Avatar Posted by lola221 204 days ago (Question)
I'm a 17 year old girl, I'm not a typical teen as I'm just a very closed person due to things that has happened to me as a child. At the age of 6 I've been getting sexually abused by a relative of mine, its been going on from age 6 to age 14. My sisters and I have suffered abuse from this man and we decided to keep it to ourselfs as we didn't want to cause any grief and hurt to anybody in our family. The strange thing is, while I was going through this I wasn't really angry, hurt and upset. I would always just be annoyed at his presence and always thought he was just a filthy man. It wasn't until this whole situation was brought out in to the light and he was arrested for the sexual abuse when I was 14 that I started feeling depressed, sad, angry, hurt and confused. For some reason I only started to feel the pain and hurt after I've gone through everything. And its strange because my sisters are perfectly normal, happy living their lifes having friends/boyfriends. And I'm jjust stuck in my room hating myself and feeling depressed and unconfident. I'm really really confused, every time I cry I end up hating myself even more because I know I shouldn't let it get to me this way but I can't stop it. I've felt this way since I was 14, I just wanna move on and be happy! I can't have a good nights sleep, ever. And I eat more often and lose then gain, lose then gain weight all the time. I just don't know what to do. Please anybody help?


Answers


Chemar
204 days ago
Hi

so sorry you have had to endure this for so long! Please just remember you have done nothing wrong...it was the abuser who was wrong!!

Does this person still live in your home?

I know you wanted to protect the family but honestly, I think you should tell someone about it as the sad thing is that this person will likely just go on abusing children because no one has intervened!

If you click COMMUNITY top right of this page, you will be able to register for our forums, and there you will find a group for victims of childhood abuse. It will be good for you to be able to talk about all this with others who understand.

If at all possible, you really should also be seeing a psychologist who is trained in therapy for abuse victims. Different people deal with trauma in different ways and you are clearly a sensitive person so don't put yourself down because you are experiencing all this now when it looks like your siblings are doing fine. They may have their own agonies over it all, but just be finding different coping mechanisms.

I do hope you will tell a responsible adult family member about it all so that no-one ever has to suffer this again!

God bless you.
- 0 +



bella
204 days ago
I completely agree with Chemars great advice. People handle past abuse differently and TBH your reaction is normal. Its kind to spare your family grief, but you shouldn't have to carry all this burden. You and your sisters need to tell a responsible adult and this relative would then stay in jail longer. It would also prevent him from having more future victims.

I also agree you need to process this in therapy so this won`t bleed into other areas of your life. What he did is a crime and its damage reaches the soul of his victims. He needs to be stopped and you deserve some healing. If you let this out, it will be the beginning of healing. Your sisters may be acting like its fine but they might be in denial and it might come out later in time. Please tell a family member who'll stick up for you and you telling will prevent future victims.
- 0 +



greenbomber76
203 days ago
hey,im very sorry for the crap you had to go through life can be a drag,i can understand being depressed an jus being angry,when i was 10 i wanted to kill my self cause i felt like i wouldnt make it,i hated everyone alomost stabed a class mate with a pen. but i had a change of heart by jus finding stuff to do like write poems or jus rant on paper i still do this to this day,matter of fact in my english class i worte a poem on how i wanted to jus bloodly murder my girl freinds past lover, i felt alot better after doing so.

but try findin somthing to get you mind like kick bck music or learnin somthin that a girl wouldnt normaly do like longboarding, i would get pissed an jus start pumpin as hard an fast as i could an jus imagen the person/problem jus getting splaterd under my shoe an getting turned into nothing, these feelings can stick around for a while but taken little steps an taken a step forward to try 2 change is always good even if u take a step forward an 2 bck u still made an effort to change,the biggest prblm tht u will face in doing this jus starting it off once u find somthin tht helps an make u feel good dnt let it go. hope this will help a bit best of luck an i hope the nasty mother****** gets locked away for a long time
- 0 +



ItsJustMe
202 days ago
I'm sorry that you had to endure this experience. My friend just recently told me something similar and cried on my shoulders. Im not the best with advice but I was supportive and sometimes thats all you need. Trust me ! just like you bravely typed your story , you should tell some one you trust very much. The grief and pain is weighing you down. Once you talk to someone, the weight will slowly decrease. If you think that's absolutely out of the question, which I hope you don't. Then like green bomberz said , find something you really like to do. or pick up a really aggressive sport that you can channel all your anger into.

I really hope things work out for you :) because no one should go through this .
- 0 +



kidatheart
202 days ago
i have a similar situation . but i cant let it out. just my family n 2or 3 frds i get along with rest of the tym im in my room hating myself..
- 0 +