this is kind of awkward and a little difficult to talk about. the farthest i can remember is from when i was seven or eight. he would just make me touch him or he would rub himself against my bottom or in between my thighs. it stopped when i was maybe eleven i think. i never really though about it and now i don't see it as a big deal. in other words i don't consider myself as someone who was "molested"
but i've been thinking about it lately and what bothers me is that whenever he'd do it i never protested or said anything to stop it. i remember when i tried to get up he'd pull me back, but if i really truly wanted it to stop i could've gotten away ...
he wasn't agressive or didn't threaten me. because in a sick way and even though it was my brother i liked when he did it sometimes, but also part of me wanted it to stop.
i don't understand now. and i don't understand why after all these years(im 18 now) its starting to bug me a little

i really dont think it's molestation though. my best friend was molested when she was younger by her cousin and she still has horrible flashbacks of it and sometimes she gets really down and sad and i have to talk to her and be there for her.i've never told her about what happened to me..and i see her situation and i see that as molestation, but i don't think my situation compares to hers at all because i dont have bad dreams about it or any of the other symptoms i looked up or that she has.
i guess i have a couple questions..

was it normal for me to react that way to my own brother, is something wrong with me?
is what happened with me actually molestation ? or am i looking to deep into this ?


Answers


MEdwards
798 days ago
Hi there.

It would help knowing how old your brother was during this. That would help us understand.

Also, as uncomfortable as it might be to discuss it...you mentioned he made you touch him? How so? If he made you touch...well, him, if you take my meaning, that'd heighten the severity of things a bit.

At any rate, no matter what happened, YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. You were seven. You aren't, at that age, going to view things like that in the same light or with the same knowledge you do now. As for liking when he did it sometimes, I'm going to guess that would be the rubbing you mentioned? Again, you were a little girl. At that age, if something doesn't hurt you (and especially if it causes a pleasurable sensation), you're not going to be too inclined to do much to fight against your brother over it. You didn't do anything wrong, in my opinion. You didn't possess the knowledge to outright DO anything wrong, if that makes sense.

I would tell you nothing is wrong with you now, unless you still viewed this as acceptable from your brother, which based on your post, you do not. You have nothing you need be ashamed of. Your brother, on the other hand, should feel ashamed (severity depending on age).

Don't hold yourself at fault for a thing. You did nothing wrong, and have no reason to feel as if you did.

Take care. I hope I was of some help.



bella
798 days ago
Hi - its common with many child molestation or touching cases, for the victim to feel confused because kids aren't able to process this. Its also common for it to feel good sometimes, because we're sexual beings - again a childs brain shouldn't have to make this decision. Some even feel betrayed by their bodies because they're minds are so conflicted with the feelings in their bodies. Its obviously very shocking when someone in our family is an abuser - often the victim freezes. Yes this was definitely wrong. How many times did this happen?



montana8014
798 days ago
when i was seven my brother was twelve and it went on until i was eleven so he was sixteen,

And I'm not sure on how many times it happened.

Sometimes it'd be on the sofa in the living room, sometimes in his room.

my dad lives on a beach and there was a private pier we always went to and he'd mostly do it there while we were in the water. So a number of different times.



bella
798 days ago
Was there skin on skin private parts, if you don't mind me asking? If he was 12 - 16 and the fact it went on this long - I think this is molestation or incest. He had you convinced this was normal. Did you ever tell anyone or verbally discuss with him...you felt it was wrong? Its also normal for you to question this now.



montana8014
797 days ago
whenever it happened i always has clothes on, he didn't. No i never told anyone. Yeah i felt that it was wrong.



Chemar
797 days ago
Hi

I agree with what the others have commented and just want to emphasize again that you were not in the wrong or bad ....you were a child with no real understanding of what was happening and your brother was old enough to know that what he was doing was not ok. It is possible someone introduced him to sexual activity too early as well.

If this is bothering you, you may need to talk it through with him or with a therapist.



MEdwards
797 days ago
I think given what you've told us (his age and the...details, of his actions), he was well aware of what he was doing. I am sorry. :(

But please, listen well to what Chemar said. You are in no way in the wrong here. If it truly bothers you, it could benefit to talk to a therapist or your brother. In the case of the latter, seek an apology. He owes you one big time, IMO.

Please don't let this affect how you view yourself. You are just fine. Your brother is the only one in this situation with anything to answer for.

Take care, and God bless.



coteh
796 days ago
Hi Montana,

You sound a lot like me, though I'm 48 now and have been dealing with the demons since it ended when I was 14 and he was 19 (started when I was 7 or 8). First off, please understand that any time someone touches a child inappropriately, as your brother did, it's molestation. I used to minimize what my brother did, basing it on the horrible treatment other people went through. I also used to excuse his behavior because he was having mental issues at the time. It doesn't matter if you were beaten or simply guilted into participating, it can be just as traumatizing. I remember asking my friends if their brothers did things to them. Nobody had any comparable stories and I felt tainted. It seems that my experience was more invasive than yours (which does NOT mean that your experience is less traumatic - only different). My brother did everything to me, although I have blocked a lot of it out and cannot pull the full memory of the time he tried to "put it in."

Like you, my body responded. And as another poster said, this is a natural reaction in sexual beings. I wrestled with the guilt of "enjoying" some of it, while knowing it was wrong. It's such a confusing feeling. I loved my brother, got attention from him, and yet felt violated at the same time. He was as bad to me as he was good.

I made a lot of bad decisions as a result of what he did to me. And those choices have hurt me more than he did because I did them to myself. I'm now getting my masters in mental health counseling, mostly to learn why I reacted the way I did. I'm finally almost to the point where I have taken back ownership of myself.

I think you definitely should seek a therapist who you can discuss the feelings with. You may have come through this whole thing unscathed. Or you may find that you have hidden demons ready to rear their ugly heads at very inopportune times. When I finally told my parents about what happened it was 1981 and they didn't teach this subject in colleges. I had a very hard time finding a person competent enough to guide me. As I grew and changed, so did the mental health education. I've seen about 16 different professionals, including MSWs, PhDs, and psychiatrists. I'm thankful I never gave up trying to find the right person to help me.

Please don't minimize this. Instead, do yourself a favor and check inside yourself to see what maybe lurking. Please contact me if you ever need to talk.

: )