ok, so here's the thing: my family is pretty messed up. my parents got divorced when I was little, I live with my mom and brother and we live around the corner from my mom's mom, my grandma. I am a 14 year old girl, and I am normal, I think, except that I just pretty recently figured out that my mom emotionally abuses me, or I'm pretty sure anyway. She has weird standards, such as my room needs to be completely spotless just to do something small like go to the library to study with friends for like an hour. She always wants me to be with an adult, and it is suffocating me how overprotective she is. I just want to be a teenager! So you may be thinking, oh she just loves you but I am confused. If she loves me, why would she tell me she hates me at least once a week? she has a terrible temper, and is very stubborn, and thinks everyone is just trying to stress her out when the truth is, it affects all of us too! Why does my mom hate me? i am a lot like my dad, which I believe could be the reason. I thought i could just wait out the four more years i have with her but i realize that, i dont want to completely miss my childhood like that. all these years of yelling, screaming, drama, violence, and shame has replaced all the years of happiness and exploration that i shouldve had. My mom calls me names everyday, and up until not that long ago, shes pushed me around and shoved me, slapped me across the face and on my torso and legs, hard enough to leave little bruises where her fingers were. now, she just threatens to choke me and lock me up in a psyche hospital, and likes to threaten to "knock my block off"


I would just like some help.I feel so worthless, and i never get to see people out of school so i am always isolated in my basement bedroom because my mom never talks to me like, one on one. its always screaming at me because i always mess things up. My dad can't help me, my grandma doesn't want to get involved, and my little brother is mommy's little angel robot. How can i get through this, but if it can be helped, not stir up everything?


I'm sorry for the length of this, i really needed to tell someone, but i dislike shrinks because they don't make me feel any better about myself and never help my mom be nicer because when they try to tell her that she is the one who is wrong, she gets angry and switches, telling me that they don't see everything that's wrong with me and don't know what they are talking about. also, yes i have friends, but none that are understanding, or crazy, enough to wait until i can hang out with them. they get angry at my mom for being such a you know what and eventually after a long time, drift away to be a normal teen and not be tied down by me and my screwed up situation.

Does anyone have any advice at all? i am actually afraid, ill admit it, to call a hotline because i dont want to start crying on the phone and waste their time with my sob stories..and besides, my mom won't even let me talk on the phone, lol, so it is pretty ironic in a sick way. thank you for everything anyone has to say! and i really mean that.


Answers


bella
1567 days ago
Hi that one girl,

I'm sorry you're in this tough situation. I think you need to speak with a school counselor. I don't think you need a psychiatrist because I think you're a healthy normal young lady but with a problem mother. I think you need to be honest with a teacher or school counselor.

It's sounds to me like your mom's under alot of stress and taking advantage of the freedom of not being accountable to a partner - meaning no one's watching her. I also think she's afraid of giving you freedom because she's worried about you growing up - getting BF's etc. It's common at this age for power struggles to come up, but not as you describe with physical abuse and screaming. Here's a crisis hotline you can call:

Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD



that_one_girl
1567 days ago
thank you for the advice! I agree, she is under a lot of stress, but so am I, so I wish she understood. I would tell a counselor, but I am worried that they will tell my teachers and stuff, or tell my mom and I don't want everyone to think differently of me! another problem is, monday is the last day of school, so I have all summer to get through with this power struggle as you accurately described it. I start high school in August, and I hope that it means maybe I get a little more freedom. Probably not, though. One more question, do the things I described sound like they are breaking the law?? my dad knows that she tthreatens to choke me and stuff, and i would like to know if that means he could get her in trouble for breaking the law. I guess i am just not sure which is just mean and which is against the law.



RedAngel
1567 days ago
Well I've gone through this problem in very resent also I'm 14 going 15 this year and have to say this is not just emotion this is physical child abuse and your mom has mental condiction that increases with age and paranoya comes in and pretty soon if not now she will think everyone is agaisn't her and sounds like she's already bad if she's scape goating, blames problems on everything body else in her life but not herself, and if you talk to counsler or hotline she will have to see pycoligist or she losses custody of you and sis and probly go towards your dad or if you don't a relative if they want or foster home but this can not continue since she's getting to point where my mom was before I took action but your is a little worst since she thinks you have problems when its her (scape goating) who has problems but you do really need to take action because she's threating to kill you and this is real danger and if you really need to and recommend is to call 911 and tell police that she''s threating to choke you and other stuff since they will come and help you right away and they will listen to you since you are of age to make choices I know since I got to choose what happen to my mom when she got taken by police but I'm a ok person even though my mom abused me,choked me but point is I had her taken to a psychologist and got a restraining order on her and my twin did also plus dad and had my dad win devorce but point is she will get to point of killing you if your mom's condiction gets to bad were she feels trapped and no one cares for her then she will end your life, sis and her life since she thinks her life has to point to go on anymore but its critical that you call 911 right away before it gets there and tell police about child abuse since it is physical and mental child abuse and stress doesn't cause that its far more since would stress of your life make you wanna hit your own kid or friend and tell them you hate them, your mom has a very bad mental condiction thats getting worster.



