- Answers Home Live Top Users Tag cloud Submit a Question bellacutie - PC Answers Editor
I have three things about me that I would like to share. The first thing is that I like to emotionally hurt people on purpose with people usually like my boyfriend or my mom. I like knowing that I can make them cry with just the power of my words. I enjoy exercising my "power". I also laugh when my mother gets frustrated. When she hears me laughing, she gets even more frustrated and I can't help but laugh even more. I don't get mad easily because I find it pointless along with a lot of other things in this world. I also find many things annoying, but I never really show my anger. I usually go to sleep if I am actually in the stage of madness where I like to exercise my "power". I also like to elaborate conversations on words that I believe aren't used for their real meaning (like 'beauty').
The other thing that bothers me daily is that reality doesn't seem real to me. Did I come to the right sight? I feel like I am stuck in my own movie theater watching the movie of my life. I can't enjoy things to their fullest. When I am with my boyfriend I feel like I am in some kind of dream. When I close my eyes and imagine, everything seems more real.
The last thing I would like to mention is that I fantasize about the death of my family by some freak accident that would leave me the only survivor. I like to be alone, but I know I'm not lonely. I usually pretend I am invisible, but then "friends" break my invisible barrier when they speak to me.
The other thing that bothers me daily is that reality doesn't seem real to me. Did I come to the right sight? I feel like I am stuck in my own movie theater watching the movie of my life. I can't enjoy things to their fullest. When I am with my boyfriend I feel like I am in some kind of dream. When I close my eyes and imagine, everything seems more real.
The last thing I would like to mention is that I fantasize about the death of my family by some freak accident that would leave me the only survivor. I like to be alone, but I know I'm not lonely. I usually pretend I am invisible, but then "friends" break my invisible barrier when they speak to me.
Psych Central Answers is a place where people can ask and answer questions about mental health issues and relationships in a safe and supportive environment.
What do I do?
Can you erase certain memories?
Am I abused?
questions of effects of Lexapro
What to do.....
Do people ever change when they're ins...
By morning I'm happy, by night a darke...
What's wrong with me!?
I need help talking to my parents.
Living with paranoia
I'm upset that my therapist is going o...
Is this depression
Men's thoughts and babies
dreams about a baby
Wife wants to control my interaction w...
advertisement
Answers
I'll address each point separately, starting with the first.
Hurting people
I was a little bit like this too when I was growing up, and I still see hints of it here and there in certain relationships, e.g., with my mom. Breaking out of that cycle is hard because it's still paying off for you, because you enjoy seeing her suffer. (I'm not judging you, I'm just breaking it down.) There's nothing inherently wrong with you, but that behavior is going to end up wearing YOU down and making you feel guilty, once you start taking responsibility for yourself. It'll also wear your body out over time, even if it feel energizing right now. It's really better for YOU to cut it out now before it becomes too much of a pattern and harder to change.
How? Well, if you know how to push people's buttons, you probably also have an intuitive understanding of how to unpress them. I'm going to guess that you're very attentive and observant. That means you have the power to HELP people is really, really meaningful ways. Maybe your mom won't make the top of that list right now, but you can certainly start with other people. Hell, that's how I started doing this. Google the word "INTP" and tell me if that sounds like you. Also try ENTP and INTJ. I'm curious.
Movie-like reality
It sounds like depersonalization. You can read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder . Was there a traumatic event in your childhood? Do you blame your mother for it? The invisibility that you mention in the last section sounds a little like this, too.
Death-fantasies
If you've got impulse control and are not psychotic (it sounds like you're okay in both areas) that I wouldn't worry about this. People's minds like to play with taboo ideas and images: if it's not acceptable, your mind will tease you with it. It's not a big deal, just don't kill them. :)
Given all that you talked about, it sounds like you might be under some stress right now, or that you went under a lot of stress a while ago, and that you keep revisiting it in some form, which is causing you to put up walls and barrier between you, your friends, and your mom, and even go to "war" with your mom. It could be something you're aware of, or something you're not aware of. I could also be totally wrong. Answers.PsychCentral is a good place for short-term solutions and ideas, but not really the place to do deep psychotherapy. For that reason, it might be a good idea to look into this with the help of someone competent and trustworthy, like a therapist or school counselor or something. If you've been in conflict with your mom, she might welcome the idea.
