Avatar Posted by mslane87 169 days ago (Question)
So I've been with my husband for 8 years and married for a month....we've been through a lot together....he's cheated on me multiple times...tried to mess with my sister....slept with multiple women...had a baby by another woman...yet I continue to forgive him....we have two babies together and I've been with him since high school ....he's my first love and I've accepted all he's done including the child he had by another woman....recently he attempted to mess with my sister AGAIN!!! he claims he was extremely drunk...I had no feelings....I couldn't cry...I didn't know how to feel...so now that were married I'm unsure of what to do.


Answers


silver33
169 days ago
You should get separated from this guy as soon as possible. I dont think you are happy and just being with someone because you have babies and you are married is no excuse. Our legal system provides help for such cases and you are entitled to have one.

Cheating once is understandable, everyone makes mistakes and what is really needed is an honest realization of the mistake and efforts to correct it.

Your husband however looks like has taken you for granted and does not respect or value you or your relationship at all. Because you have forgiven not once but more, he feels you will continue to do so and trust me you will, because he has a habit of doing this and you will keep suffering and hurting your own self.

If you are worried that you cant do anything because you have kinds, I am sure you will be able to provide them a good upbringing by your own. This would not happen if your kids see what is happening or realize it someday. It would not be good. Speak to your parents and take a bold step. If you dont do it now, after so much, you will never be able to.

Be strong. A woman requires a man to love her and respect her not to take her for granted over and over again
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bella
169 days ago
I agree with the poster above - your partner has done this multiple times so you should end this relationship. Since you've only been married a month - why did you decide to marry him, when he cheated before? Is he an alcoholic?

He needs to be a man and stop using alcohol as an excuse. Get a lawyer because he'll need to financially support his kids. Do you have a job? If he'll do this to your sister, he'll do this with any other woman. Get out before he ruins you emotionally. I hope you'll one day find happiness and a loyal man.
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Chemar
169 days ago
I am also surprised that, given the history, you married him! It doesn't sound like he has made any effort at all to stop cheating on you and sorry but behaving badly when drunk is no excuse at all. It sounds like he needs to get into a rehab program as well as have counseling on what it takes to be a responsible husband and parent!

If he is not willing to get help, I honestly think you are in for a life of heartache with this man. I really feel for those children too as that kind of environment is not healthy for them either, and they need to be able to respect their dad! plus you need to respect yourself too and not let him treat your relationship in such a degrading way. If you truly matter to him, he will be willing to do whatever it takes to save the marriage. If not....well then I think you have your answer!
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teddysmom
168 days ago
I have survived 2 divorces and being a single mother with bipolar for the last thirty years. I never thought I deserved better because I felt because of my problems and what I considered my failures in life. It took finding a man with a real and faithful heart to help me see that i had so much to offer others just in my own basic kindness, concern for others, devotion, loyalty and the best of what made me "me". I realized a child is better off with one strong loving parent than being part of a destructive relationship between 2 parents. I am looking back from years down the road and I regret the time I couldn't find the strength to believe in my ability to be the person i found I could be. I fell in love with my first husband (and daughter's father) when I was 16 and did not give up on him until I was 27 after affairs (1 with my sister) and trying so hard to change him and prove everyone wrong. It cost me my self esteem and my life has been an endless struggle to try to give my daughter the love and support he has only now 30 yrs later has realized she has needed. I wanted a "family" for her and I and continually tried to find it (divorce 2) because I thought that was what she needed. What she really needed was for me to be content with putting her first and and providing her the love and stability she needed. She is a teacher in an inner city school in NYC who earned her way through Columbia and works unbelievably hard but my preoccupation with my search for "Mr Right" has taken its toll on her. If I could do it all again I would be a strong independent role model for her. I finally found the right person but wish I had made my life more about a strong independent person than part of a couple.
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kavitha
167 days ago
I think u should not give him another chance to hurt you once again. Forgiving several times will not be a good solution for your problem. If he really think about you and your children he shouldnt do like this.
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Aakash333
166 days ago
I agree with the poster above - your partner has done this multiple times so you should end this relationship. Since you've only been married a month - why did you decide to marry him, when he cheated before? Is he an alcoholic?

He needs to be a man and stop using alcohol as an excuse. Get a lawyer because he'll need to financially support his kids. Do you have a job? If he'll do this to your sister, he'll do this with any other woman. Get out before he ruins you emotionally. I hope you'll one day find happiness and a loyal man.
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Alex98
166 days ago
I believe if you have the option to, both of you should attend marriage counseling together. If you've already attempted this, or unable to, you should separate as soon as you can. No one should have to go through that, and he's evidently making your life much more difficult than it needs to be.

Best of luck, no matter your decision.
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Anamika5
166 days ago
Hey! I guess you should try marriage counseling first. Please remember that you should also think about you children. I remember the way my cousin had become the prey of severe depression after my uncle and aunt's divorce. please be careful. Good luck!
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Char21
163 days ago
I personally think you need to leave this guy , by you accepting all the wrongs he keeps doing , to him he says sorry but in reality he's taking advantage of you because you keep letting him slide and keep forgiving him so because of that he thinks he can keep repeating it , another think your sister wow no respect towards you and if you really love your sister and yourself you should leave him cause he will make you loose respect of your sister and family should aways come first , don't let him keep on disrespecting you , love yourself enough to know you deserve better and I know it's hard especially that you have a kids with him , but then again it's up to you only to know whats best because everyone can give there opinions but in the end you choose to stay or go .
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Thisisit
163 days ago
I can't believe you stayed with this bum for 8 years and then married him! I therefore also wonder whether or not you'll heed any of the advice here. Sounds like you have a dependency issue you need to look into. Solve yourself and then start over. This was a mistake, but fortunately one you don't have to live with forever. Getting the help you need will prevent it from happening again.
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