Avatar Posted by newyorkk 27 days ago (Question)
The reason i've come on here is not because i believe with all my heart that i have this disorder, but because people here might know about it, and i'd like some of your opinions. I've been reading about BPD lately, and some of the symptoms sound similar to what i'm experiencing. I really, really don't know what's wrong with me. I'm 16 years old and i grew up with a pretty good family life. I'm a very cynical person, almost paranoid, because i've been in a lot of relationships throughout my life in which people have taken advantage of me. Because of these experiences, i'm very distrustful and can be very manipulative towards people i don't care about or who i believe has wronged me. I've never had many people in my life that i've really cared about, but those who i do care about, i think about all the time, and i'm extremely afraid that they will leave me. The mere thought of certain people just drifting away from me makes me sick to my stomach. I'm very understanding and caring towards the people i care about. I do all i can to make them happy, putting them before myself. Still keeping my basic principles and morals, i almost take on their character so that i can relate to them better. but when they can't give me what little i ask of them, i get very angry, very fast. I'm usually good at hiding my emotions and controlling them, but when i feel crossed, i shut down and become very bitter, especially lately. My mother has always taught me how important it is for people to reciprocate when you do something nice for them, and i've learned to get angry when people don't do the things exactly the way i would do them. I know this isn't a good way to think, but i feel incredibly betrayed when little things like this happen.

I get angry at myself, because i know how stupid a lot of things that set me off are. I have a good life, and shouldn't be sweating the small stuff. My therapist tells me i can either get over it and help myself get through it, or be miserable, and logically, i couldn't agree with her more, yet i can't stop myself from getting in those bad moods, from crying, and from getting sick from all the stress. It's gotten so bad that every morning i wake up with terrible stomach cramps now from all the stress. Even if i had a good day, once my mind wanders while i'm sleeping, i wake up feeling sick to my stomach. I can't for the life of me figure out if this is all just hormones or if it's something more, something that will get worse.

I've felt so powerless and so out of control for the past few months that i started cutting my arms. I hated doing it, because i knew it was dumb, but i felt like there was no other option. I told my therapist, who told my mom, and my mom said as long as i stopped doing it she wouldn't tell anyone else, which i have, but i still get the urge to do it when i get upset, and i really don't want this to continue and get worse.

I have a friend who's mother has BPD, and she's absolutely manic and overboard, so i feel bad even thinking about whether or not i have this. I know how severe this is for some people, and i feel so guilty because i know everything i'm experiencing seems so menial in comparison. To be honest, i've even told my therapist that i'm constantly searching for something to be wrong with me, but it's only because i want to explain what i'm experiencing. My father is on medication for depression, as is my closest friend, and i've seen how medication can really be tough, and i do not want it unless it's absolutely neccessary. I've always been afraid of medication, sickness, i don't want to be crazy, but i just want to know what's wrong with me, and i know if something doesn't click and i don't change now, this is never going to stop, and things will only get worse. I feel bad mentioning these kind's of things to my therapist, because i feel because i've already done it once or twice before, it'll make me seem like i'm looking for a problem, but does anyone here think it's worth mentioning?


Answers

Written by Fpsy 27 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi newyork,

firs of all your not crazy. People can't help having mental health issues, they don't choose to be that way, it's not a sign of weakness. To be honest, everyone has something that they struggle with. Some people more than others.

About your diagnosis. Its impossible to diagnose over the internet, even if we were therapists. You do describe some symptoms that are similar to BPD but it has to be formally diagnosed by a qualified clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. Have you been given a thorough assessment by a mental health professional?. Your therapist may or may not be trained to specialise in borderline personality disorder.

Have you been very honest with your therapist about your thoughts and feelings, have you told them all the things that you have told us. If not then it's a good idea for you to do that, so that your therapist can really understand you. I would tell your therapist about your concerns about having BPD. Remember therapy can take a long time, and if you do have BPD it will take a lot of work on your behalf, but you can make changes and lead a more happier life. But the work has to come from you, with guidance and skills learning from your therapist.

Here is a website set up by someone with BPD to help others. It has some good info and self help tips. It centers around Dialectical Behavior Therapy which is very good for people diagnosed with BPD. Check out the webiste and see what you think.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/index.html

Written by Clyde 25 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Lets not call it crazy, first of all. Believe me, if you are actually mentally ill (which I dunno about), you dont wanna be called crazy.

I dont think BPD, but you really need to have a professional check it out and let you know what they think about it.

You could just be depressive (unilateral). Please check with a professional and see what they think.

Best,

Clyde


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