you sound like you are manic depressive, you like hurting other people just because you can, you are in need of desperate help,go see a psychiatrist, and get some medical help for your fantasies,on the death related parts, if you have to be admitted then go for it, because taking it out on your mom is wrong,then you laugh about it, my daughter is the same way, but she will not go for help, they told her she has a mental problem, she takes her anger out like you do. please get help before this gets out of control
Hi,
is there some reason why you like to hurt your Mom and your boyfriend. Did something traumatic happen to you where you have built up anger. I think that you need to talk to a counselor to find out why you're engaging in abusive behavior without feelings of regret or empathy. Like Edahn said you're headed for a rough life if you don't change your path. Good luck.
Hi -
I am a mom on the other end trying to help my daughter. Mine doesn't directly try to hurt me, but indirectly thinks I am the cause of all her problems, tells people that I am a horrible person in order to get sympathy and craves attention. She has horrible impulses and can not remember (not literally) what the consequences are of her decisions from yesterday, and cannot think of how today impacts tomorrow.
She is literally impulsive, not able to save a penny, spends money that isn't hers, doesn't know how to start or do anything on her own, and wants everyone to help her with everything. I cannot do it anymore as the mom - cannot baby her, cannot give chance after chance after chance that she continually screws up on her own. So if you do not want to ruin a forever relationship, make amends for your decisions and admit you wronged it. Moms cannot continually be superwomen without eventually feeling torn down so much they become numb.
That is where I am and I am really disgusted.
You can't continue to baby her. You have to step up and start being her mom. You have to set ground rules, and when she disobeys them, STICK WITH YOUR PUNISHMENT. She shouldn't be getting money when she's behaving like this, or even allowed to go anywhere. It is very typical for teenagers to feel like their parents are the cause of all their problems. I have a great family and I used to feel that way when I was 12-16 or so, but once I moved out, I realized the importance of them and everything they do for me. To be honest, I'm a pretty good kid and I never really got into trouble, so I can't speak for others, but I think once you start being tough and being in control, then she will straighten up. Also, try to share some common time doing something you both like and enjoy. Instead of giving her money to go shopping, go shopping with her...
i do the same and i no wot u mean bout the power it gives u feels good dont it! but i am consumed by hate and anger i have been all my life i dont no n e different i have non relationship with my mum well ive spoken to her once may b twice in a year and my dad i dont speak too wot so ever,i was diagnosed with physchosis bout 2 years ago and i am meant to be takin respiradol but i havent taken it in over a year some days are bad like really bad i smoke weed and i drink i am completely alone in a different town from my friends and when i do see my friends we have a laugh for a bit then i will switch on them i am paranoid for people takin the piss or if i dont get my own way or summit pisses me off like goin to the laundrette and they didnt ave n e washing powder and i had just bout enough money for the wash and ,now u think shes on it as she sells boxes of powder in the shop and thats third time i been runnin she done that i had 2 walk out shop through gritted teeth instant anger and aggeression and over wot? thats just an example i attack n e 1 around me and i move friend 2 friend untill i get bored then sack them off my mums says its like u think every 1s on ur back she also says i pick people up and i put them down sometimes i cant breathe if i think i can feel pain some were in my body i can feel it, 1 of the most negative people u would ever meet so if u dont want 2 be like me change ur ways,and that thing ur doin with ur boyfriend well ur a bird aint ya thats wot u gals do and every 1 takes it out on their mum at some point in their lives if n e 1 has n e ideas bout wot ive got if u could let me no thanx
I too fantasize about my family dying. Mostly my parents in some weird car accident. I then adopt my little brother and we move to an apartment and start new lives. I go through every possible decision that Id have to make: money, school, and work. It gets to the point where I like that like better and want it to happen.. I know how you feel..
As usual I agree a lot with Edahn.
