Avatar Posted by LearningToLoveMe 253 days ago (Question)
My family for years has just harassed me and made my life miserable. At least twice a year I get told that I am disowned from the family. I get told that I don't care about them and that they feel sorry for people who have to live with somebody like me!!! Recently my mother had her birthday and due to circumstances I cannot make a lot of long distance phone calls so I sent mt sister an e-mail and asked her to tell my mother happy birthday. My mother owes my roommate money and my roommate asked me to call my mother and ask her about it. Ok the thing with the phone is that we have 2 lines 1 is a business line (that is my roommates) the other is a local line. The local line has not caller ID not call waiting or anything and of course no long distance. My mother lives in another state. I called my mother and asked her about her check and we talked for a few minutes. There seemed to be nothing wrong when I got off the phone with her. Two hours later I got a call from my sister who was yelling at me telling me that I did not need to put my mother under any financial stress. I told her that I didn't. She told me that I could call when I wanted something but can't even call my mother on her birthday. I told her that I sent a message. She told me that I should have called. I got upset and sent her a message offline telling her that our mother never ever calls me on my birthday, yet I am getting yelled at for not calling on her birthday. I also told my sister that mom had not even called to see how I was doing after I had major surgery last year. I told her that I did not need her f-ing guilt trips. She later sent me messages telling me that I never wanted our family any way and that I did not care about them. She felt sorry for my roommate for having to deal with me. Told me that guilt trips cannot work on a person like me. Told me that she was through with me and that she will no longer be 'dealing" with me. and she told me to f--- off. Now my roommate heard my conversation with my mother and told me that I didn't put any pressure on my mother. My sister proceeded to tell me that she is blocking me from everything. She then proceeded to take me off of her messenger and block me from it. She removed and blocked me from her and her husbands myspace pages. I feel like as I've done before that I need to totally cut them off. My therapist tells me that they are toxic to me. Anytime my sister is stressed she takes it out on my then proceeds to yell at me and hang up on me. my mother and one of my brothers told my other brother some pretty bad lies about me and now that brother will not talk to me. I have been accused of stealing all of the towels in the house when I moved out. My roommate can tell you I had 2 towels when I left and those were two that I bought. My sister was going to sell me an x-box 360 for $75 then decided that she was going to give it to me for my birthday. For more than 18 months I have been asking for that and she has never sent it to me. She keeps promising to though. I just do not know what to do anymore!!! Is it ok to divorce my family forever? Does that make me a bad person to want to do that? I am so stressed and distraught with everything that they have done and continue to do that I just cannot take anymore. I talked to a friend of mine who has known me for about 21 years (since I was 14) and when I told her that they disowned me she said "AGAIN!". Everyone keeps telling me that I do not need them, but how can you not need a family?? I am not married and do not have any children. I just don't know what to do anymore anyone got any good advice?

LearningToLoveMe


Answers

Written by Fpsy 253 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hey LearningToLoveMe,

I think you are very brave to come and talk about what's happening with your family. Despite what you are going through you seem to be a mature guy who is responsible. You are not bad for realizing that your family are making your life uncomfortable and you'd rather not have that much contact with them.

We can't choose our families but we can choose our friends. It's hard coming to grips with understanding that perhaps our families are unable to give us the unconditional love ad support that we require. Families are suppose to do that right. We weirdly still love our families despite all the toxic behavior. You are not alone there as there are many others in the same boat as you.

The good thing is you realize this. It doesn't mean we have to totally disown our family, but we come to understanding that they are not going to give us what we want. Love support and understand. We can limit the amount of contact we have and stop expecting what they can't deliver. The good news is that you can build your own family. It seems like you get on good with your roommate, and you have a good friend and that's a start and that's important. Start slowly by developing good friendships with people and you seem to be doing this. Be the best friend you can be, without being dependent on them and in turn people with respect that and be equally supportive of you.

We get so many messages from our culture that family is everything. We see images of couples and loving families in advertising, movies and this can give us a false sense that if we don't have that, then there is something wrong with us.

Regardless of our relationships with our family members it's always good to be independent, to be happy being single and living life. Single life isn't second best to being in a relationship. What kind of activities do you do, outside work or study. This is often the best place to meet new people and get a great sense of well-being.

Remember to eat healthy, gets some form of exercise, take time for yourself to relax and chill out.

Written by blane2 252 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

LearningToLoveMe,

All that I can say is that you should do what's best for you. I have a lot of family drama which I'm not going to go into now because this post is about you and not me, but let's just say that I learned to put myself and my own sanity first. Sometimes you've got to let people go for a while to give yourself room to breathe. You can't have a happy and fulfilling life if you allow other people to treat you like crap when you haven't even done anything wrong.

I wish you lots of luck.

Written by Clyde 248 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Yes, it most definitely is.

Just make sure you can always find a way back, if you want.

Best,

Clyde


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