Recently my mom took me to the doctors and I thought they would be able to tell I was bulimic( and I was sort of wishing they would) but they didn't. Then a couple of weeks ago I gave blood and end up passing out because I was very dehydrated.
My mom is beginning to get suspicious and questions me alot. I am really good at hiding it though, I expected her to notice a little, but she told my two little sisters to listen while I'm in the bathroom to make sure I'm not throwing up all my food.
I wish she wouldn't have told them that because it is really affecting them. My youngest sister has a perfect body, absolutely no fat, but since my mom told her that, she now says shes fat all the time and even says she fatter than me. My other sister has been skipping meals alot lately which is really unlike her. They are really too young to be thinking like that. I know this is all my fault and I know that I really need to stop, but my mom makes it really hard. She questions me when other people are at our house, sometimes people I dont even know, and it's embarrassing. I just don't know what is left to do.



Answers


juicymamajazyn
783 days ago
Do you know what is nice about reading your question? It’s nice to see that you have a genuine interest in helping your sisters and that you also on some level know that the best way to help others is to start with yourself! And I know it’s genuine as why else would you be writing your question on a website that people don’t even know you?? It’s obviously not to get attention!

So you have taken the first step!! You have asked for help and the people on this site aren’t all professionals but we can offer you our experience.

Your mom seems to be trying to help but her method is obviously not effective and probably encourages your habit, I know the guilt wouldn’t help me! I hope you realise that she is not doing this to hurt you more, she obviously loves you cause if she didn’t she wouldn’t even care enough to worry. Maybe if you do become open with your mom about it, try telling her how you feel and ask her to stop doing it? But she may think that if she doesn’t she isn’t “helping you”. Unfortunately some people believe humiliation helps but even if it stops someone from doing something it doesn’t help as it will encourage another bad emotion!

My eating disorder is different but they all have their similarities and stem from an emotional insecurity. I go from not eating to binge eating to try to comfort my emotions but to fix my eating disorder I couldn’t focus on the disorder itself, instead why am I doing this?? What emotions am I trying to comfort with food?? What can I replace this with that is beneficial?? By tracking my bad eating habits I was able to discover the following:

I eat when I am bored. I realised that this was just a bad habit and not so emotional so I replaced it with other stuff. Like I play a game on the computer or I read.

I don’t eat when I’m entertaining myself through work or study (catch 22 from eating when I’m bored) and sometimes even when I am just being lazy… so to work around this I can pre-prepare some meals and snacks and also follow a set time for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner that I stick to and when you do this it just becomes a good habit. When I’m really lazy I still try to force myself to eat and it’s usually a carrot or some mushrooms, something that I don’t have to pre-prepare.

I binge when I am looking for some love and connection with others but also if I need some me time! This one was dangerous for me because I can eat 2 large pizzas or 2 large junk food meals and NOT EVEN BE FULL afterwards however it was making me sick!! Now I haven’t yet mastered this but I am WELL ON MY WAY! I have now found that by having a herbal tea I can meet my need for connection with myself and it’s a healthy alternative! Plus I get variety because I like a bunch of different herbal teas plus I also just love hot water?? Strange but it’s something I learnt to love my trip to Singapore... however I’m still working on when I get upset because I feel a loss of love from someone else. I seem to be able to get strength through anger when it’s really bad but not if something small upsets me. However I know I will overcome this issue as I have been able to progress so much in the other areas, it’s just a matter of time!

Often I wish people could read my mind and know what’s going on with me and then at the same time I like the fact I can keep my thoughts to myself! It will be easier if they knew what was going through your mind regarding this issue however even if they suspect that you might be going through a tough time, they won’t know exactly what is going through your mind. I do recommend getting some help from a professional. I would encourage opening up to your family about your struggle and encourage them to help you. This and being open about it will give you strength and help your sisters and encourage them to get on top of their issues too.



bella
783 days ago
Very good advice and insight from the first poster - thank you Juicymamajacy. Your mom seems to know somethings wrong, but its hard for a parent to realize and actually deal with it. Getting your sister involved isn't the right method. Please be honest with your mother and get into treatment, since eating disorders can be stubborn to treat. There are lasting medical consequences and sadly even death if a person doesn't get help. You need a doctor who specializes in this and tell your mom what's happening.