach each other things.

I think you are someone I'd like to have as my friend.

Written by Fpsy 61 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I guess the question is, how much do the differences between the two of you cause any problems. Does she say and do things that make you feel bad about yourself. Does she really accept you for the way you are, or is she judgmental of you and other people.

I have friends of different ages, different backgrounds and different dress sense. But they all accept me for who I am as a person and don't judge me against their own subjective notions of how they think a person should be, think, dress, act, work etc.

That's the only kind of friendship I develop.

Hoodies rule! btw

Written by Clyde 47 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I dont see yourself degrading yourself at all. You sound like a good thing, and I am sure you are. Your friend sounds good too. The only problem I see about her is her not wanting you to be with her Mom and her because she worries about how her Mom will take you?

It could be that she is just worried how your Mom will take you, not that her Mom wont like you.

Best,

Clyde


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