HI! My name is john,17 years-old, and lately i`ve been contemplating on who I`m truly Am. I used to be a fun,good friend,dependent,sociable person who liked helping others. I`ve always took care of myself and was on top of every major priority I had, I was also a good adviser, someone who cared about other people`s problems and look for a solution that will benefit them and make them feel better, I even saved my best friend from committing suicide which now he is enjoying his life potentially and trying hard to strive for success. I liked keeping everything clean, organized in it`s order which supposed to be, used to be interested in reading books about astronomy,physics, chemistry,etc.. and looked forward on being a psychologist since my best interest at heart was giving advises. The problem started 6 months ago when my friend introduced me to an online chatting networking game where you could meet up with your friends, people from different backgrounds and chat for hours. At first my first expression about this network was blunt, I thought it was foolish but gradually i`ve started going online and use this chatting communication network more and more when suddendly I was obsessed and had an strong ambition towards it. While constantly chatting online with variety of people, I also started being belligerent about my school work(homework,test,exams,projects,etc)and then started not attending school at all for days which then turned into weeks then months. Not only did I stopped going to school and failing all my classes,I also didn`t take consideration for my family when they needed me or my friends, ignoring everything that was happening around me and only concentrating at the game. All of my actions had they`re consequences, I failed the entire school year, my mother went through a lot of problems with the school and child services, my family stopped trusting me, I`m not going to private school anymore, basically I disappointed everyone and the perception on how they look at me as a person is completely negative. Right now I have realized the mistake i`ve done and try to bring myself back up into my feets and continue forward alongside in making everything better but I don`t feel myself anymore. I can`t seem to care how clean is my room or the house, can`t give advises like I usually did, i`m not interested in any subjects plus feel psychologist is not my strong subject anymore, I`m not as sociable nor get involve into conversations or when something is wrong neither do I have great ideas no more, can`t concentrate(pay attention), what worries me the most is that I can`t remember things for a very long time( either when somebody had given an advise, spoken about a certain matter, read a paragraph from a book or article) when before I could`ve, I can`t express myself very well and can`t fight back over certain discussions, meaning when someone says a negative comment towards another person or to me, I don`t know what to say or express upon any righteous defense remarks. It`s as if i`ve totally miraculously change on who I was into a whole different person,I`m trying to go back on being myself again but it`s hard even when people,your own relatives have lost faith on you. My mother transferred me into another High school where i`ll repeat my junior year.It`s a public school which doesn`t give me any positive thoughts about positive outcomes and my family are convince that i`ll stopped going to school again and eventually dropp. If anyone has any helpful tips or advise towards this problematic aspects which i`m dealing with right now on becoming myself again or any significant advise on how to proceed forward, I`ll really appreciated and be happy. thank you


Answers


Chemar
1878 days ago
Hi John

so sorry to hear of the struggles you have been going though.

I do want to encourage you that the fact that you have decided to look for answers to your dilemma shows you have already begun the process of recovery. It may take many tiny steps to regain that which you have lost...but you have just taken a real big step toward that! Congratulations :)

I hope you will not become discouraged by the loss of trust from your family. Even though they may be disappointed, they surely still love you, and want only the best for you. As they see you make progress, so hopefully your relationship with them will improve.

I hope you wont let go of the plans you had to become a psychologist, if that is still something you have a desire to pursue. It sounds like you have a very caring nature, especially when helping your friend through the struggles of feeling suicidal.

We all make mistakes at one time or another John, and yes, our poor choices can often have unpleasant and serious consequences. We may not be able to change our past but we can learn from those mistakes and use them as stepping stones, rather than let them become stumbling blocks.

It sounds like the game/chat site you were on had a very negative effect on your life and so I do hope you have made the decision not to return there.

Also, I have some experience with relatives who have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and some of what you have said makes me wonder if perhaps you may have some of those tendencies? Just a thought! If so, there is an excellent therapy option known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that may help. You can read up on that in the Conditions & Disorders Section if needed.

