I've been suffering from depression for 4 weeks now and now at the moment, I want to kill myself. I've been down this road so many times. I've been through therapy:in psychology and psychiatry for more then 5 times in one year and I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if my meds are not working anymore nor the therapy. But right now at this moment speaking I just want to end my life so bad. I know it may not solve anything by wanting to do this but I'm rally close to making a final decision.

Like I said before, I've been in therapy and on meds for over a year, I wrote down how I felt everyday, I've spoken about it to my therapist and psychiatrist. I feel no emotions wether its the happiest moment im living with friends or family. I just dont feel sad or happy. I want to be happy, I want to be able to feel emotions again. But I already had the help that I needed. Now, I see no more options or solutions to this problem, but I'm just so close to ending this life of mine at 16. I'm sick of everything. I did and tried everything and now I'm done trying. I just wanted to ask a question if there is one last thing I could possibly do to stop myself from wanting to end my life ASAP.
Thank You


Answers


bella
1741 days ago
Hi BeatGAD17,

I hear you're very sad and frustrated but you should never give up. It might be that you need a different medication or new therapy that you haven't tried yet. You're also very young and I guarantee you, that your thinking will change drastically as you mature. I lost my brother to suicide and I can tell you it's very devastating to lose a family member in this way. This is one of the main reasons I answer questions here - hoping to spare someone from doing the same thing. If you feel you're in danger please call someone and go to your nearest emergency room. You call also call a crisis line like 1-800-SUICIDE. The most important thing to remember, is to be patient and wait. The best advice I give anyone - is never make important decisions when you're upset. If you would like to talk about any problem please feel free. You deserve to live a full life and there's a reason you're on this earth. Here is a very good link and I hope you'll be safe:

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide



beatGAD17
1741 days ago
I'm sorry for your lost, sympathy to all the family:). I forgot to mention that I lost my uncle because of suicide on december 13th 2005, he was Bipolar. I never got to say that I loved him one last time, or even hug him. This still hurts me a lot inside and I'm starting to think that the reason why I want to die is to just be with him in heaven. I wouldve loved to be there to stop him from doing it, but sadly no one was there, he was kind of ''found dead'' by my cousin. Still in the year of 2005, I lost my grandfather to cancer a couple of weeks before my birthday and my uncle before christmas. Maybe sometimes I just dont realize what hurt can do to a family by losing people we care about the most. Just remembering how my family was at both funerals was too hard for me to deal with and I just can't imagine what it would be like if it was my funeral. I'm not saying that I'm completly over me killing myself, but my little voice is telling me to just take the time to take it easy and think. I just wanted to say thank you for your help bellacutie:)



bella
1740 days ago
Thank you BeatGAD17 for your sympathy and I'm sorry you've lost family members too, especially your Uncle to suicide. I'm glad you know suicide has a devastating affect on family and friends. When I ws young like you, I would have wanted to die if my mother died too. I remember when I was 24 and she had a massive stroke - I remember praying God would take me instead. Luckily she survived and years later passed when I was 35 and now I know this wasn't a healthy way to think. Even when my brother committed suicide I was shocked and devastated, but I had to go on. I guarantee you, that you will mature in your thinking, you just need to believe there's a reason for you to live - you may not even know the reason why - you need to trust in God. We all have bad experiences in our lives and sometimes we do feel very sad - but we have to accept that and be patient. You need to discover your strength and good stubborness, the kind that says "I'm a survivor and I'll keep going util my last breath". I'm so happy you're feeling a little better.

I would like to say though BeatGAD, it's important you and your family mention to your doctor about your family history - with your Uncle being bipolar. Sometimes it runs in the family but don't let this worry you because my other brother had manic depression and I don't have it. Also make sure you're really taking care of yourself with healthy eating and most importantly EXERCISE. Exercise can really boost your mood- a strong body helps make the mind strong. I was surprised to learn on the news the other day, that 75% of North Americans are considered obese- scary thought! I want you to remember if next time, you're feeling very low, how you ended up feeling less on the edge, like you are now. No matter how low a person feels, there's always hope for relief, so remember to wait and be patient. I also highly recommend looking for reasons to laugh - rent some funny movies and watch some funny shows - go out and have some innocent fun. Thanks for writing back BeatGAD - it's difficult being on my end when a poster talks about suicide, so thanks for easing my worries. Hugs, Bella.:)



beatGAD17
1740 days ago
I'm so thankfull for all of your help. Its all well apreciated. I also think that it was just really hard for me to accept all of what happened in my life like losing family members, getting diagnosed with severe generalized anxiety at 14 and diagnosed with depression at 15. I'd just like to feel able to accept everything but I have a hard time to. What also hurts the most in all of this is that I know I am loved by my family and friends but I just don't feel the love like I should and I doubt that I am loved all of the time. I'd like to thank you for your advice on trying to make he laugh by watching movies once in a while, only when I have the time to. :):)



darkone
1740 days ago
Dear beatGAD17,

It is just barely 4 years now since I fell into my deep depession. I understand the wish to just call it quits. I tried to will myself to stop breathing, but still am. I begged God to send my granfather to come get me and take me to heaven, but that didn't happen either. The emotional pain was so deep that it permeated every cell of my body, every thought in my brain and every emotion that surfaced its ugly head. Oh, there were fleeting thoughts of ending it all that raced through my bain, but the idea of the tineist bit of additional pain caused my body to feel shattered. There was no more room for the smallest drop of pain. As I continued to pray for death an unwanted revelation presented itself. Death is to be in God's time, not mine. Oh No!!!!Mbody went numb, my mind blank, and my sight was gone for a split second as my surrounds did not exist while the mind tried to process this... this.... the end to praying for death? Now what? There could not possibly be anything else?

Over the course of the nextfew months there was the sense that my brain was damaged (no physical injury occured) and time was needed to let it heal and I had to just allow myself to allow this to heal without wallowing in it. THAT is a very delicate balance. There were good friends that just accepted mefor tis different way I was and slowly there were coping skills learned. The biggest, yet smallest, thing that kept me going is that each day an effort was made to get out of the house only handeling whatever my mood was able to cope with, even a brief trip to a store. At the end of the day, if there was only 1 person that crosssed my path that needesomething from me,..directions, getting something off a top shelf in the grocery store, saying something that made someone sile or laugh,.... then it was ok for my having been alive that day. Just for today it is ok, there really is reason, no matter how small or insignificant to me, it was ok for me to be alive tat day. Now I do small things to for myself to encourage the sense of enjoying the dy, like light a fregrant candle, wear a pieceof jewelry, take the dog for a walk, whatever the emotions can handle. Allow yourself time to heal without wallowing in it. You are NOT alone.



bella
1740 days ago
It's been my pleasure to help you BeatGAD17. It makes my day better, when I know that you or someone else is feeling better. I completely understand how events like you described seem over whelming and you're right - acceptance is a process and it's takes time. I'm so happy that you know you're loved by your family and friends - I enjoy talking to you too LOL. The thing with depression though, is sometimes the depression blocks you ability to feel emotions other than sadness. I think the important thing for you to do, is find good support from a doctor and therapist or counselor. You need someone trust worthy to talk to about your feelings. I also recommend joining the forum section at psychcentral - you can talk about all kinds of things there. But I still recommend you be followed closely by a doctor, since you have a history of depression/anxiety. You take good care of yourself and remember there's always someone who cares. Bella :D



beatGAD17
1740 days ago
Hey Bella:) I wanted to tell you that I am close to my doctor and therapist, they've been there for the really bad and the good times. Nothing is to worry in this situation because my relationship is fairly good with them. Just thought I'd let you know :D:D Take care now:)