I came on here to just get some advice about life, relationships, and moving on. So, please help me out, and sorry about this being extremelyyyy LONG ! Thank you so much .
I have been having a hard time trying to forget my past, what I was done to, and the people that I used to love with all my heart and call friends or best friends. I have been used, lied to, made fun of,let go, unwanted, and forgotten. I have been through so much at such a young age, and this has been happening to me since I was in elementary school . Middle school was even worse for me because I have been treated very badly by people. I cried every single day, and even wished I was dead . I kept a journal writing about my life, and everything that happened to me since 7th grade and all the way till now. I wanted to forget everything that happened and everyone so I threw it away. I didn't want the evidence of such a horrible young life.
Now, life isn't all that great . I feel used,sad,and confused. I have always been the better person. If I made a friend , I would treat the with so much respect, be honest to them, and love them as a friend. I am such a nice, and caring person. But it looks like people always take advantage of that. I don't even know what I end up doing wrong, i'm always left by everyone. Everyone who ends up being my friend leaves me. We can be the closest of friends, share secrets, and spend time with each other. But after a while, they leave me without even having a reason. They just stop talking to me, ignore me, and pretend that I don't even exist. Even though,they see me. They just walkk passed me like I never existed. I thought being a good friend, and a caring person, people would love me for me and for being real. It looks likek im always kicked to the side. I have lost MANY and MANY friends. Some I even uused to stand up for when people used to make fun of them. I would stick up for them, when they were afraid to speak up. I would be by their side 100% , but in return after they meet new friends they leave me.
I remember about this all the time. I can never forgive any of them or forget. I miss having them in my life, I guess i'm just stupid ! I have a hard time letting go, and I trust people, and get attached to them easily.
Now, Once of my close friends just stopped talking to me out of nowhere. Which has hurt me badly. It just made me feel the pain I have felt for years.
At the moment i currently have nobody I can call a friend. Except for one bff , who usually gets mad at me, and we usually argue. Now, it's all fine, but I believe would one day leave me. I have been left by so many. I don't know what I do wrong. Sometimes, I even hate myself. I have parents who don't understand me, and I don't have an older sibling to talk to about this. I have nobody honestly. I only have myself . It's just so hard. I have become very depressed, and everything around me just feels dark. I feel like I was a mistake, because nobody cares about me. It's hard for me to be happy . I always hide the pain with a smile though . Im almost 18, and about to graduate from high school , and yet still stuck in the past.
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