i have this friend who likes this guy anyway she asked me to talk to him but gave me his friends number so i started talking to him as i wanted to get to know him a little and now i cant stop thinking about him and he feels the same i think but i am not sure if it is the right thing to do
A place to come to ask and answer questions from others on mental health and relationship issues.
Copyright © 1992-2008 Psych Central. All rights reserved.
Answers
Jazz91, I know it might be kewl for a while, to date a guy this age, but it really is too big of a gap at this time, to have good lasting qualities.
He's out of school, perhaps in college, working full time perhaps... and you are still in school with all those wonderful experiences ahead of you (school ball games, dances, graduation parties, friends etc.)
You have different dreams right now, and sex is high on his list, I assure you. You might share some songs and groups you like, but mostly he is in another grouping, and his overall interests are not going to be where you are. He will also be limited in what he can do when he's with you, or he's going to pressure you to do things at your age you shouldn't be concerned with.
I hope you are able to hear what all of us are saying: don't begin this relationship, no matter how "mature" you really are. Many adults tried such things, going against the advice given them, and found out they wished they had listened.
Good wishes!
drjean
Sorry, Jazz, but I do kinda agree with Perna a bit. One major worry too, is if anything happens, it is possible he could get in trouble too from your parents or family.
I am not trying to imply anything, I am just saying be careful. You still have a long time (hopefully) left in your life to live...
Best,
Clyde
the thing is we do have alot in common i really like him and he feels the same
I'm glad you can see you can see possible positive things in this relationship. I would look at my entire life though, not just the relationship. No one can live their life just in relationship. I think the relationship would distract from, rather than add to, the rest of your current life? In school you would be thinking about him. You wouldn't want to get a summer job or work at continuing education, you would just want to be with him. Your other relationships might suffer; being part of your family and helping support your home, developing relationships with other teens, your peers (everyone has to do this, learn to establish peer relationships as well as up and down in age); there are many tasks that are geared to be worked on now, at the age and place you are now. As we age, age in relationship gets less and less important; no one cares if a 42 year old dates a person 35-55? But even just 2-3 years can be a difference the younger one is because there are specific tasks that need to be worked at and learned during this time, just as young children have to learn to walk, talk, read and write, etc. at "certain" times or their lives get much more complicated and harder to "fix". Older people go back to school daily but it's much better and easier to stay in school originally. Lots of things are possible; it's possible that this relationship would work out great, but the probabilities are not as good as they could be, I would wait for 2-3 years to tackle a relationship of this sort.
It can make him look bad and I don't think a 20 year old guy is going to have a lot in common with a high school girl? Your "job" at the moment is to get through school well so you can get a good job or further schooling. He has already embarked on that next step so you are "unequal" in where you are in life. I would wait until I graduated school, didn't have that burden or distraction and then maybe thought about who I wanted to date and what I wanted to do with my time and money when they were my own.