Avatar Posted by ItsJustMe 199 days ago (Question)
Thank You In Advance For Reading My Story, Giving Me Advice, etc. I apologize if it sounds like I'm whining but I really want to know why I am the way I am and how to better myself.

Hi , I'm a 16. I never kissed a guy, been on a date , hung out alone with a guy or been in a relationship. I don't go to parties, sneak out or hang out late. I don't feel like I do normal teenager things and even my mom complains that I'm being antisocial. I have been to three different high schools and in my current high school, unlike the previous two, I have almost no friends. I hide during lunch because sitting at a lunch table alone as a Senior is just too unbearable. I talk to no one in class unless I am forced to. (I do clubs and activities outside of school and I get along with the other teens there great so why not at school?) I can't figure out what has gone wrong with my life. Guys try to talk to me on the street and I ignore them, even if I think they are cute. If guys try to make eye contact, I look the other way. If I see guys approaching me , I try to take a detour , going into a store until they pass or crossing the street. Guys who I've like at one point and even gotten the courage to talk to, I always chicken out of plans or tell them I am too busy for a relationship. This one guy who liked me tried to kiss me repeatedly and even though I wanted nothing more than to kiss him, I would always back away and make excuses. My friend wanted to hang out but I've only hung out with her in group settings so I lied and told her I was busy. I mean what if we hung out and guys approached us, and I couldnt handle the situation? I see my younger cousins running around with really good looking guys, asking me for relationship advice and I would always have to lie. What do I know? I can't pin point my fears . I want to be social, and hang out with people. I want to have a relationship. I want to kiss and get my heart broken and call someone baby. But I just can't . I'm afraid. I panic sometimes.I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. At this rate it's possible. What do I do?

Thanks again, my fears are ruining my life. Ps I have no money for a therapist.


Answers


Chemar
199 days ago
Hi

it sounds like most of all you just need a bit of a confidence boost! Many teens do have social anxiety so don't feel you are abnormal!

If you get on well with people in your after school activities and have a friend who wants to go out, then the next move really is yours. Like anything in life, you just need to take a deep breath and decide to make the best of it. No one else can make these things happen for you...you are the one holding yourself back.

Do you have any family or other adult friends that you admire and feel you could talk to? How about a school counselor or a teacher you like? Sometimes just having a mentor who you can talk things over with can really help to release social fears and instill self confidence.

I hope you find a way to overcome the anxiety and start enjoying this special time of your life.
- 0 +



Mari_09
198 days ago
Sounds like you're holding yourself back, you're just afraid to be a teenager, hey I don't blame you, I had the same experience when I was a kid, when I turning 14 years old and going to high school, I didn't talk to nobody but they were the ones who came up to me and invite me to be their friends and I did, by the time I was a senior, I made friends with the whole school.

Its okay that you didn't have your first kiss when you're 16 years old, mostly anyone had this experience too, but you will once you get the right guy. I had mine when I was 14. Also its okay that you never been on a date, some people go on dates when they get a little bit older or more mature. Its a good thing that you don't talk to guys on the street, sometimes they're are dangerous to be around because you may not know what they would want to do with you, it would be a better idea to talk to boys at school.

Plus, don't be afraid to make friends, go out there and have fun. Making friends can be easy when you have something in common with or you have a good feeling that this person will be your best friend forever. Don't think about how you're going to talk to people, just do it, just say hi and be friendly. You need to have faith in yourself.
- 0 +



Ellie186
197 days ago
Hey :)

For a start, you're 16 years old. Although you feel grown-up at 16 (believe me, I did), you have a long way to go in terms of maturity, personality and experience of life. From your post, it seems that your main problem is your shyness and lack of confidence in yourself. This isn't a problem that you're stuck with forever - nor does it mean that you're destined to be single from now until however many years down the line!

You're clearly a girl who boys find attractive, even if you don't know how to deal with that yet. The fact that boys have shown interest in you, to the point where one tries to kiss you multiple times, is a sure sign that you're not unwanted by the opposite sex! Additionally, your cousins would not ask you for relationship advice if they didn't believe you were the sort of girl who could have a boyfriend if she wanted to.

Being in a relationship is okay, but there are also a lot of things you may feel you've missed out on as you get older if your relationship becomes long-term (I'm speaking from experience). However, if you still want a boyfriend, the next time you come close to a guy, take a moment to yourself to remember that if he wasn't interested in you, he wouldn't be talking to you in that way. Chatting up a girl is HARD for a guy. He doesn't do it lightly (well, if he does, it's usually a half-hearted attempt and then he moves on. Sounds like some of the guys you've known have made a better go at it than that). He'll be just as afraid of getting rejected as you perhaps are. The next time you like someone and it seems that he feels the same, give it a go, and see what happens. When he talks to you nicely, or makes conversation, just keep talking and let the conversation continue rather than losing your nerve and letting it fizzle out. Harder said than done, I know - but it seems to me that you'll slip up, that he'll start thinking you're awkward or weird or you'll say something completely stupid (you probably think this because you lack confidence in general).

Unfortunately, the truth is that you probably will say something embarrassing or awkward at first! And then, what's the worst that happens? He'll laugh, or he'll tell you he's not interested. At 16, when it's your first date, you're not engaged or married and slip-ups don't matter, you don't have anything to lose by going with the flow and seeing what happens. This may lead to a relationship you want, or it may end up as nothing. And, if it doesn't, there really are 'plenty more fish in the sea' when you have your whole life ahead of you - it's all part of life's learning curve, so try not to take a rejection too much to heart.

The same goes for your friend - you need to just give things a go, and accept her offer of a meet-up, however hard that is. Even if every part of you is telling you to say no, just for once, say yes. Again, what is the worst that can happen? You go out, it's awkward, and you don't go out again. Two things; that's not the end of the world, and neither is it likely! You'll have a great time and think back on why you never did this sooner. :)

Your comment 'normal teenager things' is also a bit confusing, and reminded me of a girl who said exactly the same to me once when we were that age. 'Sneaking out' and 'hanging out late' are not the stipulation for 'what makes a good teenager' - in fact your family probably count themselves lucky that you're not the spoilt, unruly little rebel that a lot of other parents have to put up with. Don't try and go to parties or 'get on the social scene' purely because it's the 'done thing' to do. Being young is about enjoying your life. If that's going out and getting drunk past the point where you remember a thing, or if that's going to clubs and activities like you do, that's your way of having fun - it shouldn't matter what other people do. You're clearly not an 'anti-social' person or you wouldn't attend the clubs that you do. In fact, another reason that boys like you is probably due to the fact that you're sensible, and mature for your age. That's lacking in a lot of 16 year olds these days. Your time for going out will arrive when it's legal, and you've moved on from high school to meet new people who are also legally allowed to go out. It sounds like, as a sensible person, you will attract the same sort of friends who share the same hobbies as you. In a way, it's back to what I said at the very beginning - at 16, you're not an adult. Going out to parties and drinking yourself silly, although it's what a lot of people do, will come in good time - when you're 18. Don't wish your teenage years away.

The final thing I point out is that if you were anti-social and disliked, you wouldn't attend clubs and activities, no friends would ask you out and boys wouldn't like you. It's as simple as that. At 16, you're still finding yourself and discovering who you are, and there's no 'normal' way to do it, there's just YOUR way to do it. As long as you enjoy yourself and make the most of these years by just letting go of your insecurities and having fun (without thinking too much about 'is this what other girls my age do?'), that's what's important. And remember, if you don't try, something definitely won't happen. If you give it a go, there's a chance it won't, but also a chance it will, and that's got to count for something :)

All the best x
- 0 +