Avatar Posted by weneedhelp 31 days ago (Question)
My nephew is 17 years old. He is likely to be in the high functioning autistic spectrum. There are three big problems we are facing. (a) poor academic performance, (b) wanting to be a gangster and admiring kids who have dropped out, and (c) using bad language and trying to bully (very mild, mostly just saying dirty jokes to annoy my daughter).

He is currently in 12th grade. He used to be at least an average student in elementary school, but now has no interest whatsoever in any subject in school. He does not even try to answer questions on the tests in school, and puts in absolutely no effort. He will tell us, guess what, I answered only 2 out of 50 questions today. He used to be fairly good in school when he was in elementary school, but was bullied very often, and changed schools 11 times (sometimes going back to the same school). I can see that he is fairly bright - he can remember things he wants to, and is funny. But he does not want to read anything, takes no interest in anything that involves learning or knowledge (eg., tunes out completely in a museum). He currently has an F in all classes.

He admires gangsters, dropouts and kids who are bullies. He tries to copy the dress and talk of such kids, although he has actually no contact with such people except maybe he sees them at school. His parents make sure he is not with such people at all.

Finally, he has begun to bully my 14 year daughter who was one person who would hang out with him once in a way. He says dirty jokes and does juvenile things like shine a flashlight in her eye, threaten to punch her as a joke(I am sure he would never do anything, but she gets annoyed).

I really care about this boy, and would appreciate some of your thoughts on what is going on. I have never seen anyone so disinterested in learning and school. He is not even willing to use a 100th of his ability. I don't think he can even get a job in construction or in a restaurant. He cannot do any task. He seems to be just hung up about this gangster thing... PLEASE HELP. (He has been going to a counselor for the last 12 years, his parents changed counselors a few months ago. I see no change in him. He was also given drugs for anxiety, etc... they made him worse).


Answers

Written by Chemar 31 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi

has he been evaluated for a possible Asperger's diagnosis?

If he is on that end of autistic spectrum it may explain a lot.

I can understand that the anxiety drugs made things worse as that doesnt sound like a correct dx for him

If he is autistic/Aspergers, the school can provide a 504 plan or IEP to help him finish. The schools often have their own psychologists who can do testing

the gangster thing etc may also be related as some people with Aspergers have high risk taking/thrill seeking behavior

it could also be a psychological result of the years of bullying that makes him feel he would "belong" and be "protected" in a tuff gang environment

those are just some thoughts I had while reading your post

Written by weneedhelp 31 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thanks for the response. But what is the solution? How to get him to engage with learning - it is like learning is his enemy. How can he live an independent life if he has no discipline to work? Will he outgrow this?

Written by Chemar 30 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

hi

that is why I mentioned the evaluation by the school psychologist and a possible IEP which would give him access to the special ed program designed to help kids like him

he needs intervention to help and the best way is to make use of the professional services offered by the school for his academics

If his parents prefer, they can have him independently evaluated by an educational psychologist

it really would be to his benefit to get an accurate diagnosis as then correct treatment can begin to help him in his education and for future life skills management

Written by Clyde 29 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think it is vital that you make sure he gets professional help at school and perhaps a different counselor than he has now.

He needs a diagnosis by a professional that he can better succeed.

Some of it may just be because he is a teenager, too. He knows he is ending school this year and is trying to change and be different as he knows his time in school is about up.

Best,

Clyde


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