This is difficult for me to explain, and normally I never tell people what goes on in my head, but this is really starting to scare me.
About a month ago I started feeling like my soul, or whatever it is that makes me who I am, was shrinking. I feel less like myself each day. I can't sleep because i'm petrified that i'm going to lose myself.
Since it started I keep going silent randomly, for example, the other day my boyfriend asked me if I wanted a drink and I just stared at him, completely unable to answer. He's picked up on it, and jokes by calling me Charlie Chaplin, I haven't found a way to tell him how i'm feeling yet. I don't think anyone has noticed a change in me, but I definately feel different.
When I was 12 I started feeling depressed, I was a self harmer and I attempted suicide at 15. After that I got help, and was seemingly fine and normal. Im now 19, and i've never felt this disappearing feeling before. I have no concentration, no appetite. I'm normally a bubbly, smiley person and now I feel like I have to force a fake grin to make people think there's nothing wrong with me.
The disappearing sensation occurs most of the day, but there are periods where it is almost unbearable. Last night I was too scared to sleep, and I was calling people all night and morning just to feel like I was still there.
I realise that my depression has probably come back, I have noticed the general symptoms (lack of appetite/concentration/sleep, no energy, crying). But I don't see how depression could be causing me to feel like im going to vanish one day soon.
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