Avatar Posted by Jujubean 254 days ago (Question)
Ok, so a brief background of my life:

I'm the first born of 3, 2 sisters and both my parents are still married. I don't get on with my family at all and find it difficult to get any emotional attachment to them. I avoid speaking to them as often as I can as it reduces conflict. I fight with family practically whenever I talk to them. They make me so angry at the way they act and what they believe and how they treat me that It makes me quiver with rage. They say they are supportive and don't mind what I do in life but I feel as though they look down on me constantly and try to power trip me whenever they get the opportunity. I can't eat dinner with them as a family because the atmosphere at the table is so dense with emotional tension that I can't handle it.

The way they act seems so absurd to me that I have no respect for them. They don't strike me as parents. that's basically it. How can I respect people who are in my eyes not worthy of respect. I see them for what they really are, children dressed as adults. I dislike my sisters too and although I visit my grandparents on a semi-regular basis, I feel almost nothing towards them either. What I do feel is guilt, for not feeling anything. Does that make sense?

I feel like this is my fault and there is something wrong with me, I sense it almost at the back of my mind but everything that I think or hear or feel makes me believe that it is them that are to blame for my feelings. It seems that the 'bond' is irreparable... What do people think? Where should I go from here?

I have also self diagnosed myself with at least 2 mental disorders but I do not want to go to the doctors for help as they'll just give me pills and record me as mentally unstable...


Answers


Roukan
253 days ago
Hello,

My name is Paul, and I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time with your parents. Family can be the hardest people to understand and get along with. Let me start by saying this is not your fault. Your parents seem to have issues themselves. I have found that hurting people hurt people. Don't feel like you have no emotions for your family, if that were the case you would not get angery with them. If you feel like you may have some disorders you really should talk to a psychiatrist, they will not record you as being mentally unstable. There is a good chance they are taking medications for depression or someone in their family is. Remimber, the only thing in life we really control is our actions and reactions.
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bella
253 days ago
Hi Jujubean - sorry you're having family issues. One thing that stood out in your post is this statement and I quote:

"They say they are supportive and don't mind what I do in life but I feel as though they look down on me constantly and try to power trip me whenever they get the opportunity".

What in particular do you think they're judging about your life? Are you doing something they don't agree with? Was there a time when you did feel a bond with them? I understand family can cause a lot of hostility, especially if they act like they don't approve.

If you can provide some more details that would be helpful. When a person's angry, this can block all the positive emotions. I would encourage you to get properly diagnosed and you could tell the doctor you don't want to be on pills. if you have a therapist, it would give you an outlet to express this anger. Best of luck.
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ned224
253 days ago
am in the same position as you am so sorry
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prowlerk43
253 days ago
We are in the same boat I understand this to basically a T. I have learned when someone causes you pain or distaste that it doesnt matter who it is, your feelings are not your fault. I avoid conflict and talk as politely as I can. I try to work hard and be the best I can and when it isnt enough like most times then I say good enough for me. You loose this sense of family when parents decide to not act like parents or they create a hostile environment. It is our brains defense mechanism to prevent emotional damage because a mental illness is sickness and that is something our bodies see as threat. I would know because I have severe depression and emotional issues myself and I decided to take control by learning how it works. The best thing you can do is try to rekindle the bond between you and your siblings. It is very important I have realized since I have a brother because only they know the complete truth and can connect with you. The most important thing you can do is if you plan to have a family someday of your own to teach them better ways and learn from this to be the best parent you can be. Understand that you are not the one who needs to change feelings your family needs to change how they handle the household it seems and if they cant then dont worry about it. Its rough but youll make it just fine. You sound like a potential for depression if you do not already feel depressed, though, and please do go to a psychiatrist to prevent it so you can keep living your life. They are not there to fix you (you do not need fixed) but to encourage you and help you deal with something that in this case is very normal, they are there to make hard times easier.
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