I have been suffering from an Eating Disorder since I was 14, now 30yrs. In treatment currently with therapist twice a week and dietitian. Seeing therapist for a year. I have past history of physical and psychological abuse by both parents, and psychological abuse from ex-boyfriend. Depression, Anxiety, PTSD.
Abuse started when I was very young. Hated my parents growing up, hence moved 3 states away at 19 years old to escape. Never looked back. We now have a better relationship as I am continuing therapy and learning new ways of coping with THEIR anxiety and issues. I have been more open and honest with them and forgave the abuse years ago. Problem is that I was never taken care of as a child. I was very independent for fear of relying on my parents. They beat us and I didn't want their love, even if they offered. I shut down at a very young age. I never experienced the love and affection of a caring mother and therefore now fear any hugs or caring touch from anyone. I can initiate it for the younger children that are a part of my life, knowing that I never had that.
My question is this:
Is it ok to ask my therapist to hold me during our session? We are both female and she knows about my past. We have a really great therapeutic relationship and I know that she enjoys seeing me. She has commented numerous times that she wishes she could just hold me until the pain goes away and I am ok.
I have even written out my wants and needs to her and stated that I just want to be held and loved. I am so afraid of rejection that I can't ask. I know that there are professional boundaries and guidelines that she needs to adhere to and that is where I fear the rejection will come in. She is very caring and loving, but also extremely professional. I fear asking. I know that is what she wants....me to ask for what I need. I just don't want to ask and risk embarrassment. But I know that this is ultimately what I need to heal. I know it can't be this way everytime, I just need to feel loved and cared for. I can't even cry more than a few tears before everything just dries up and gets stuffed back down for next time. Yes, I have asked friends, it's just not the same. Yes, I understand transference and all the parameters...I do my research as I want to be informed of the process.
Is asking her to hold me crossing the therapist/client boundary?
Notice: Psych Central Answers shut down to new questions on January 11, 2013.
Looking for a place to ask your question? Sign up today for our community (you'll need a separate account than the one you use here), and ask away!
Ask and answer questions about mental health and relationship issues in a safe & supportive environment. If you ask a question, you will have to answer someone else's first, in order to give back to others here.