Growing up I was spolied, and got whatever I wanted. I got materalistic things but all i ever really wanted was love. my parents were never affectinate with one another they never said i love you to each other nor their children. I can honestly say that i've never felt loved ever in my life. When i was younger i was very emotionless by that i mean it was hard for me to feel what others were feeling like if a friend was sad i didn't now how to comfort them. Im 20 and i have never been in a relationship part of that is because i been depressed since age 14 and being very insecure with myself. Im not even sure how to love if that makes any sense. Im slowly but surely getting over my depression and learning to love myself because i do want to be in a relationship and be happy. I also have trust issues i don't trust anyone and part of that is because i was sexualy abuse when i was young. I've been through so much with myself in the past that now im just trying to grow and become a better person.


Answers


Edahn
1927 days ago
Well, you said yourself that you're learning to love yourself, so you must have some clue about what it's like and the path to get there. As I see it, everyone knows how to love. Love is, in my opinion, kindness with investment. Kindness is just opening your heart up, to anything: yourself, another person, even an animal or a person who's suffering in a news story you read. If you can be kind, you can love. I wonder if you HAVE experienced love, but are having trouble identifying it. When you feel open, tender, and connected, you're there. I think the capacity for it is innate.

There's a lot you mentioned in your post. Maybe all of that, including any fears you might be having, is absolutely okay. I think it's okay to be imperfect and it's okay to mess up in life. Try to learn from your mistakes and just do your best. The same goes for loving another person. Just try to trust as best you think a person goes about that. If you mess up, adjust and try again. Eventually things will click into place.



Edahn
1927 days ago
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bella
1927 days ago
Hi,

have you ever asked your mom why she has never told you she loved you. I can understand if your parents had marriage problems, why they didn't say it to each other, but it's sad they didn't say it to their kids. I tell my kids several times a day and they tell me. I'm sorry that you didn't feel love. Honestly I think you should ask them why?

Edahn gave you some good advice and it's true you first need to love yourself. I can understand why you have trust issues because of the sexual abuse. But you can trust again and when you learn to trust, then you can let someone love you. Love takes many shapes like Edahn said - love for an animal, child, friends, partners etc. Some of the emotions of love are kindness, empathy, respect, sacrifice, compassion and so on. Depression can also block love - that's why people will say - " I've lost interest in everything and everyone."

Ultimately you don't have to follow the same path that your parents set out for you. I think you should tell them nicely how you feel - so that you could have closure. This is not to make them feel bad. It could be that your parents (mom in particular) were very unhappy people themselves, which made it hard for them to show love. I think if you understand why they didn't show you - then you will feel better about yourself and know that it wasn't because YOU weren't LOVABLE, it was because they were suffering somehow.

I hope that you will feel better and realize that you can make a new life and chart a different course. I hope that you'll learn to love yourself and love others. If you ever have children make sure you give them what you missed. Hug and kiss them often and tell them that you love them.

I think that you should find something that you're passionate about and volunteer - this will bring out the kindness, empathy and love in you. You're right you have been through alot but you can overcome it and make a good future for yourself. Best of luck to you.



Clyde
1922 days ago
I like the other two posters...to learn love is to reciprocate it.

Best,

Clyde



karissa
1922 days ago
you can't love another person, untill you love yourself. :)



howodd
1387 days ago
As someone who was once unemotional and had a very bad childhood, I can say from experience that when the time comes and when you meet the right person, you will know what it feels like to love. It was someone else loving me that taught me what it was like to love. It will happen, just be patient.