Hi, I am not sure if this question has been posted already - if so please kindly direct me to that thread. I have a serious problem in that i get irritable, angry and short tempered easily with people close to me e.g children and boyfriend
i snap for no reason during a conversation and end up feeling guilty that i am treating them so badly for no apparent reason. I pick arguments and have to be right. I cant understand why i behave this way. I can see myself doing it but do not know how to control my behaviour. I feel i need to understand why i act so irrationally.
I get on with people outside my immediate family no problem. And never display anger or any of this behaviour with strangers. I feel like i am a jekyll and hyde chararcter
I have had a pretty stressful life, and am currently on medication for depresson and anxiety. I have suffered from depression for probably 15 years starting my last year high school. I feel i have this uncontrollable anger but no sure why.
Please can you help me in how to change this behaviour because i dont want to end up a bitter, angry, lonely old woman


Answers


bella
1371 days ago
Hi gogetmeza,

is there anything in your upbringing that would be contributing to your anger issues presently? Are you getting therapy, because it would help to vent to a therapist. You also need to identify, the keys things that trigger the anger and come up with solutions as a family.

Often people treat acqaintances better than their own loved ones - I don't know if it's because they get lazy or we take them for granted and know they'll hang around despite the foul moods. People on the outside also won't tolerate bad behavior. I'm thinking if you control yourself with outsiders, why can't you do the same with your family?

The solution is - to identify where it comes from, what are the triggers, find sensible solutions for those triggers and do some self help methods to control the anger. Ideally you should get into some anger management counseling. You can also take up meditation and slow deep breathing. Since you can control yourself outside, start treating your family the same way. Look up some fighting fairly websites and everyone in the family can use those tips. Start doing some regular exercise if you get the okay from your doctor - this helps a great deal with stress.

Here's a few sayings that help:

1. Would you rather be right or happy.

2. Will it matter 10 yrs from now, therefore is this really worth the trouble?

3. Learn to pick your fights wisely.

Write down the key issues, stressing you out and have a family meeting to come up with viable solutions. The simple 'think before you talk and act' works very well. Maybe the family isn't organized well and this causes chaos. Twice a day(morning and night) set aside 15 min of quiet time for you, where you do deep breathing. If these self help methods don't help, then speak with your doctor. Best of luck.



fastoldbiker
1370 days ago
Hi Gogetmeza – unfortunately many people react to their family this way because they know that they can get away with it, mostly. You have more respect for a stranger than you do your own family and yes, you will lose contact with them if you are bad tempered and cantankerous.

I think you can train yourself to modify your behaviour. EVERY time you are bad tempered to a family member for no apparent reason, make yourself apologise, ESPECIALLY if it is a child. You will soon get sick of apologising all the time.

If you are a big enough person to do this, your family members will think better of you. Eventually you will teach yourself to modify your behaviour. If you are crabby with a child, I would suggest you do more than JUST apologise. You should take them for a short trip to get a burger or the likes. This is not just to make up for being bad-tempered, it is also to teach yourself a lesson.

If you are sincere that you really do care about how you react to your family, then take action to do something about it and not just a half-baked attempt at it.

Another thing, deliberately ask the opinion of someone when conversing about a subject. Train yourself to listen, even if you do not agree with the answer, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Train yourself to listen and respect that person’s opinion. You MUST ALSO do this with children.

Because you have been able to get away with behaviour like this, you may be using it as a vent for your stressful lifestyle. If that is the case then you must find another release for your stress and strenuous exercise is a good way to help this. I think you may find something like swimming useful, you could also take one of your younger family members with you after you have been crabby with them; after you have apologised for it :)

I would also suggest that you discuss with your BF that you are aware of how you have been behaving. Then you can apologise. You can ask for his support and help to make you aware of when you are acting like this. Tell him he can slap your ass if you are bad-tempered with him for no reason, as long of course you can do the same to him if the situation occurs. I think you will soon modify your behaviour if you have triggers to train your sub-conscious.

Be kind, be happy. Best wishes :)



bella
1370 days ago
Another thing that's a real eye opener when you're mad is, freeze the look on your face and look in the mirror lol. When we look at ourselves normally, we put the best look on our faces so we'll be pleased with the reflection. One look at yourself when you're infuriated, will surprise you. I know because I've taken a look at myself accidently when I was upset...yikes. Better yet if someone else films you and you get to see what they see. This is all said with a humorous smirk on my face and don't take it too seriously.

Fastoldbiker - I bet if she makes this deal with her hubby about the smack on the butt....he'll be starting arguments on purpose so he can do it lol.