Avatar Posted by deems 127 days ago (Question)
I'm 16, feel the age helps for advice. I feel like I am too mean and I want to know if that has anything to do with my parents. My mom is a b***h definitely. I just want to be nicer. I also feel like I can't communicate with people, like my boyfriend. I don't know why I just refuse to show emotion, it's like I want to but I can't. I get soo mad and when people ask why I'm mad I can't tell them I just can't! especially if it's the person I'm mad at. The answer that usually comes out is "you should know". When they tell me to give details I can't..no matter how many times the person asks. I also feel like I always just want to sit there and not laugh and stuff when I'm with my friends but it feels like I do just because I won't seem fun if I'm just sitting there. What I'm about to say is bad, yes I'm 16 but it's not like most other teenagers don't drink..but anyways drinking makes me happy..only with people though..yes I know that sounds so bad..please don't give me any answers like "oh you shouldnt be drinking you're only 16"..yes I know that but trust me you adults are more oblivious then you think. I bet all your teenagers drink..sorry..anyways if it seems like I'm depressed, I don't know why or how to figure it out..I have so much anger bottled up, I hate it. Also I hate thinking! I hateeee ittt! I feel like I only think about bad things. I will not go to bed in the dark with no tv on because then I think about bad things and will cry or something..I'll think about my loved ones dying like horrible deaths and cry. So I go to bed every night with the tv so im just thinking about the tv show and then just fall asleep. Can anyone see anything that might be wrong and why!? I'm so lost in life.


Answers

Written by Edahn 127 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

When you make up rules about what you can and can't do, like "I can't tell people why I'm mad" or "can't communicate with my bf" or "I refuse to show emotion," what you're saying is "this is beyond my control." But the truth of the matter is, it is not beyond your control at all. By acting like it is, however, you never have to take responsibility for it, just as the President doesn't take responsibility for the weather.

The first thing you should do is toss out those ideas about what you can and can't do. You are the one in control and can choose to do certain things even if they're painful.

Next, you should start working against your habits. When people ask you what's wrong, tell them right away. Start forcing yourself to communicate with your boyfriend about what's bothering you, and when you feel the urge to get angry, calm yourself.

I think what you're doing is denying people explanations as a way to gain the upper hand. You keep them in "states of apology" so you have control of the situation. Does that make sense?

Letting go of that control and knowing that you'll be okay is a skill that you develop over time called Trust. You can practice it by getting rid of all the techniques you've been using to avoid Trust: the anger, the control "games," and the drinking. I added drinking not because I'm a parent (which I am not) but because as long as you rely on alcohol, you'll never have to face your problems with Trusting others.

Regarding the TV being on at night, that might also be connected to Trust. If you do not feel safe in life, you will live in fear and need all sorts of techniques (like anger or the TV) to help you avoid that fear. You can confront it by dropping the techniques and becoming familiar with the feeling of vulnerability, while using other, more productive tools to handle the situation like talking, writing, or whatever else you come up with that sounds wise.

:)

Written by Clyde 117 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Well, you DO need to stop drinking. I dont agree with it for anyone, but anyhow...

Read Edahns post. It does seem like you are trying to keep control of the situation, and by doing so, you feel left out of everything else.

Best,

Clyde


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