Avatar Posted by Tara23 395 days ago (Question)
My husband filed for a divorce and has moved out. He says he needs time away to "heal" himself. But lately when we speak he builds up so much anger he cuts me down very verbally and emotionally. He has told me that needs time away to clear his head and then maybe come back and work things out. But one minute he is lovey towards me and then the next he is severely angry with me. He says I am the reason for all of our problems, and that I am the one who turned him into this monster. Will he ever get over whatever anger and resentment he has for me? What can I do? Should I wait patiently for him to come to his senses? Please Help


Answers

Written by Greg77733 395 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Tara, I am going to be very honest. I think you want that, I am a male with anger issues and I am taking meds. and going to a day program. With the stress of today, and plus I don't know his issues, but I would say 90% no. He might but it wouldtake a lot of work on his part, if he is willing to do it. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but it is from my heart. I wish you the best, Greg77733

Written by rockstar11 395 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

hello Tara........... Girl you need to let it go, I have been thru the same thing and I know everyone says this but really it does take time. and from my personal experiance the anger issues are from him feeling guilty for what he has done to you, kindof to twist it around to make you feel bad and feel belittled to make himself feel better. you will feel so much better about yourself and life when you get over the intial pain and anxiety of the separation. and if he can get help (only if he WANTS help) then i hope for the best for you guys.

Written by mamagreen 394 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

The fact that he is blaming his problem on you.......is a sign that he needs professional help. Until he admits that he has a problem, then, maybe the healing can begin. I hurt for you and I pray only good things for you!

Written by drjean 394 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Tara, I'm sorry this has happened.

Marriage is a special agreement, to support each other through everything is part of it.

He needs to agree that his anger is a problem, for him and you (and probably at work etc.) If he's willing to work on his anger issues (they could be quite deep, such as from family dynamics as a child) then give it a go!

See if the two of you can go to couples therapy also. You might be poking at each other (you know, those buttons we all tend to have?) and not realizing it.

Marriage is worth the effort. Remember what you had in the beginning? It can be again, if you both wish for that.

Learn how to fight fairly. Attack the problem, not each other. A good psychologist can help with that too.

good wishes

drjean

Written by Clyde 386 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I would recommend counseling for the two of you together. He has to want to change, and his idea of you being the one who made him the monster entire may be just because he is unsure himself, and doesnt want to blame himself.

Best,

Clyde


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