I have been with my husband for 13 years and were going on our 10 year wedding anniversary. Over the past 6 years things have been bad. He is a recovering addict and we brought our two heroin addicted brothers in our house and it was to hard on my husband and he relapsed after 12 years clean. When I met him I knew he was a recovering addict and I accepted that. I just didn't know the kind of person he was when he was using. He no longer uses and I think that is wonderful for him and I am so PROUD of him but he has the same mentality as a user and has not come back to being the loving husband and father that he was. When he relapsed I stuck through it with him and was hoping things would go back to the way they were but it has been 3 years since he touched me or loved me or even showed me any kind of affection. I love this man with all of my heart and soul and I know the kind of person he can be but I just don't see him ever loving me again. My whole body hurts and I just know how stupid this sounds but I just feel like I would rather die than feel the pain I feel on a daily basis. I have 5 kids and would NEVER kill myself I just feel pain every day. I see the way he looks at me and the way he talks to me and his answer to everything is that if he didn't love me he wouldn't be here.... I think that's just a lie. I feel like I am just some stupid girl that is hanging on to someone that I love soooo damn much and for what? Why cant I just put a stop to it? I am such a good person to give advice I just have a hard time doing what it is I should do to better myself. I just want myself back and be that strong woman that I know I can be...... But I want him there with me to. Just please I am begging ANYBODY to help me!! Please Please help me from feeling this way, I just can't take it anymore.


Answers


Chemar
1467 days ago
Hi

can you ask him to go to marital counseling with you? and most importantly he should be having personal therapy

it is good that he has stopped using, but he needs to restore your relationship and I dont think that will happen without him having therapy.

I hope for your sake (you do seem to really love him!) as well as the kids, that you two manage to work things out



bella
1467 days ago
I agree with Chemar - you should both get into marriage counseling. Do your brothers still live with you? I find the statement 'that if he didn't love you, he wouldn't be there' puzzling but important. In a way it's a compliment but it's also an insult. What does he think is wrong in the marriage and why aren't you both physical?? Is it that he has no sex drive or is he not attracted to you physically anymore?

I think you need to nicely tell him, you need more from the marriage and you need a commitment to work on this in counseling. If he's not willing to do this, you then need to decide what you want to do - stay or go. I hope you can both work this out.



Phrick
1467 days ago
with regard to the same statement Bella pulled from your post, "if he didn't love me he wouldn't be here" I would use that when you talk to him about counseling... for example "you are still here, so you must love me; if you love me please do this with me, for me." I know it would work on my husband, perhaps it will work on yours.



foreverastudent
1466 days ago
I agree with Phrick, tell him if he loves you then he will go with you to marriage counseling.