Also as usual I highly recommend you take a look at the enneagram (http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/) to understand your basic personality drives. Your openly expressed anger sounds very 8ish but your fantasies and hitrioncs seem 4ish. Check it out. At the least it's very interesting.
Like Edahn, I can say that you seem to be OK for now. You are at a crossroads though. You posted here for a reason. Part of you is well aware that these habits and pleasures are worthy of concern. Listen to that voice. Listen to your afflicted English? brother in pain, Clint25. Basically, it comes down to this. You have power and you must decide what to do with it.
I'll go pointwise kindof like you did:
1. Attacking people emotionally and enjoying it is normal but it is indeed cruel. It's bullying. Very street. It can be satisfying but damn its a trap. Inside, the innocent that is you, WILL eventually condemn you for it. Listen to the small voice that made you post here. Turn it on yourself. Be vigilant! And we all know you can. When you feel the anger rise grab it. Control it. Realize the person you were about to make fun of is also the wounded child within yourself. Choose not to attack your target and thus help heal yourself.
2. You don't get mad easily? You find much pointless. These two statements are contradictory. If you find something pointless, it's partly because you are mad there is no point. The anger is avoided, repressed, but its there.
3. If your mad at improper uses of words this too is anger. You rant about it. Good that is healthy. And you are right. So many people are trying to mislead and confuse. They are attacking you in a way. But try to realize that even as you do not understand your anger fully nor certainly know the best ways to deal with it, that they cannot yet cope with their need to decieve and betray. Who will stop the cycle? Who will transcend thier issue and learn to be a better human. Choose for that to be you. Just a suggestion.
4. Reality doesnt seem real. Same for me in many ways. Still you have a lot of ability to spot truth. Things others miss. The true meanings of what is being said vs the actual words. The simple emotional flaws people have are obvious to you. If there is truth there must be a reality. The reason you dont feel "in reality" is because you feel alone in your knowledge of the truth. It isolates you. You feel trapped with your razor obsevations. This is a quote from me, "People say the one-eyed man is king in the land of the blind. I tell you no. He is not king. He is deemed insane because he keeps talking about these visions". Do not ostricize yourself just because no one else sees the reality you know exists. Accept your world and try to help them see it.
5. The deathwishes. Yeah ok. You feel like eliminating the idiots who dont see the world that you do would somehow help. But there are tons and tons of idiots. Will you wish them all away or slay them all? Turn that fantastic mind of yours to some real tough problems like finding a way to teach people to become more mature, more grounded in reality despite their flaws, and more able to control the very part of themselves that threatens to destroy them. You can do it!
Regardless, good luck!
The human mind is one of the most amazing weapons that we legally carry with us. Unfortunately there are few who know how to wield its power and even fewer who wield it right. I know what you mean by your "power". To be able to control another merely with the sound of a voice. To be able to cause them ease or to cause them pain in which ever way you please. Many humans do not know the power that they conceal inside their minds and when their minds are tapped by another they fall victim to anothers words driving them mad. What you are experiencing is that you do not control your power. It is controlling you. You say you enjoy making others hurt. You are currently in a state where you realize your talent but are unable to use it right. You feel as if you have control over their lives and it causes the mind to think in a more dark sense. What you need to do is to calm yourself down and think for a while. Don't think about how you can hurt others. Instead think about how you can read them. I also have the talent of understanding the human mind and being able to control others thoughts with it. Some people I do not like but do not want to be mean to them and tell them to go away so i use words to cause them to either fear or to lose interest in me. But to someone I like I am able to draw them in and being able to make friends with them. I also know what you mean by you feel alone. I don't like it much to be around a bunch of people so I sit home alone and work. What I'm trying to say is don't use your talent to hurt everyone you see but to understand them and their story. We are what I like to call "mentalists" people who are able to control their mind and others at our own will.
hmm.I am the same way. I haven't found the cure to this, but I can definately warn you that it could be dangerous for other people someday... Ive been known to black out in violent rges when I used to ignore my anger and sleep it off. it doesnt deal with it, it just increases its severity the next time you get angry.
