Avatar Posted by poohbear 1191 days ago (Question)
Where do I start? This all just happened to me yesterday and my head is still spinning.
Five years ago my mother passed away. My dad who was left behind was very ill, in and out of the hospital. I lived about an hour away then and came to see him several times a week at home or at the hospital. He couldn't take care of himself alone, so my family moved here to help him out. I have been commuting to work ever since. Two hours a day on the road. Anyway, my parent's Will stated that I will get the house after they die, since they had already given hundreds of thousands of dollars to my sister earlier on. When my mom died, dad put me on the title of the house, so that when he goes it would automatically become mine. My sister will get everything else that's left.
Now a little background on my sister:
She is 15 years older than me. We never had a sister relationship. I grew up with her children. I was only 4 when my niece was born. All my life I have been the victim of my sister's vicious games. As a child she continually tried to hurt my feelings and make me cry. I was devastated so many countless times. I never understood how my own sister could be so nasty. After all, I didn't do anything to her to hate me that much. As a teenager she told lies to my mother, trying to make her think that I'm just a no-good for nothing person. I was constantly criticized and belittled by her. If she had nothing to gossip about me, she would make something up to satisfy her evil need. Once I was an adult, the mental abuse continued on a regular basis. At first I moved far away from my family. I had read a book on psychology and learned that in order to avoid being her victim, I have to stay away from her and her circle.
Today I'm in a situation where I can't avoid her, because I live here with my dad and my family. I moved here to make it possible for my dad to stay at home so he doesn't have to move into a care home. Now she's been trying to manipulate my dad. She's telling him nasty stories about me to work him against me. It almost worked. Yesterday she dragged him to the notary trying to get him to sign the house over to her behind my back. Little did she know that I need to sign the document too. Her plan failed. After the unsuccessful attempt she sent her son to talk to me to see if I'll agree to add her to the title of the house. I almost had a heart attack, after I put the puzzle together and realized what they tried to do.
Here they were trying to take a knife and stab me in the back. Since that didn't work they wanted to give me the knife so that I could do it myself. I'm in a state of shock. Where do I go from here? I don't even want to see or hear from her ever again. I know she can't be trusted. What will she do next? I'm so scared and I feel totally helpless. My dad thinks that she'll try to drive me out of the house next. Her plan didn't work and she doesn't handle defeat well. I'm sick and tired of being harassed by her and her evil ways. It has taken a toll on me. I'm a nervous wreck. What can I do? Please help!!!


Answers


Fpsych
1191 days ago
You have to set boundaries with your sister. Be firm with her, and hold your ground. You seemed shocked at her recent behavior, and yet you moved far away to get away from her. Perhpas on some level while you were away, you had hoped she had changed. Perhaps deep down you might have thought that your fathers serious illness might change her behavior. You have discovered that it hasn't. Once you realise that there is nothing you can do to change her behavior, but there is something you can do to change yourself. That is by setting firm boundaries.

Tell your father that you don't trust your sister. You probably wouldn't be the only one who understands what your sister is like, I would think your father understand too. If your sister makes frequent visits that upset your father in the house, then you have to let her know that her behavior only makes your father health conditions worse. That she is only welcome in the house to visit, if she remains calm and pleasant. Tell her you won't tolerate her trying to make false allegations about you to your sick father. From your sister's point of view she may feel like she is being cut out of the will. Has someone ever explained to her, why the house is being given to you? often families don't communicate very well about wills and financial matters.

How many other family members are there, is it just you and your sister. Are they able to help you out.

If your sister really makes living in the family home unbearable are you able to move your father closer to your own family home. That way she will have a long way to drive to see him, and may be less likely to come and visit. Especially if she is selfish.
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drjean
1139 days ago
Unfortunately narcissism is one disorder that requires extensive therapy. You won't be able to change your sister. You don't have to trust her, and no one can make you do so.

A narcissist believes nothing is wrong with them, but that everyone else needs to get with the program and do what they think is best. Often they have unrealistic solutions for real problems (oh wow did I just define some politicians?)

I'm glad that you are the co-signer, and hope the you have a DURABLE power of attorney. If your dad has a TRUST in addition to a will, then everything will automatically go into whomever's name he selected. Courts rarely go against a trust, as it's a done deal upon death.

Family is tough enough when a parent dies (my mom just passed last year) and prior planning is the best you can do. Even then, expect problems from this sister. Talk with advisors, as they may be able to help you thwart other attempts that you may not even think of!
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npdvictim222
470 days ago
All of these responses/stories are so helpful to validate what all siblings of narcissists experience. It's a safe place to share thoughts where the narcissist will doubtful visit - to tear apart, mock and degrade.

I grew up with a sibling with a severe NPD and being the only other sibling, was the direct target of attack. And, as someone said on one the replies, the NPD person must always win - winning is everything and having the upper hand is more important than any healthy relationship. So, if my sister thinks that she's being outsmarted, outwitted - she'll retreat and just wait until the next opportunity to pounce and gain supremacy. And,as someone said, she just took her ball and went home. I'm resolved to stop trying to "work things out" and come to any "meeting of the minds."

It's futile - my sister doesn't want equality in a relationship with me - she wants dominance or nothing and I can't give that to her. I'm tried of the battle, tired of fighting with her, tired of the game playing and mental manipulation. Every email is scrutinized and she aims to leaves me feeling empty-handed and my thoughts/plans rejected by her supremacy. As one person said, she tells me what I'm thinking and feeling - and tells others what she thinks I'm thinking and feeling whether it's true or not. And, if I confront her about it - telling her she's wrong - she goes into a rage b/c she's never wrong and God forbid that she may have to admit to others that she was wrong. She thinks I'm the weaker one and she can just hold out and I'll fold and come back with my tail between my legs and apologize to her for questioning her actions. But, no more - I'm finished with her games. So, I think the only way to stop the insanity is just to ignore it - keep any conversations short and to the point - don't divulge any personal info. and keep all personal matters to myself. Just be vague and don't divulge any details. Just don't give any fuel to the fire ---- and keep a safe distance. These people don't know how to have genuine, healthy, mutually-respectful relationships. It's all about them and them only so by not playing into their hands, the person may lose interest and look for another victim. I think it's good to leave the door slightly cracked - and set the bar so that you're open to a relationship if changes are made but if not, you'll be aloof and distant. That's my 2 cents again.
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winchester
286 days ago
I have a sister and i can't begin to tell you how very very wicked she is to my dying father. I could write a book on how wicked she it. She says things about what he says. I know he's too sick and zoned out to say anything like she's saying. I'm even concerned that she has gone out and obtained a new will. Leaving my older sister and me out of it. We got a will the was divided in thirds. There are not millions or even thousands, but my sister is so very wicked and don't understand how someone can be that way. The rage I feel can not be told or express I can't even call her by her name any more I now call her "The C".
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