Avatar Posted by tinamom35 99 days ago (Question)
My husband has been letting my daughter drive for about a year now off and on. She is 14, she does not have a license, and can not get a permit til she is 15 1/2. stil ayear away. I dint find out till today. They call said dad was sick and she was driving him home. I am sorry but that is not ok to me, she is not licensed and if something were to happen, then what. I told her to meet me at a store and I would come get the truck and have a friend with me to drive my car home, but he told her NO, just keep driving. I was on my way their direction and saw her driving, signaled for her to pull over and stop, he again told her NO keep driving... My friend said she thought I knew he was letting her drive, he lets her all the time.

I am so mad at her for not stopping but at the same time soooo mad at him for hiding that from me and letting her to keep driving. Like he was not thinking about there well being. He just wants to be cool and thinks that if he does that she will love him more. I dont know what to do, I feel like I have been betray and that he has been making it ok for her to lie to me too. How am I supposed to be a parent if the other parent is doing stuff like that. He is her step father and wants her to love him so he does these things thinking that that makes it ok.

If I cant trust him how can I stay married to him?


Answers

Written by NOC 99 days ago - Show / Hide this answer Rating: -1 | Rate Answer: + -

Written by tinamom35 99 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I am sorry that there is too much of my life story I can not write in the next 2 hours for all of this to make sence... 1)He wants her to love him more than her bio father and so he does things that he doesnt think though to make her want him in her life. 2) the war between the two fathers confuses her. 3) do decieved me his wife!... this just happened like 2 hours ago so I am still steaming mad!!!

There will be no forgiving for at least today..., thanks for your comments

Written by bellacutie 98 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think you're 100% justified to be steaming mad. It's illegal for a 14yr old to drive and he would get in loads of trouble if he got caught. Also it important for you and he, to be a united front and agree when it comes to the children. The fact that he's the step parent makes his opinion less relevant here anyway. Since you're the mother what you say should be respected. He/daughter shouldn't be keeping secrets like that and I would be worried what other secrets they're keeping.

You need to tell your daughter that she can no longer drive until it's legal and that she should not keep secrets like that. I would tell your husband that he should never do that again and that he's teaching her not to respect your wishes. He is not her parent and he needs to respect your wishes as a mother. He needs to bond with her according to your wishes and not try to act like her friend. How do you get along in general with him. You are absolutely right for being upset. Feel free to discuss any other issues you have. All the best, Bella.

Written by Edahn 98 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I would try to not take this personally. Like you said, he did this to try and get closer to his daughter. He wasn't lying to you to get away with an affair, or to steal money, or something else. His intentions are in the right place even though his execution sucked. It's better than he care about having a relationship with his daughter than he not care at all. I'm sure you'd agree.

I think you should talk to him and tell him, firmly but sincerely, that lying is unacceptable in any situation and that he needs to be open. You can also explain to him how you felt snubbed and disrespected by his instruction to her to keep driving. I think your reactions are very legit. If he agrees that he made a mistakes, then drop the lying issue and offer to help him think of safer ways to get closer to your daughter.

Just so you know, lots of dads teach their kids how to drive before they reach the legal age. It's pretty common. Perhaps you can work out something together that lets you all benefit, like, he takes her driving, but only in parking lots or deserted areas. Her risk of injury would be negligible, and he would have a chance to bond with her.

Written by Clyde 84 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I can understand for sure about being mad, but I also think from what you said, he is trying to make sure she cares for him, but of course, he is going about it the wrong way.

I do agree with Edahn that perhaps having her drive in places that no one else is around at is a better idea. Perhaps the three of you could be there and bond together?

Best,

Clyde


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