I don't care about anything, and I don't have feelings. I don't get happy or sad. The last time I remember having an actual feeling was about five years ago and that was rage. besides that I haven't felt anything besides anger or irritation. I don't care about other people, or what they have to say unless it puts me at an inconvenience. My mother has had three heart attacks in the last year and a half, I understand that I should feel sad or upset or concerned or something but I just think how inconvenient it would be if she died because I would have to go all the way down to Florida and I'm the only one in my family who can afford to pay for the funeral. I have learned to give the appropriate response to people when they are talking to me, but sometimes I end up laughing at things that other people don't find funny at all. I am not really interested in having sex either. I find it entertaining but I don't get any actual pleasure out of it, 8 times out of 10 I won't reach climax. I have never had a relationship that lasted more than 3 months. I think mostly because I just prefer my own company to anyone else. Lately (over the last 2 years or so) I have found that I generally dislike people, I have become more irritable and have been having violent urges. I haven't acted on those urges because I understand the consequences. I don't see this as a problem it just is. I am starting to ramble on so I will end here. I am interested hearing someones opinion or guidance


Answers


Edahn
2043 days ago
It sounds like you're describing depression, based on the numbness, aggressive impulses, sexual history, and hardship you've endured. I'm curious -- what happened 5 years ago that made you rage-filled?

You can take a test here and see what results you get. I would caution you, however, that it's better to get an opinion from a human being than from a computer. (http://psychcentral.com/depquiz.htm) You can read about the symptoms of depression here: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression .

Often times, I think people shut off their feelings when they feel overwhelmed and aren't ready to face their pain and disappointment. Unfortunately, in doing that, they also end up closing their hearts and function through their judgments of things and people, rather than through kindness. If that clicks with you, maybe you could try slowly and gently confronting whatever it is that made you feel overwhelmed.

You can also try visiting a psychologist who you connect with. (First sessions are usually free.) Alternatively, you can try browsing a book on depression and seeing if the symptoms and descriptions resonate with you. You can also try medication, which works well in treating depression, statistically.

I know it's hard. Try and set a course for yourself for how and when you're going to work with this. Try and imagine some progress materializing in the next few months, slowly and steadily, and come up with a few ways that might happen. Maybe seeing a therapist, or trying exercises in a book, or doing more research into your current mental state.

You got this. :)



parastou
1817 days ago
i enjoyed ur conversation with somebody i truly did but i just don't get it why we humans think that whoever in the world is not like us or does not think the way we do is wrong and we should mark him wrong and try to fix him it just doesn't make sense for me that we think we can give ourselves permission to mark people wrong what makes u think that he (somebody) needs a psychologist and u don't just because he doesn't think the way u do

what have emotions done for u me and everyone else that ur trying to make him and fix him so he can have them too

i hope ur not mad

i enjoy a little friendly conversation

thank you

parastou



someguy
2043 days ago
I dont think I'm depressed, I am not unhappy, or overwhelmed I do very well at work. I am better than anyone else I know at staying calm in stressful situations. that incident 5 years ago was just an incompetent co-worker I let myself blow up on because I knew I could get away with it and not face any consequences.



Edahn
2043 days ago
Did you try the quiz?



someguy
2043 days ago
Yes, I scored a 9.



someguy
2043 days ago
Yes, I scored a nine.



Edahn
2042 days ago
Okay. Well, there is another disorder that rings a bell for me. But you should know that I'm not a therapist. You could read over the descriptions on wikipedia and then do some more research to see if it really sounds like you or not. You should also be careful about self-diagnosis, though, since it's sometimes hard to appreciate all the nuances of the disorders.

That disorder is schizoid personality which is characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships and a tendency towards emotional coldness. Schizoid people enjoy being alone and don't crave social contact. You can start reading about it here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder but again, you should follow through with a therapist. You can also buy some books on coping with schizoid personality if it begins to cause you a lot of discomfort.



someguy
2042 days ago
Thank you for your opinion and the link, while schizoid personality does fit with some of how I am, I found alot of things that do not fit with what I am,It did lead me to psychopathy though, and after reading alot of what Hare and Cleckley have to say on the subject, it fits me almost perfectly. While I understand that I am not a trained therapist or psychologist I scored myself a 34 on the PCL-R.

