im not really sure what to do. ive been stuggling with a ton of mental issues through my life but for over a year now everything has been for the worst. my highschool friends, almost all of them, ditched me last year and it made me turn for the worst. recently my best friend and only confident decided to start ignoring me too. even though i have a bunch of new great friends from university i feel utterly alone. if i talk to them too much in a day i feel like ive bothered them and i pull myself away. i drive myself insane. my thoughts are almost all cynical. but i cant help it its all i know. i just feel like a bother, and like what i did to my old friends, just bring the darkness inside of me out to somehow ruin these guys lives as welll. i just am too weird, annoying and dark for people. the depression and loneliness and anxiety is killing me. suicidal thoughts have taunted me for quite some time but now they seem even closer to reality than usual. i want to get better but even if people were to finally care i feel like i wouldnt be able to believe them and id pull myself away again. im driving myself insane. what do i do? please dont just say things will get better..... i need to know how to cure my thinking process somehow.... without people saying just to think positive and stuff.
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