that_one_girl
1567 days ago
well, she already called the police on ME! i got mad and when i get mad i dont like to yell like she does i just leave so i tried to go to my room but she kept following me and screamed at me and i couldnt shut the door cuz she picks the lock so i went outside, i wasnt trying to run away or anything though. then she called the cops and of course when he got here she was completely calm and just the innocent perfect mother who was just concerned about her daughter, and the cop thought i was some preteen on her period. she does that a lot so its hard to get her in trouble, i am just not sure about going for all that stuff that you did, although it sounds horrible that she did that to you. my dad cant afford to keep my bro and i, he already cant pay child support and has two other kids. I am worried about making such a big transition and going into all that legal stuff that i have no knowledge of. but, at the same time i want to take action like you, so i guess i dont know what i want.



TruthHurts - LiesKill
1567 days ago
tell your school counselor. if you dont want any one to know let them know not to tell any one thats what they are their for.



PrillieInTruth
1526 days ago
Hello Sweetheart,

As a kid I was emotionally abused by my mother (my father just watched and did nothing about it). I totally remember being your age when it hit me my mom was abusing me. You're so fortunate to have access to the internet for info & advice. I suffered in silence until my 20's.

First off...sweetheart, you sounds like a brave and strong girl. It takes GUTS to ask for help (even if you do it online secretly). You've endured so much and forced to be wiser than you should be at your age. These are the strengths you'll need to overcome your mom's harmful behavior towards you.

You're catching on to the biggest truth everyone should believe: first and foremost...our responsibility is to take care of ourselves. Not our moms. Not our siblings. But ourselves. We have to do what's best for us. You must ask yourself, "what's the healthiest and safest choice I can make for my life, my safety, and my heart?" And it sounds like telling a safe adult your story would be the way.

Parents who mistreat their kids were taught by their parents the opposite of this truth. They're taught to give and get love through controlling their kids, boyfriends, and husbands. They control in ways that can confuse you, brainwash you to think you suck and have no power, and make you fearful to tell someone you're being hurt. These kinds of parents may want to keep you from spending time with friends, boyfriends, and even having a teenage life. And you're totally right, they can put on an AWESOME act to therapists, teachers, as "good" parents. Bullsh$t!!

It sounds like you're scared to tell someone about your mom's bad behavior towards you. It's totally normal to feel scared even terrified, AND it's a clear sign you're the victim of abusive parenting. Abusive people WANT you to feel powerless so they can control you. Because controlling their kids makes them feel secure about themselves (and in some sick way, even loved). Yes, you deserve to have healthy, safe adults in your life who can love you for who YOU are.

As you take brave steps like asking for advice, you're tapping into your natural power...your natural right...and your absolute responsibility to take care of yourself. God it SUCKS to be responsible for yourself at 14 years old. But the sooner you help yourself by finding some good support, the less your mom's behavior will scar you as a kid. And childhood scars can last and affect your entire adult life.

There's lots of help online. I recommend checking out the Boys & Girls Town https://secure.boystown.org/hotline-youth-form/. They're an organization who helps youth just like you. Yes, this site use to be for boys, but it's also now for girls. You can e-mail a safe, youth counselor (not a therapist, but someone like me, I'm a youth counselor - I'm not a professional fart) who will listen to your story and offer you good, practical advice.

I hope some of this helps you. Hang in there sweetheart! While I don't know you, I'm proud of you for starting to tell your story. It's an honor for us that you would ask for help.

- Prillie



beachgirl
1387 days ago
Dear That One Girl...

You are being abused. Please trust your heart and instincts which are to honor your self, your spirit and your life, and find someone to talk to who is confidential, trusting and kind. The post above is excellent in pointing out resources.

I read your letter with tears in my eyes. It could have been written by me, when I was your age, only we did not have the Internet then. If we did, very likely I would have been able to figure out what was going on in my home and that I was not "crazy." Like you, my mother was very verbally and physically violent, made threats, and called me hateful names. There was no one to talk to and no help... she presented the world with a whole other face, and I lived in fear for many years.

If you heal these things in you now, you will have a much better life, a much healthier life than if you wait. So get started! :) You deserve healing. You deserve a good life and you deserve LOVE.

What is happening to you at home is you are being scapegoated, also, so that makes it even harder. Read about that online. There is a lot of information about dysfunctional families and scapegoating.

You feel confused because that is how abuse works. It makes you question your own reality. Please don't let that happen. Keep yourself strong, mind strong, heart strong.. and do not be afraid to let people help you who really care. Everyone deserves to grow up without fear, in in loving energy of a good home.

Take care!! Write back here if you want support too. Often writing is a good healing tool, as is getting support from others, which you need.

I wish you a beautiful, happy and amazing life.