I recommend some Jesus, some God some Christ some church, some love. The reason you feel like everything is a dream is because it is. We're all just passing through. your body is just a shell, a transport for your soul. Your soul is whats real, your thoughts, your consciousness, that's what's real. No offense but your thoughts aren't right. Your throwing out a lot of negative vibes is what it seems like to me, and you like it. Here's a suggestion take that negative energy and use it for positive things. instead of making your peoples feel bad make em feel good think good fantasies about your fam bam. shoot think about you all livin the good life whatever that means to you. It's so easy to do the wrong thing and feel good about it. but it's an even bigger challenge to do the opposite i challenge you do nice things for your people help your mom around the house do anything to relieve her of her frustration and stress. doing positive things will ultimately have a positive affect on you sooner or later God Bless
*takes a deep breath*
Sometimes it is hard to speak the truth and that truth is your behaviors are not normal and are very harmful - if not for you, for others. Other people may be experiencing the same as you are right now which may make it seem "normal" but its not right.
What you are doing is the direct opposite of empathy. Be it through lack of an environment to teach you empathy, a sociopathic disorder like antisocial personality disorder, or anger, being cruel and enjoying it is not normal. People shun individuals who are physically cruel to children, animals, etc; however, mental abuse/cruelty seems to be overlooked - even here.
I would highly suggest finding a counselor who specializes in personality disorders and try to pinpoint why you are behaving as you are. While it is not my place to say "find God" as everyone has different religious beliefs, I think tobiahbreeze is onto something - you need faith in something, a belief in something higher than yourself, to help you learn to empathize with other people and learn to be a loving and compassionate person instead of someone who is cruel and abusive.
I have two step-daughters just like you. They are both mentally ill and on drugs. It's kind of like which came first, the chicken or the egg. Don't know what to tell you, if you're not smart enough to seek help, you probably don't want it. That's what I found with them. When and until you want help and seek help, you will be what you are. Either live with it or get help; and don't waste our time. You know what you're doing is not right or proper. You know you hurt people who love you. Obviously, that's what you enjoy. So go for it! Some day all the hurt you've put out with your "power" will backfire and return to you. So be prepared.
I relate to the last one. Fantasizing of family death and I'd be the only one to survive. And out of all the sisters, I cry hardest when you're dead.
hi,
umm i cant say i understand what you're going through but maybe i can still help. Maybe someone hurt you emotionally and now you feel you have to do the same. But i do understand wanting to be alone but you also need to realize that if you actually let your friends into what your feeling that maybe that feeling of needing to be alone will go away. and maybe you just need to get away from the family for a little bit here and there and relax just you and no one else. sorry about everything that's going on hope it all works out
After reading your entry, I believe you're in pain and want others to feel it too. You have to realize that won't make it go away. Even if you were truly all alone, it wouldn't go away. You have to come to terms with why you feel that way, and work through it, maybe even with those people, as hard as it is. You should try to go to a counselor to help you through it, because reality is hard, and it isn't fair, but it needs to be accepted. You can't live in a dream, and the daydreams you have, wouldn't make your life better, but worse. You're not abnormal, you're just trying to cope. Its a natural survival technique. Its worth it to seek help and figure this all out, even if right now you don't believe so. Good luck. You can be happy, if you let yourself.
After i read your story i feel that in a way i can relate to you because, when my mother tells me that i am usless i go and verbaly abuse my little bro, sis, and i get a thrill off of it.i have hade some dreams about doinng thing to my mom an brothers and little sis so your not alone i just think that every one should be able to say they are loved.
If you honestly feel this way everyday and you like hurting people and you fantasize about how your family will die then I think you need help. Whether it's from a counselor or a hospital of some kind. I know it might be hard to go get help but I would recommend you do this right away before you hurt someone or yourself. I do think you are in some kind of pain..whether you are depressed or just in pain for some sort of past tragedy but I think you need to get help. Best of luck!
~Lorrie~
hi asylum um i don't know why but hurting your mom and your boy friend does not solve problems. especially laughing when your mother is crying. Don't try doing that. Thats gonna give you trouble. seriouly i laugh when one of my class mates but i just try to stop buy slapping my self. And if that didn't work i would just try to either tickle them or try cheering them up.
best,
Brandin