I will continue to do more research on this, But due to my situation I think speaking to someone about this would be detrimental to my current goals.



Edahn
2041 days ago
Psychopathy/Antisocial Personality crossed my mind too, but I don't think you have any of the dysfunctional behaviors. Having aggressive impulses is actually remarkably common, especially if you're a dominant individual (and I get the vibe that you are).

Antisocial individuals often end up in prison. I'm not sure what your current goals are, but I do think that a therapist could 1) help you determine if you are antisocial or not and 2) treat either the antisocial or schizoid personality to help you lead a fulfilling life.

Those are my suggestions. Best of luck to you and please be cautious about labeling yourself. A label is a powerful thing that can make you bring out behaviors you think are consistent with that label that wouldn't normally be brought out and stop other things (like natural self-control and restraint).



bella
2040 days ago
^^^^^^

Great posts/observations Edahn.



saiphstar
2040 days ago
you need a vacation to a very crowed and high spirited place.



Clyde
2032 days ago
I think it is important to talk to a therapist about this and let them know that you feel devoid of emotion. We can take all the tests we can, but it doesnt matter until we get some help.

Best,

Clyde



jeh123
2021 days ago
I feel the same way. The reason I am on here is looking for an answer. I am a 27 yr. old female, but other than that I know exactly how you feel. The only emotion I have felt for years is annoyance. I have had a year long relationship with someone that was totally pretend on my part. I got laid off, and I wasnt even phased, like I robot I just went about looking for another job. My friends think i'm funny and I have a lot of them, but I have to make a concious effort to call them, ask how they are, seem interested in what they have to say. Its not anything that comes naturally. I am not interested in sex, I pretend to be with who I am dating, and go through the motions without feeling. Have you figured out anything that might be useful? I know something is wrong with this, I just dont know what the problem is.



jeh123
2021 days ago
The only thing I can think of is that through time I have subconsciously built up a shield to protect myself...from what I dont know. I have a good life...In return I have blocked out all feeling in general.



blackfoot332
2017 days ago
i am completely robotic. Things that i "should" want or "can easily" get- girls (i have good looks), job/college (i'm above average intelligence) there's just no reaction towards. I'm waiting to want something positive. All i want to do is destroy myself, and i've been doing alot of pushups and situps just cuz they hurt so i can feel something seriously. that's not healthy tho- there's no ease or relaxation or natural ness about me tho. I can't stand anything i do and i'm just trying to be entertained by my own life so i don't want to end it so badly cuz i'm scared to commit suicide. there's fucking mountains of blockage. I don't know.



lost...
1695 days ago
I think the same thing... its as if things don't affect you like they should. My father passed away more than a year ago and I don't even know if it has hit me yet. I have an amazing girlfriend but I mostly think that i don't deserve her / I don't care about her as much as she does me. I'm never good enough for what I get, and nothing is good for me. Can I ever be happy?



maxxie
1640 days ago
i think you have antisocial tendancies



anonymoux
1629 days ago
Ohh sweet! I feel exactly the same since a year ago... but I noticed that you wrote this long time ago.. are you still feeling the same way??? how old are you??? I'm 18... is it normal? I dont know if this is good or bad, but somtimes I think I like it! but some others I start thinking ♪ why? why? is it human nature? ♫ xD



jc93
938 days ago
I feel the same way since I was 10 years old and I'm 18 currently.People are impreesed by the fact that I've never had a boyfriend (some think I am a lesbian) or because I didn't cry when a close relative died, I jus cared about what to wear.If something unpleasent occurs to me, I don't feel anything at all,I just worry about superficial things.i've learned how to fake I'm having a good time or a bad time when it's necessary but I can't decieve myself. I rather be alone than accompanied under any circumstance and don't feel overwhelmed when I am supposed to, like everyone else.I thouht I was srange but there are a lot of people who are like this...you shouldn't worry, I guess.