My daughter-in-law just up and left her husband and 2 children. She told my son she was "unhappy". This is the only thing she would say. They have been married for 13 years. My son had no clue or indication she was "unhappy" until she just broke the news to him she was leaving. She told her girls that she was leaving and would not be back. My question is, "how do I handle and deal with this as a parent and grandmother?" She has not asked for a divorce since it has only been 4 days now. Our son and grans are not handling this well which is to be expected. They have been and are a Christian family. Help me understand what I am suppose to do at this point.


Answers


sfa1
1850 days ago
I would suggest that they speak to a family counsellor, they will help the kids deal with this separation. There has to be more to the story then she was not happy, if there was no indication that she was unhappy then I think that counselling could really help him. As a parent and grandparent there is really nothing you can do other then just be there and support him and comfort the children. I would just be supportive and even speak to the counsellor at the kids school they may also be able to help the kids make the adjustment.



diddlede
1850 days ago
My son begged his wife to go to counselling and she said flat "no". We have suggested to our son to seek counselling on his own and he has not agreed yet. I will be supportive of our son and comfort our grans as much as possible. Speaking to the girls school counsellor is something our son needs to think about. Thanks for the suggestion. As the days go by without their mother and their family torn apart, things are bound to affect the way they relate to school. You have helped and I thank you so very much.



Thumbelina
1850 days ago
I know this is very painful for you to see your son and your grandchildren suffering like this. I'm sure you have offered all the sage advice that a mother and grandmother can offer. The most important ongoing thing you can do (assuming you live close by) is to do what you can to help your son with any extra things that you can do for he and the children. And, of course, be an ear for listening and a shoulder to cry on when necessary. There is also the possibility that the daughter-in-law may have a change in heart and come back one day after she realizes what a mistake she made in leaving. You never know.



diddlede
1850 days ago
Thank you Thumbelina. My son just informed me that it looks like she is not coming back at all. He is begging his dad and I to help him keep the girls and his new 4 year old home. I have told him his dad and I will do everything in our power to see his wife does not get the girls and we will do our best to help him keep his home. We are still hoping and praying that things will change real soon.



diddlede
1850 days ago
Forgot to say that the wife left 5 days ago. Maybe there is still so hope.



bella
1850 days ago
How old are the girls? If they're very young - ths may be post partum depression. One time a friend of ours had a married daughter with 2 small children and she spontaneously just left. It turned out she was very depressed and overwhelmed and felt leaving was her only choice.

Were they having any problems or was she depressed? I realize this is very stressful for your family but you really need to learn more about this situation and she may end up changing her mind.

It does concern me that you said you/husband will do everything to stop her from having the children. I know it's natural to feel hostile but the children do need to see their mother(unless of course there's abuse). I'm a firm believer when a couple gets divorced, the children should be spared, being thrust into the battleground and children need both their parents. It's important to be civil and respectful to each other.

I know it's hard not to get emotional and feel resentment towards her - but please try to be compassionate and understand that she may be emotionally fragile or depressed. Approaching this with kindness and support is the best way to handle this situation and best for the children as well. My heart goes out to you an I hope it all works out for everyone. Bella



diddlede
1849 days ago
Bellacutie, the girls are 13 and 7.

No, she showed no signs of being depressed or having any problems until the day she told our son she was leaving. She told him on Wednesday, a week ago, and told the girls on Thursday night. Our son had no clue whatsoever and said everything was as usual up until Wednesday night when she did not come home all night.

We would never put our grans through anything more than they need to go through. However, my son seems to believe she will try to take the girls away from him. He has been a good father, good provider and has never strayed in anyway from his marriage vows. We will do everything to help him see he does not lose his girls permanently is what I am saying.

We have no resentment toward the daughter-in-law. In fact we are going to be very positive in the things we say to the girls when they ask questions.



bella
1849 days ago
Thank you very much for the reply and clarifying what you meant. Well I guess it's not post partum depression LOL. Is she depressed at all? Maybe she's having an affair? I agree your son shouldn't lose his children. If they can't be reconciled then hopefully the children will get to see both parents. This must be so utterly confusing for the girls and all of you.

Did she give your son any reason why she left or doesn't want to come back. It's wonderful that you are there for your son and grand daughters.

I hope you know I am only interested in the childrens happiness and that why I asked for clarification. I pray it all works out and keep us posted please, hugs Bella



Clyde
1849 days ago
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diddlede
1849 days ago
My son told me today that he is pretty sure it is over. He does not know for sure, but he does not believe there is someone else. I have heard that a spouse is the last to know when they are being cheated on. Found out today from a councillor that my son is planning to see that when someone leaves a marriage like this with no real explanation 90% of the time there is someone else. This percentage is not sounding good. On top of everything else not even her own family seems to know where she is staying and she will not talk to anyone in her family, her mom, dad or 3 sisters, her husband or her children. It is like she has just dropped off the face of the earth.

Thanks everyone for your concern and thoughts.