I have been married to my husband for 10 years, with 2 years in a relationship...sorta. I say sort of, because after my husband introduced me to his family, they hated me...and we broke up,but secretly, we still had a relationship. He would tell me that until I could change, no-one was to know that we were seeing each other.
His family told him I was ugly, fat, alcoholic, codependent and had psychological disorders. When I came to visit his family that first time, his sister constantly would hand me a wine cooler...so now, I am an alcoholic according to them, and my husband tells everyone this. I also had an eating disorder at the age of 12, and tried to give it up at 18 when pregnant with my first child. I shared this info with him, and that weight will always be a struggle with me. So, he told his family. He sat me down and told them that I was purging STILL...but really I wasn't. Now, 11 1/2 years later he still tells people this.
Anything I have ever had a problem with he uses against me, constantly to me face with his family, his friends and my friends Such as...I was raped as a child and he uses that against me...he says I enjoyed it, and says I am messed up in the head as a result. His family is no different. His mom and two sisters we diagnosed with bipolar. Both parents were alcoholics. His father used to bring home prostitutes in the home, he died from liver failure. His Mom no longer drinks. The kids also hopped around to different homes in the family and suffered sexual abuse from one of their mothers boyfriends.
There is a LONG history, but I will go to what he does CURRENTLY...He tells people I am an alcoholic, do drugs, bi-polor, sex addiction (sleep with several men and have wild sex parties),physical and verbally abusive to him, bisexual, financially irresponsible(claims I run up credit and go on shopping spree's),told people that our son is not his, that I slept around and that he loves him enough to raise him, oh and I have multiple eating disorders.
I remember his stories while he was dating me, about his ex-wife. I used to think she was a horrible mom and person...some of the stories about her are the same about me. I felt so bad for him and my step-daughter....I believed his lies about her and so did others.
2 yrs ago, we ALMOST divorced. He paid an attorney ALOT of money, and I couldn't get an attorney to go up against his attorney. Finally, I found one, and she told me I was going to lose the kids...because of his case. My husband had stacks of "FAKE" proof. Recently, I found papers of e-mails that he sent to all my friends, his family and people I never even met. He had pages of "stories" about me...in DETAIL about events that never even happened or twisted truths. I was shocked. The stories were so detailed that if it was not about ME, I would have believed every word of it!Obviously we did not divorce. Why? Because I did not want to lose my children, but I try to make every effort to make him happy( emotionally, physically, sexually...)... yet, he still tells these stories and acts like a Martyr for being with me.
He has a terrible temper, and comes home DAILY yelling, cussing and calling my daughters and I names such as: whore,slut, fuckers,lyers,stupid etc...
In public, he is the nicest guy ever. People often tell me how lucky I am to have him as my husband. He volunteers for EVERYTHING,get's public recognition and is just adored by so many. Why does he act like this around us? I'm afraid to say hello to my own neighbors, fearing they heard him yelling. I'm afraid to talk to any of my sons football team,seeing that he has told several of those people lies about me. Anyone he knows and I come in contact with, I constantly wonder what they are thinking about me. He has asked them to watch me in-case any unusual behavior surfaces.
He also has all our passwords on the computers, passwords on the phones, storage units(secret),his blackberry is password protected, I have no access to money-no credit, checkbooks, or even knowledge about how much money we have. I have to state my case as to why I need $5.00, and then show the receipt.
He tells people he doesn't drink because of his alcoholic parents, but it's a lie as well. He does drink, but he tries not to get too drunk. He becomes physically abusive when drunk.
He also has a history of affairs, but as of recent...I am pretty sure there is a new girl. Last week I found a safe in the house, I found his key and found stupid crap, but the things that really stuck out were two things. About 10 porn DVD's, which I already knew he had a problem with)and wire transfers to a girl in England and a passport that he bought her and I found her paperwork for it. She is apparently staying in our home on the paperwork. The first wire transfer went out a week after my husband and I got back from a trip to Singapore (Aug 09). I was also pregnant. Her visit was to happen a few weeks before the babie's birth. He disappeared for 2 days the week our son was born(Nov 09), he leaves constantly for no reason, says he is going to the bank at 9 at night and doesn't return for 3-4 hrs and sometimes not till morning. He tells me he doesn't have to tell me where he is going or what he is doing, that I am schizo and have mental problems and need to deal with them...this is usually his answer whenever he "disappears".
A few days ago, I also found recordings of me. I remember some of the times he recorded me. He was acting strange...nice actually, and it seemed like he was trying to get me upset, but oddly, for him he wasn't upset. Now, I know why... he was recording me. Sometimes he knows things about me and the kids that he shouldn't. My 17 year old is pretty sure he has the computer Key logged. She is constantly changing her e-mail and Facebook passwords, and yet, he seems to know stuff that was only in private e-mails. She also feels that we are being video recorded, by some of the statements he made to her. My children and I constantly feel we are being watched, and yet he just tried to make it out that we ALL have psychological problems.
I feel trapped, and I am always second guessing myself. He is constantly putting me down, that now I am starting to believe it. I don't want to believe his lies. I even went to a therapist for two years, and had 3 doctors give me a mental evaluation because of the things that he said about me. There are only findings were that I suffer from PTS.
The list of things he has done, is so long...I can't put it into one short summery. So, what is WRONG with him??? Why is he so perfect in the public eye, and to us...he is a monster? Could he possibly hate us this much or is there an actual medical condition for this? What can we do to help him,and get some peace in our home. We are so tired of walking on eggshells.
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