I live with my bf and his dad at the moment but his sister used to live with us when she wasn't away at college a couple hours away.

For the longest time now her being back around here has simply annoyed and irritated me beyond belief. She's nice for the most part and I don't dislike her as a person but she has quirks that bother me and her bf who is always around when she is irritates me too now. I feel like a jerk but I seriously get this sense of anger, dread, depression and anxiety when I know they are coming around or staying at our house for a day or more.

I don't know what is wrong with me because no one else has annoyed me this much or irritated me as much as they do. They recently got their own place but they've spent more time here than they have there I am hoping this changes when she starts school again but I don't WANT to be annoyed with her or them. Is there some kind of disease that makes you irritated at certain people that I don't know about? Is it just my inability to deal with their annoying quirks? I just think it's weird for me to feel so upset over them. Any help or advice someone could give me is much appreciated. Thank you.


Answers


katrineme7
1904 days ago
Dear Annoyed, I don't think you are suffering from a disease just because you are so annoyed with your boyfriend's sister and her boyfriend. (I would be too sick to respond to you if this was the case, and considering all my annoyances) But I do believe there is a reason. I could be asking you for a lot more information, as that may shed light on more possibilities, but since I want to respond to you with just the information you provided right now and here, the following will be 'my way' of proceeding. (It's a question that sometimes works miracles) so let me ask you this.

If this young woman, your boyfriend's sister, if she were not that particular person, like 'Sally', or whatever her name is...OK, so if she was not this sister of your boyfriend, then who would she be? Whom does she remind you off when you think of other people in your life, (either past or present)?

Think about it. Who else has made you feel similar in the past, and did that person have a relationship as well? so, if it wasn't her, who would it be for you?

Katrin



Peanuts
1904 days ago
annoyedinca, I'm not a professional but I don't believe there is any disease that can account for your reactions...

Perhaps there is some resentment if you feel she and her boyfriend are invading what has become your space? Your home for the present time is just that--your home. She has been away at college, has established her own home, but she is behaving as though it is still her home.

You didn't mention many specific things that are annoying you. It's hard to guess exactly what they may be...

Have you talked with your boyfriend about it? It should help if you can share with him how you feel about this situation.

Keep in mind, though, that her behavior may be all right with him. If it is, it does not mean your feelings are wrong or out of line.

It's possible you need to set personal boundaries and expect them to be honored...

Best Wishes



bella
1904 days ago
I also don't think you have a disease that makes you annoyed at one specific person. It's also difficult to give advice when we don't know both sides. It would be helpful if you could give examples of what she does that annoys you and if you think she's doing it on purpose or she just has annoying habits.

I have no idea if I'm correct with this assumption, but is it possible that the sister is a little resentful of you moving into, what was her home and still is - even though she moved out. So when she comes to visit she tries to re-establish her 'rank' so to speak. People do have ranks even though we don't like to admit it, so sometimes 2 women in the house will butt heads over who's going to be the Queen Bee. Do you think she may feel like you have taken over too much in the household. If you think that you and her are having power struggles then perhaps you could reassure her that you're not doing that. If she's annoying you on purpose you may need to nicely assert yourself. This could be a power struggle like what Peanuts mentioned - but remember that you are the one living in their house.

If she's not deliberately annoying you, then you need to work on this from your end - which means you need to find ways to calm yourself. If it's not deliberate then you need to examine why her actions trigger a bad reaction in you. I agree with the 1st poster that it may be related to someone in your past. One way of thinking that helps, is to ask yourself - will this matter in 10 yrs.,- is this worth getting upset about? If you agree it's not worth it then you can use techniques to help calm your response, like deep breathing and telling yourself that it's not personal(only if she's not annoying you on purpose).

So you need to determne if she's bothering you on purpose, then you need to politely assert yourself, keeping in mind that she still considers that her house. If she's not then you need to work with this on your end using calming techniques and making a choice not to let it bother you. Many people don;t realize that we truly can choose our emotions, (exceptions being extreme mental illness). When you know that's possible, then you go from feeling no control, to a sense of empowerment to choose not to be upset. Best of luck.



Edahn
1903 days ago
Question: Why am I irritated by a specific person?

Answer: Because they are annoying.

Case closed.



Clyde
1902 days ago
If you feel that she is not doing it on purpose, then you have to see why it is bothering you so.

There is no disease, especially with this kind of condition, or issue.

Do you feel she is bothering you on purpose?

Best,

Clyde



Angua
1899 days ago
Inca, you're jealous. I know it sounds insensitive to simply state that, but no-one seems to be giving you a straight answer. Don't feel ashamed, or like a jerk. It's perfectly normal - there is another female loved by your boyfriend, it's completely understandable for you to envy her. The irritation is just your own rationlisation and rerouting of the jealousy. Don't worry about it; but I'm afraid it won't go away for a very long time, if at all. Think of it as an extended sibling rivalry. You can either try to get on with her, or admit that she irritates you.



Confusedbyherbehavior
747 days ago
Sometimes when you fall in love with someone, you end up with family that you wouldn't chose. I feel that way about much of my husband's family. It's not that they are terrible people but we are just not a good fit. You don't say what she does that irritates you, but sometimes it's just a bad mix of personalities. You have issues and she has issues and hers push your issue buttons, perhaps. Or it could be possible that you simply want to share a place with your boyfriend and not his entire family and their significant others.



who-am-i
747 days ago
I know what you are going through, and though I don't think it's a disease, I think you should talk to someone professional about this problem. I have the same feelings toward just a few people in my life. My own sister is one of them, and I feel bad. The way she eats, talks, laughs, walks just makes me angry beyond belief. And she's younger than me. But I've been this way since I can remember, so it's a little different than your experience. The longer I'm away from her, the little more I can tolerate her. But Again, that doesn't seem the same with you if she's mostly at school. You should really talk to a therapist about the feelings you're having towards her, they should be able to help you.