Avatar Posted by cmazzagatti 104 days ago (Question)
The person in question is my dad, who I live with and who I am trying to move away from (I'm 20). I think that to the average person who deals with him, they will think of him as a typical a-hole/prick. Others will think he's a sociopath. He seems to have a very distorted sense of ethics. In other words, the things he says and does, no matter how cold-hearted or viscious they are to the average person, are somehow justified in his eyes (I think). I am going to type a list of some of these things and hopefully you could give your 2 cents about what this man is and how I could go about dealing with him.

- He's a manipulative, pathological liar. He will look at you dead in the eyes and lie to you about even the most trivial thing imaginable. He lies to credit card companies and uses alias names. Also never pays his bills.

- He's an envious person. The neighbor once put tinted windows on his truck, and he called the cops on him for it. If someone looks better than him he'll talk loads of trash, etc.

- He is obsessed with power and control. He is constantly intimidating people and instilling fear into their minds. It's not just my mom. One day we called the cops on him, and he confronted them with a cellphone, telling them he was going to call his high-ranking FBI friend to have them reported and fired. It's always "if you don't do this, then I'm going to do this and this to you." The most disturbing thing is how calm, collected, and confident he stays when he does this.

- He has this fake charm to him that's also very disturbing. When he talks to people, it's like he turns into a different person than the one I'm accustomed to. He's very confident and he speaks in this quiet, calm tone that draws people in.

- He used to mess with his senile 93 year old dad by telling him he had a gun in his closet and was going to take it out. He used to find this extremely funny and amusing.

- He has a very angry and short-fuse demeanor. He's a black and white thinker; there's never a gray area to any issue. A while ago we were in a store late at night and the manager was telling everyone inside that the store had closed. When he tells my dad, he actually put up a fight and told the manager he couldn't kick him out, and that if he did he was going to call the news. The manager was visibly shaken, which made me angry. He doesn't seem to realize that there are people who want to go home after a long day's work.

- We live in Florida, and during hurricane season, he watches The Weather Channel all day hoping that a hurricane comes because he wants to defraud the insurance company and get a free check from the insurance company for his own personal needs.

These are just some of the things. There are very few positive qualities about him that I could mention. He comes from a family with a long history of mental illness. I am certain that he was emotionally and physically abused as a child.


Answers

Written by Edahn 104 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I'm not a clinician, and this is impossible to do over the net. I can also tell that you've been reading about the disorders and you are emotionally charged about the situation which means that the information is somewhat "tainted."

With that said, I think it's a toss up between Narcissistic Personality and Antisocial. I'm leaning towards the former.

But, I want to caution you about diagnosis. In some ways, giving someone a diagnosis can help you, the diagnoser, understand what's been happening and pull together themes that have manifested in your relationship. On the other hand, it could be a way to brand people as defective and push them away.

I don't really care for diagnoses myself. They are interesting to read about, but ultimately, you gain a better understand of a person without resorting to them. There are many practicing psychologists who feel the same way, Irvin Yalom to name one. I think it's important to remember that people are NOT the label you give them. Underneath all of his fears, greed, and insensitivity lies someone who like everyone else is in conflict and turmoil. He did not ask to be in turmoil, but it's a result of his upbringing and biology, both of which were not preselected.

I get that you are upset and that you just want to be done with him. That's understandable and something I suppose you need to go through. You'll do what you have to do and find the right relationship with him eventually. I would just encourage you to remember in the back of your mind that people are good deep down. That faith opens up a lot of understanding and wisdom.

~Edahn

Written by Francesca 102 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Douche bag.

Written by Clyde 87 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Narcissistic to me, but try to see what you can do. Limit your interactions, especially when it comes to things that can bring up those feelings.

Best,

Clyde


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