Avatar Posted by life_undefined 200 days ago (Question)
I came on here to just get some advice about life, relationships, and moving on. So, please help me out, and sorry about this being extremelyyyy LONG ! Thank you so much .

I have been having a hard time trying to forget my past, what I was done to, and the people that I used to love with all my heart and call friends or best friends. I have been used, lied to, made fun of,let go, unwanted, and forgotten. I have been through so much at such a young age, and this has been happening to me since I was in elementary school . Middle school was even worse for me because I have been treated very badly by people. I cried every single day, and even wished I was dead . I kept a journal writing about my life, and everything that happened to me since 7th grade and all the way till now. I wanted to forget everything that happened and everyone so I threw it away. I didn't want the evidence of such a horrible young life.

Now, life isn't all that great . I feel used,sad,and confused. I have always been the better person. If I made a friend , I would treat the with so much respect, be honest to them, and love them as a friend. I am such a nice, and caring person. But it looks like people always take advantage of that. I don't even know what I end up doing wrong, i'm always left by everyone. Everyone who ends up being my friend leaves me. We can be the closest of friends, share secrets, and spend time with each other. But after a while, they leave me without even having a reason. They just stop talking to me, ignore me, and pretend that I don't even exist. Even though,they see me. They just walkk passed me like I never existed. I thought being a good friend, and a caring person, people would love me for me and for being real. It looks likek im always kicked to the side. I have lost MANY and MANY friends. Some I even uused to stand up for when people used to make fun of them. I would stick up for them, when they were afraid to speak up. I would be by their side 100% , but in return after they meet new friends they leave me.

I remember about this all the time. I can never forgive any of them or forget. I miss having them in my life, I guess i'm just stupid ! I have a hard time letting go, and I trust people, and get attached to them easily.

Now, Once of my close friends just stopped talking to me out of nowhere. Which has hurt me badly. It just made me feel the pain I have felt for years.

At the moment i currently have nobody I can call a friend. Except for one bff , who usually gets mad at me, and we usually argue. Now, it's all fine, but I believe would one day leave me. I have been left by so many. I don't know what I do wrong. Sometimes, I even hate myself. I have parents who don't understand me, and I don't have an older sibling to talk to about this. I have nobody honestly. I only have myself . It's just so hard. I have become very depressed, and everything around me just feels dark. I feel like I was a mistake, because nobody cares about me. It's hard for me to be happy . I always hide the pain with a smile though . Im almost 18, and about to graduate from high school , and yet still stuck in the past.


Answers


mark25624
199 days ago
I have been done in the same as well.

But! What I find is that those in the past!

Stay in the past!

You cannot hold on to the things of the past because it does nothing to or for you.

All you can do for yourself.

Is to dump those people that have done you wrong in the trash.

And move on.
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bella
199 days ago
Sorry you're having a hard time with friends and feeling depressed. Have you thought about speaking to a therapist since you said you're depressed? Unfortunately some friends during high school, are somewhat fickle. All you can do is keep being a good friend and its also helpful to get involved with something you feel passionate about - like volunteering and hobbies. I hope things improve for you soon.
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umamenina
198 days ago
Hey life undefined, I am so sorry!! Although I may not have gone through all this and I am afr from being a specialist, I feel like your problem is rejection. Rejection of others and of yourself. Did you ever wonder if the problem you have is that you live for pleasing others and that you identify yourself in them? I think that maybe you should work on accepting yourself for who you are, be fine with who yourself and you might see things through a different angle. I hope this helps!
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Lagiole
197 days ago
Dear Life Undefined,

Thank you so much for sharing. I can identify so much with your feelings. I am thirty five years older than you and I have had these feelings all through life. A famous actress named Mia Farrow did an interview many years ago. She said that the hardest thing in her whole life to deal with was the losses, comings and goings of people that she cared about.

So hard to grieve our losses. People always come into our life, for years, months, weeks or even a day. Very often strangers can be kinder to us than supposed friends.

I would meet people that had the same 3 friends since first grade for all their lives. Not me. I still have dreams/nightmares about my best friend in 5th grade. We spoke everyday in school, ate lunch together, called each other every night and shared all of our secrets. One day she came into school, started talking with another girl in our class and never spoke to me again. I have no idea why. It blew me to smithereens!

High School was absolutely the worst. I would never want to go back to that time ever again. To this day, when I have driven by schools at recess, I have looked at the children and wondered how I have always let people have so much power over me.

It seems to be deeply my nature. I am still working now on accepting that about my nature. I was just born highly sensitive. It has been a blessing and a curse. What does help me is reading about others who are of like mind.

More than half of the problem was ripping myself to pieces, criticizing my self and being positive that I was somehow to blame and defective as a human being. Now that was definitely a lie.

If you google 'highly sensitive people' you will find a web site by that name. Check it out as well as other links at that site. It was an eye-opener for me. It helped a lot to get rid of the endless self criticism in that department. If we could seriously be as kind and as good a friend to ourselves as we were to others, we could start to heal and move on to the next friend God has coming our way. I hope it's a help.
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NeedHelpWithFriend
197 days ago
Hang in there!
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