I hope you will continue to post here and find much encouragement to help you move forward in rediscovering yourself.



bella
1878 days ago
Hi John,

I have to give you credit for being so observant of your own life - what were your strengths amd how your weaknesses affect your life. You describe a classic case of computer addiction and you also sound like you're depressed. Good for you for recognizing this is a problem. I think computer addiction is a persvasive problem and so easy to get sucked into. I bet many users on this website are addicted also. When I joined I also experienced times where I was on more than I should and didn't exercise as much as before. When something broke on my computer and I was without one for 4 days - I felt restless and was itching to get back on. I took this as a 'red flag' and now I make sure all my priorities are tended to, before I treat myself to the computer - I discipline myself!! I could feel my strength being sucked right out and literally felt weaker physically. When I cut the grass the lawn mower felt twice as heavy because I lost muscle mass from sitting and doing diddly.

I think far too many young people are sitting at the computer or playing video games instead of socializing and getting exercise. Experts says if things don't change, todays generation won't live as long as their parents - this is so sad. Instead of being like our ancestors who were hunters and gatherers, we've become sedentary gathers of information/technology.

I think you should do the same thing I do and self discipline yourself - it you can cut it out completely that would be best or limit yourself maybe an hour a day or every other day. Make sure you don't go on until you've taken care of your priorities.

Start exercising - cardio at least 4 times a week and weight training 3 times a week. I saw a very interesting show yesterday about the benefits of regular exercise. A teacher who works on a Indian reservation deals with all kinds of behavioral and learning problems. She read this book called Spark(don't know the author) that talks about how exercise actually builds new neuro transmitters and changes brain chemistry. So this teacher set up an exercise room at the school and all the kids had exercise. She found that behaviors problems improved as well as learning, comprehension and concentration - their test scores rose significantly.

Start disciplining yourself with the computer, start exercising religously, eating very healthy and take time to have real fun with your friends. If your mood doesn't improve in 4 months then go to your doctor to see if you need meds or counselling. It's vitally important to have balance in your life and being on the computer was shifting everything out of order. I'm very sure you will be able to get your life back on track. I think you a very mature and you deserve a pat on the back for noticing where it going wrong - hopefully you'll be feeling better soon. Bella :)



Clyde
1875 days ago
It does sound a lot like depression. You do have a good pat on the back from me for noticing what is up with you.

Can you find things to do, such as volunteer, especially with things that interest you?

I also would not rule out going to the doctor if you feel you need to do so.

Best,

Clyde



chikabob8
1868 days ago
Hey John,

I see it's been a while since this post was submitted, so I wonder how things are going for you? Are they better? Did you read and use anyone's advice?

Well, I just stumbled upon this website because Psychology is something I truly love enduring as well. I see that you've still got a lot of the "psychiatrist" mindset too... I mean check out how much you totally just analyzed yourself. And you can't say that writing it down didn't at least help out a little, right?

Anyways, I just wanted to throw some thoughts your way on the troubles you're currently facing. First off, I'm 22 years old. I understand that since my senior year of high school through now, I'm still learning who I am. I think you are as well. Although at one point you're deadset on what you want to do with your life (ie, become a Pyschiatrist) I honestly think that there's so much more experience you endure after high school and that's when you truly realize who you are and who you want to be.

This computer obsession you spoke about, I believe it to be just another thing that you live and learn on. It seems everyone experiences times when their priorities get screwed up. As a girl, I know there's many other girls out there that put their boyfriend before their closest friends and family. Not that you can really relate to this, however my point is it's something everyone goes through which helps them realize even more so what's important. You'll be okay John, I promise. You've already come to the realizations of what's right and wrong. Now you just got to work through it with your head up.

This brings me to another point. At you're age and even still at my age when we're trying to figure out who we are, confidence can be an issue. I think this plays a big part in you're current problems. Without a tough foundation within yourself of true confidence and feeling of worth, it causes others thoughts and feelings about you to tear you down that much easier. Does that make sense? For example, I think you're letting everyone's perception of you bring you down more than you should. You are you and only you know the real you and you're potential. Letting their perceptions bring you down is letting others determine your misery. Don't let that happen. I'm sure you are a great person, you just have to find that and realize what potential you have.

Some things that help you discover this, is to get out. I know at this point you're having trouble socializing which I believe may be a result of confidence and discomfort, however you just got to do it. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Experience things, try new things. You'll realize things you enjoy. And although the things you might enjoy might be different then they used to be, that's just a growing change. You have so much experiences still to come in your life, and with these you'll change so much! But it will all be for the better if you let it.

Anyway, this has gotten really long. I just know you can pull through, it's all a matter of time and effort. Take care of yourself John and anytime you need to talk, give me a shout!

:)

-Bobbie-