I have been with my husband for 13 years and were going on our 10 year wedding anniversary. Over the past 6 years things have been bad. He is a recovering addict and we brought our two heroin addicted brothers in our house and it was to hard on my husband and he relapsed after 12 years clean. When I met him I knew he was a recovering addict and I accepted that. I just didn't know the kind of person he was when he was using. He no longer uses and I think that is wonderful for him and I am so PROUD of him but he has the same mentality as a user and has not come back to being the loving husband and father that he was. When he relapsed I stuck through it with him and was hoping things would go back to the way they were but it has been 3 years since he touched me or loved me or even showed me any kind of affection. I love this man with all of my heart and soul and I know the kind of person he can be but I just don't see him ever loving me again. My whole body hurts and I just know how stupid this sounds but I just feel like I would rather die than feel the pain I feel on a daily basis. I have 5 kids and would NEVER kill myself I just feel pain every day. I see the way he looks at me and the way he talks to me and his answer to everything is that if he didn't love me he wouldn't be here.... I think that's just a lie. I feel like I am just some stupid girl that is hanging on to someone that I love soooo damn much and for what? Why cant I just put a stop to it? I am such a good person to give advice I just have a hard time doing what it is I should do to better myself. I just want myself back and be that strong woman that I know I can be...... But I want him there with me to. Just please I am begging ANYBODY to help me!! Please Please help me from feeling this way, I just can't take it anymore.